Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

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F*** my overweight life

Trans women are women

Sweet dude

By Noname - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my co-workers son. He was eating jell-o and spilt it on his top, so I pulled off his pj's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year old. FML

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By Nasu Johi - United States - New York

Today, as a CNA, I had to go through the belongings of a patient. His phone rang and I answered - it was his boss. As I explained, he cut me off and said to "drop the act" and "he better be there now or he's fired". He was pronounced dead-on-arrival. FML

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By bs_happens - United States

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9 hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

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By rob

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I'd kissed another girl five days before we got together. She told me, "That's OK, I slept with my boss last week." FML

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By citylife - United States

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

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By hot coffee - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

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By csc4lyfe09 - United States

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

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By shadowsorel - United States - Chicago

Today, I have a cold, and was stuck sleeping in bed. My roommate decided to wake me up by sticking headphones in my ears and playing heavy metal on full volume. This is the third time this week. FML

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By Cleanfreak? - Denmark - ?lborg

Funky

Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML

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By SingleAgain - United States - Saukville

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

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By BOOMerang - United States

Today, I played with a boomerang my first time. I didn't believe that when you threw it, it comes right back to you. It flew back all right. And broke my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2020 23:01 - United States - Waldwick

Facebook Science

Today, I was going to hang out with my crush and tell him how I felt, but he cancelled because I had COVID 5 months ago and his mom is afraid I’m contagious. I’m safer to hang out with because I now have antibodies and can’t transmit it. I’ve also had 4 negative tests since then. FML

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By duderboi99 - United States

Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nephew spent a long while enthusiastically telling me how amazing his new 3D TV system is. I felt his pain as his face turned white when he remembered that I'm blind in one eye since birth. FML

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By queenofthegypsys - 1/3/2020 23:00

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

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By octoberrain - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet the family. After several long moments of silence, one of my sisters burst out laughing, and asked, "Okay, who is this guy really?" FML

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By musicalkitcat - United States

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Worn out

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

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By single pringle - United States - Morristown

Today, my boyfriend came home from college for the first time in weeks just to visit me. I was so excited that I spent two hours getting ready. Turns out he was only coming back to dump me. Now I'm single and out of foundation. FML

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By aldfgadfklbg - United States

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

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By TheVagabond_SRG - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

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By Rotarius - Canada - Toronto

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

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By bamrd - United States - Boulder

Today, my university is capable of sending me two diplomas in short succession due to a clerical error, but can't recognize that I've graduated and won't be taking classes with them in the fall. FML

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By XxEmoWolfiexX - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML

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By Tom

Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 14:01

Out of the frying pan…

Today, I thought I finally had a decent boyfriend. He didn’t seem like an emotionally unavailable alcoholic like my past boyfriends. Then I found out he’s an unemployed Trump supporter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML

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By Brittany - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML

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By cheese123 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

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By Malakai - United States

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

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By stink

Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML

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By eejit - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I think teddy bears are THE most pointless and careless gift. He shyly gave me my birthday present afterwards. It was a carebear. FML

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By auraya1985 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Batesville

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

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By lonethong15 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2020 16:01 - United States - Nashville

Chain reaction

Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML

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By helpme - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

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By ktin - Australia

Today, I got wii fit, wii Mario kart and wii Mario galaxy for my birthday, I don't have a wii. FML

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By buggingout - United States

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

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Top comments

By aback | 4

#1382194 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:20

Don't read magazines while you're ironing or using the blowtorch, either.

By Bubbelz | 24

#1382836 - Friday 10 September 2010 14:34

4
You are aware that you just used the internet to post that reply right?

COMMENTS

By crookies | 0

#1382140 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:15

1

Reply

mustardcat | 1

#1382145 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:16

ouch that sucks

Reply

SChew | 6

#1382270 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:27

#1 - u suck for just at commenting

Reply

FFML_314 | 11

#1382461 - Friday 10 September 2010 13:02

#14 - you suck for just at insulting.

Reply

CitizenSnipz | 0

#1383258 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:40

literally, that sucks.

By gohabs21 | 0

#1382142 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:15

Way to go...

Reply

NightSkyx | 0

#1382922 - Friday 10 September 2010 15:01

maybe you thought that you Porno magazine was real and kept tryin to sniff it thinking you'd smell a vagina or something. Hormones is a b**** -.-

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1384882 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:44

poor wittle baby...

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1384900 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:49

poor poor wittle babay

Reply

cole86 | 0

#1384907 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:51

sorry bout the double comments haha btw wat does ftw mean?

Reply

hahafylop | 4

#1384955 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:08

ftw= for the win.

Reply

randomnameflob | 0

#1385115 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:28

or F*ck the world.

Reply

Mars_Bars_Big_Na | 0

#1385261 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:52

IT'S CALLED VICKS MUTHAFUKIN VAPORUB YOU STUPID HOR!!!!!!!

Reply

panchod1234 | 0

#1386606 - Saturday 11 September 2010 9:00

some people are just retarded

Reply

hollowranger81 | 4

#4235329 - Friday 30 March 2012 2:18

Or fuck the world

Reply

aklm15 | 14

#5589177 - Saturday 20 July 2013 8:44

But did it work OP

Reply

Rallred32 | 20

#5872172 - Saturday 1 March 2014 4:59

Haha coming from the canadiens.

By BeautifulDizaztr | 0

#1382150 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

impatientkarma | 0

#1382214 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:21

My friends and the internet would also suggest Vicks, so I shouldn't listen to them? So yeah...

Reply

Bubbelz | 24

#1382836 - Friday 10 September 2010 14:34

4
You are aware that you just used the internet to post that reply right?

By _Jonah_ | 0

#1382182 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:18

Lol...If your somehow reading a magazine while inhaling tea, your doing it wrong.

By aback | 4

#1382194 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:20

Don't read magazines while you're ironing or using the blowtorch, either.

By Molord1 | 0

#1382196 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:20

that sucks at least it wasn't boiling water though

Reply

darkbob101 | 16

#6498970 - Friday 1 January 2016 21:17

I don't think you grasp the concept of how tea is made and how steam is created.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1382204 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:21

Playgirl is rather distracting, so I guess I understand.

By Jimboom | 11

#1382230 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:23

At least your nose isn't stuffy anymore

By lu95 | 16

#1382246 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:25

the steam works though!

By brokenclockwork | 0

#1382251 - Friday 10 September 2010 12:25

i have the urge to call this FML fake.

Reply

lizamaphone | 6

#1382570 - Friday 10 September 2010 13:31

me too. op would have to inhale pretty hard to suck tea inside their nose

Reply

chaingling | 0

#1382664 - Friday 10 September 2010 13:55

couldnt happen