Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. FML

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Mother of the year

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

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By Abandoned - United States

Today, our family went out to a restaurant at night. My cousin and I needed to go to the restroom, so we told everyone before going. Less than three minutes later, we came out to find them gone, along with the cars. They forgot about their own kids. FML

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By liz - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

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By Savanerzz

Perfect timing!

Today my fiancé broke up with me. Two hours later, the store I bought my dress from called to say it’s ready to be picked up. FML

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By rattness - United States

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

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By Jordan - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML

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By kikuhime - 17/1/2021 02:01

Oh, hello

Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wahiawa

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

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By justno

Today, my best friend of 10 years blocked me for no reason. When I went to her house to ask why she did it and apologize for whatever it was, she told me to kill myself and slammed the door. I still don't know what I did. FML

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By Ugh - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cedar Park

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

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By luciazee - Peru - Lima

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

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By bored - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

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By anomynous - 3/12/2020 11:01

Jingle bells

Today, I woke up with my period. At least I'm getting into the Christmas spirit with red and green shorts, right? FML

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By Monkey - United States

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

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By clumsyandpoor - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

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By UH-OH - United States

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML

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By Boyufd

Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

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By trbaby - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was at a house-warming party and my friend was in her kitchen making drinks. When I was almost done with my drink, I went to take the last gulp and saw three mouse turds stuck to the inside bottom of the glass. FML

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By Grandson - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

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Crazy party

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

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By - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

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By logic - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked by my live-in landlord not to put too much water in the kettle because it made the utility bills too high. This is the same woman who takes daily baths. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2021 23:01 - United States

Paternity test before the rest

Today, after always laughing when my mom told me to avoid dating any guy with green eyes and thinking it was some weird prejudice, she told me the truth. My father cheated and had at least six other kids. They all have green eyes and look alike. FML

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By Anonymous - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

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By wet - United States

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can't leave. FML

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By EvilMother - United States - Hinsdale

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML

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By teejayrn - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

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By nikki - Greece - K

Today, what I thought would be a romantic sleepover with the guy I like quickly turned into hell on earth when his girlfriend showed up. I had to scale the fire escape in my underwear so I could get back to my car in one piece. FML

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By julian

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

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By karmamaybe - United States - Vermillion

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

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By Fmyapp - United States

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

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By WhatTheF

Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML

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By staciefacecat

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

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By Name - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cypress

Today, my mom mentioned how she loves certain actor's "British" accent. I couldn't help but mention that there's no such thing, and that there are lots of different accents in Britain. She got pissed and lectured me for "lying" to her and trying to make her feel stupid. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 01:01 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Facebook political debates

Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML

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Top comments

By Jackey | 29

#7821313 - Tuesday 16 July 2019 3:24

Count it as a gift, and enjoy your new family.

By LostSoul | 19

#7821308 - Tuesday 16 July 2019 2:24

Be happy that someone loves and respects you. Our family is what we make of it. Does not have to be the people we are born to.

COMMENTS

By FluffyMcFluffs | 1

#7821307 - Tuesday 16 July 2019 2:19

I don't see this as either.

By LostSoul | 19

#7821308 - Tuesday 16 July 2019 2:24

Be happy that someone loves and respects you. Our family is what we make of it. Does not have to be the people we are born to.

By ari330 | 21

#7821310 - Tuesday 16 July 2019 2:27

same

By Jackey | 29

#7821313 - Tuesday 16 July 2019 3:24

Count it as a gift, and enjoy your new family.

By Meghan Elise | 8

#7821319 - Tuesday 16 July 2019 4:05

Girl lol same honestly

By RichardPencil | 30

#7821330 - Tuesday 16 July 2019 5:37

They just don’t know you as well.

By Casstrodamus | 4

#7821574 - Wednesday 17 July 2019 4:22

My significant other's family loves and cares about me more than my own. I've been with him for ten years. I let go of my family because it was what was best for me and my growth as a human being. It is hard to accept that your own family doesn't care, but once you do, so many doors will open for you. I wish you all the best, and just know you're not alone out there.

By HeniousAnus | 4

#7822199 - Friday 19 July 2019 2:55

Sometimes that’s better. Consider yourself lucky.