Kids: Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail after he punched...

By ven980 - United States - Muskogee

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail after he punched a convenience store clerk in the face for running out of Cheetos. FML

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ven980 tells us more :

Hey OP here. I just wanted to add a little detail to this story. My brother had just come from a bachelor party and was very drunk so he called me for a ride. He punched the clerk because he was rude to us and yes I did leave him there overnight

Kids

Out of it

Season finale

Sister of the year

By OweLotsaMoney - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 01:58 - Australia

Teamwork works

Today, I had a huge amount of work to get through. Two colleagues offered to help, because one had nothing else to do, and the other couldn't work until I was done. My boss got really pissed at me for "making" them do my job and wasting their time. FML

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By Mike - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

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By Ms Yeins - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

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By imsorrylove - United States

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

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By lloydLO - United States

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML

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By CheesyCasey - United States - Detroit

Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML

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By fmylife - Malaysia

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

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By PiMan - United States

Thanks, I hate it

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

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By bob7654 - United States - Arlington

Today, my parents asked me if my girlfriend of two years and I wanted to go see a musical with them. I haven't told them that she broke up with me the day after she met them. FML

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By wet - United States

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can't leave. FML

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By uglyorstupid - Croatia

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a restaurant with a few other couples, and my boyfriend started to rant on how "all the hot chicks are dumb." Apparently, I'm either ugly or stupid. FML

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By pat3212 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to get two teenagers to stop playing bumper cars with the electric scooters at the grocery store I work at. I'm seventeen, and they don't pay me enough for this. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

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By FidoForever

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 14:01

No excuse

Today, I missed my chance to see my mum for the last time because my son is such a selfish druggie, he couldn’t be bothered to stay sober long enough to pass on the message from the hospital that she was deteriorating fast, and likely only had a few hours left. FML

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By JK2010 - Israel

Today, my crush of over a year came over for me to take her on our first date. Today was also the day my drunk parents decided to dance the chicken dance in our front yard, naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 00:30

A boy can dream

Today, I told my family about my dreams to get a modern car and house with my girlfriend, since I'm tired of fixing my '90s car and paying for my dad's rent and doing all his housework. They then told me I'm selfish for trying to leave them and that I don't care about them. FML

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By Danielle - United States

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

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By Mrs. Awkward

Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it's perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML

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By mysea8679 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, whilst trying on wedding dresses with my mom, she told me that I looked fat and awful in the dress I liked. When I told her how hurtful she was being, she told me that I should be grateful that she told me what she thought instead of laughing at me behind my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 23:00

Retail stinks

Today, a pipe leaked in the store I work at. I had to smell sordid waste for more than 8 hours. FML

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By shilpajayseanfan - Canada

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

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By krissy - United States

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 23:10

Great guy

Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

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By lydiacoolness - New Zealand

Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML

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By hbt51 - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

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By Deadbed

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

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By katiekat - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

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By nycplywood - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

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By uglyshoegirl - Canada - Brampton

Today, I sent a picture to my best friend of the shoes I want to wear to prom. She replied, "Wow those are so unique". I guess she forgot that last week she told me she only uses the word unique when she hates something. FML

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That's a mother

Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML

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By LolaBell - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

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By gloomy

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

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By lunarstrain - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

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By JustEwww - Australia

Ewwwww

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

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Top comments

By ven980 | 10

#5658843 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 19:48

By xlord | 27

#5659335 - Thursday 5 September 2013 2:38

The clerk was probably rude because he has to deal with drunk assholes every single night for a piss poor low wage.....

COMMENTS

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5658218 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 12:05

You should have left him there for him acting stupid!

godisnowhere41 | 5

#5658230 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 12:08

You brother doesn't like being cheated of his Cheetos

Ashamed_Sister | 60

#5658339 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 13:38

I’m quite certain you didn’t have to bail him out this. A day in a prison cell might change your brother’s opinion about appropriate behaviour...

mattjamt | 16

#5658420 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 15:06

This was already an FML... just at a liquor store...

Ian7890 | 23

#5658457 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 15:50

I agree with 33, my brother went to jail for a week and he said it was horrible and he never wants to go back.

Melix | 31

#5658478 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 16:05

Imagine what he would do for a Klondike Bar 0_0

fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#5659530 - Thursday 5 September 2013 5:32

his brain is full of hot air... just like a cheetos bag.

seriously though, he should have stayed in there. that clerk didnt do anything to deserve that. :/

By iSativa | 24

#5658219 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 12:05

I would have let him sit in jail for a night or two. That's ridiculous.
Anybody who works customer service knows that it sucks beyond reason and stupid people like your brother are the reason it sucks.

NoNamesFree | 8

#5658613 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 17:30

I agree Cheetos are amazing, but it's not the clerks fault.. So I agree with you!

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5658633 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 17:46

No way! The clerk had that coming. Probably had this real sinister grin while telling OP's brother they were out, but you could see the cheese dust left on his hands! Then just to rub salt in his wounds he decided to lick all that cheese dust without even offering OP's brother a little taste.. Damn you Cheetos clerk, damn you!

binger_gitch | 12

#5900136 - Sunday 30 March 2014 11:13

Guys, how does OP deserve this?

By zahra_786 | 19

#5658222 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 12:06

Wow, he needs to learn to control his anger. Poor clerk :(

FinalDarkWraith | 10

#5658315 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 13:08

I'd say that clerk sure felt the arm of robbery…

Little4Bear | 10

#5659654 - Thursday 5 September 2013 8:05

I feel really bad for the clerk. It's a pain in the ass to have to deal with crazy people like OP's brother. Staying in jail would've been the perfect punishment for his over reaction and out of hand behavior.