Health: Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Taking stock

Eco-friendly

By Beeisc00l - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Donvale

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

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By God the smell

Today, my husband had a bad stomach bug and fever. While I was at work, he had diarrhoea but couldn't make it to the toilet so he went in the bin next to his desk, crawled back into bed, and passed out. It sat there in this heatwave for 5 hours. FML

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By Florida_1827 - United States

Today, I received the 'special' present my mother had sent me for my 21st birthday. I opened the box and saw that my mother had picked out, accessorized and shipped to me, in college, a doll. FML

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By fml - United States - Huntsville

Really!

Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

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By 404: sense not found - United States - San Francisco

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

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By Sam - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I had to turn down an invitation to one of my best friend's birthday party because I had been scheduled to work. Little did I know that my job on that day would be setting up the tents, tables, and chairs for that very birthday party. FML

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By confused - United States

Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML

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By God hates me - United States

Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML

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By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, my mother-in-law turned up at my doorstep close to midnight, drunk off her tits, crying about how my wife is punishing her and throwing her life away by marrying me. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Floda

Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

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By JohnBlack - United States

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

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By turnmyphoneoff

The Phone Call

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

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By Ese

Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML

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By lolwut - United States

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

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By 4am blues - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4am; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I washed all the dishes and cups from the family dinner last night and put them away. When my wife saw, she had a mini OCD breakdown and yelled at me because the cups weren't lined up with each other with the handles aligned and the flower pictures facing out left. FML

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By joe - United States - Easton

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2020 17:02

Corporate ass

Today, I found out that my boss would rather give grant money back than give it to any of his employees as any sort of bonus for working through the pandemic. Two of us have worked for him for over 20 years. So much for loyalty I guess. FML

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By xoxo96 - United States

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

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By fordn4h - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

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By newhostess - United States

Today, I was training for my new job at a restaurant. As part of training, they give you free food so you know what to reccommend, and the dish I got was really good. Eight hours later I saw it again while I was puking; I got food poisoning from my own place of work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ellicott City

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

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By epictothemax - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue piercing and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin says "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years old. FML

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By forever alone

Today, I was so desperate for someone to talk to I called various restaurants pretending to be interested in ordering food, just so I could have a conversation. I called eleven different places. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and noticed our kittens were playing in the living room. Transfixed by the cuteness, I didn't notice I started pouring hot coffee on my hand and foot. FML

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By Justcan'twin

Today, at 5:30 on a Sunday, I noticed my tire had a bubble in it. I found a tire shop 15 minutes away that would be closing at 6pm and made it there in time, but the shop had closed early. I left to try and make it to the next one and had a blow out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

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By Big break - 18/5/2020 14:00

As seen on TV

Today, I finally got my big TV debut. After thousand of dollars in acting classes and years of waiting to become a professional actress, I got featured in a commercial. I will be rubbing toilet paper against my face for all of four seconds. Hurray, fame! FML

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By crushedsoul - United States - Baltimore

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

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By ohtheirony - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to explain to my friends what an anxiety attack is like, I had an anxiety attack. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

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By Anna - 20/12/2020 05:02

Bad timing

Today, it's the first day of a long-needed vacation after weeks of stress and overtime. I'm having such intense period cramps, I'm bathed in sweat. FML

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By embarassedmuch - United States

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

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By hé merde - France - Paris

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could check her ass out as she walked away. FML

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Top comments

By aback | 4

#1382194 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:20

Don't read magazines while you're ironing or using the blowtorch, either.

By Bubbelz | 24

#1382836 - Friday 10 September 2010 14:34

4
You are aware that you just used the internet to post that reply right?

COMMENTS

By crookies | 0

#1382140 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:15

1

Reply

mustardcat | 1

#1382145 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:16

ouch that sucks

Reply

SChew | 6

#1382270 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:27

#1 - u suck for just at commenting

Reply

FFML_314 | 11

#1382461 - Friday 10 September 2010 13:02

#14 - you suck for just at insulting.

Reply

CitizenSnipz | 0

#1383258 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:40

literally, that sucks.

By gohabs21 | 0

#1382142 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:15

Way to go...

Reply

NightSkyx | 0

#1382922 - Friday 10 September 2010 15:01

maybe you thought that you Porno magazine was real and kept tryin to sniff it thinking you'd smell a vagina or something. Hormones is a b**** -.-

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1384882 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:44

poor wittle baby...

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1384900 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:49

poor poor wittle babay

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1384907 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:51

sorry bout the double comments haha btw wat does ftw mean?

Reply

hahafylop | 4

#1384955 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:08

ftw= for the win.

Reply

randomnameflob | 0

#1385115 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:28

or F*ck the world.

Reply

Mars_Bars_Big_Na | 0

#1385261 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:52

IT'S CALLED VICKS MUTHAFUKIN VAPORUB YOU STUPID HOR!!!!!!!

Reply

panchod1234 | 0

#1386606 - Saturday 11 September 2010 9:00

some people are just retarded

Reply

hollowranger81 | 4

#4235329 - Friday 30 March 2012 2:18

Or fuck the world

Reply

aklm15 | 14

#5589177 - Saturday 20 July 2013 8:44

But did it work OP

Reply

Rallred32 | 20

#5872172 - Saturday 1 March 2014 4:59

Haha coming from the canadiens.

By BeautifulDizaztr | 0

#1382150 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

impatientkarma | 0

#1382214 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:21

My friends and the internet would also suggest Vicks, so I shouldn't listen to them? So yeah...

Reply

Bubbelz | 24

#1382836 - Friday 10 September 2010 14:34

4
You are aware that you just used the internet to post that reply right?

By _Jonah_ | 0

#1382182 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:18

Lol...If your somehow reading a magazine while inhaling tea, your doing it wrong.

By aback | 4

#1382194 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:20

Don't read magazines while you're ironing or using the blowtorch, either.

By Molord1 | 0

#1382196 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:20

that sucks at least it wasn't boiling water though

Reply

darkbob101 | 16

#6498970 - Friday 1 January 2016 21:17

I don't think you grasp the concept of how tea is made and how steam is created.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1382204 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:21

Playgirl is rather distracting, so I guess I understand.

By Jimboom | 11

#1382230 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:23

At least your nose isn't stuffy anymore

By lu95 | 16

#1382246 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:25

the steam works though!

By brokenclockwork | 0

#1382251 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:25

i have the urge to call this FML fake.

Reply

lizamaphone | 6

#1382570 - Friday 10 September 2010 13:31

me too. op would have to inhale pretty hard to suck tea inside their nose

Reply

chaingling | 0

#1382664 - Friday 10 September 2010 13:55

couldnt happen