Miscellaneous: Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since...

By Anonymous - United States - Yucaipa

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

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Miscellaneous

Commando

Late term

Ideal first date

By ozozl - United States - Evergreen

Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstairs I heard my 7 year old daughter screaming "Mom!! Help! I need you right now!" I panicked and ran downstairs, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was my neighbor at the door. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML

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By haappynewyear - United States

Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

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By footfetish - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

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By dazzla08 - United States

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML

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By antisocial - Canada

Today, I told my parents that I wasn't feeling very social and up for company. How do they try to make me feel better? By inviting a whole bunch of people I don't know to a pool party at my house. They said I should face my fears. I'm now in my room, hiding. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

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By ChestExploding - United States - Greensboro

Today, I tripped and fell, damaging my sternum and making it incredibly painful to breathe in or out too much. About ten minutes later, I got the hiccups. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2021 17:06

Bismillah no!

Today, my dad forbade me from playing or listening to Queen because Freddie Mercury was gay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Walpole

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

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By OhDear - United States

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend of eight months that if she didn't start taking my band's music seriously, we couldn't see each other anymore. She said fine, and I hugged her, but then she stood up and said 'I hope we can still be friends,' and walked out the door. FML

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By Courtney - Reserved

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

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By karebear - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop touching me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 12:01 - Canada - Charlottetown

No, not them!

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 13:59

I Want the One I Can't Have

Today, I found out that the very attractive guy who lives in the house behind mine is working from home. I know this because he waved after catching my performance of singing along to a Smiths song into my hairbrush in front of the mirror, dancing around like a five-year-old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML

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By cat_loser

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

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By Fat_abott - France

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

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By SlapAndTickle - United States

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

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By aabadaba - United States - La Mirada

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

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By bob - United States

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

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By - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

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By Anonymous

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

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By Crushgonewrong - United States - Compton

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

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By joolsie - United Kingdom

Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML

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By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

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By belly the jelly

A job well done.

Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML

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By HYRTE

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

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By Lisa - United States - Bayside

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

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By Ohshit - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 23:02

Unforgettable

Today, I was mistaken for an employee at my grandmother's funeral. There were only twelve of us there, all family. FML

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By secretagentsam00

Thug life

Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML

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By kissrocks4 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

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By porkfriedlife - United States

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By neednewfriends - United States

Today, I ran into the living room when I heard the smoke alarm going off. Turns out, my friend thought it was a good idea to melt a plastic cup on my floor heater. He also thought the best way to put it out was to urinate on it. My house smells like burnt pee. FML

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By siciliano12594 - United States - Harrison

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

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By RedHotRoses

Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML

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By NotFamily - 22/3/2021 19:59

Shady

Today, my boyfriend blocked me on Facebook. He said he's restricting it to only close family and cousins. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. FML

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Top comments

By oathkeeper99 | 31

#4406115 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:09

Could be worse... Could be Bieber stuck in your head

By Abby133 | 14

#4406182 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:23

An idiot eh?

COMMENTS

By jessicaazzzzzzzz | 3

#4406105 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:07

What a terrible life you lead.

808ninjas | 3

#4406118 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:09

If only we all had the blessing of having our biggest "FML" to be about a song stuck in our head :)

By 3rdbass | 9

#4406107 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:08

A Trekkie eh?

gantzlord | 5

#4406125 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:11

No.

omgcookeys | 15

#4406146 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:15

Wars.... Not trek.... Star Wars..

Abby133 | 14

#4406182 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:23

An idiot eh?

FYLDeep | 25

#4406231 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:33

I'm pretty sure that #1 is playing on the animosity that some Trekkies have with Star Wars fans. Maybe one of those Trekkies wouldn't be able to stand having a song from an opposing fandom stuck in his/her head.

CanWeMicrowaveIt | 11

#4406268 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:43

FYLDeep is right. He probably meant that OP is a Trekkie since he doesn't like the starwars cantina song.

Jonkbaby | 20

#4406660 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 11:53

sue them.

nado13579 | 12

#4407078 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 14:16

Star Wars, not Star Trek. -__- Unless OP doesn't like Star Wars which is why she doesn't want to hear it, and is a Star Trek fan instead.

And oh great, it's stuck in my head too now. XD

SuperKnuckels | 6

#4407862 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 18:13

im canadian Eh? but really you can just go and mix up starwars with startrek. thats like going to american saying soccer is better than foot ball or in canada that soccer to hockey. lol.

3rdbass | 9

#4408104 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 19:03

26 & 28 are spot on. Everybody else, I'm sorry you're the kind of people that need to have a joke explained to you. Think before you type.

labanana_fml | 5

#4410315 - Wednesday 9 May 2012 3:50

are you stupid, or just slow ?

By I_Punch_Babies | 7

#4406113 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:08

a star wars fam1ly are we?

shanemaximo | 7

#4406777 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 12:26

*play that same song* Ok! Same song, here we go!

cassiebear7652 | 7

#4407028 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 13:56

You don't say

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4407098 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 14:23

1 don't see the po1nt of typ1ng th1s way, care to enl1ghten me?

I_Punch_Babies | 7

#4409465 - Wednesday 9 May 2012 1:23

because my i key is broken. duh

Unabletuna | 6

#4489183 - Sunday 27 May 2012 22:33

Wait, your "I" key is broken, but you just typed it? Makes sense. Makes shitloads of sense.

xXCherrryBombXx | 6

#4674992 - Wednesday 11 July 2012 5:34

I think it was a joke....

By oathkeeper99 | 31

#4406115 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:09

Could be worse... Could be Bieber stuck in your head

capper44 | 18

#4406351 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 9:09

Damn cant agree anymore :p haha

jtthegr8 | 26

#4407434 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 16:17

Lol Any song > beiber

j_cat187 | 19

#4407619 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 17:07

And the only way to remove this song requires a lumbotomy of the brain.

DAyBriGHTEneR | 0

#4412518 - Wednesday 9 May 2012 18:39

#firstworldproblems

By Michellec9982 | 18

#4406122 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:10

Try singing another song?

ClassyCommando | 13

#4407508 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 16:40

Imperial March or Duel of the Fates?

DawnShadow_fml | 5

#4408229 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 19:43

It's a small world after all!

christiebaby578 | 9

#4409164 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 23:48

Damnit 97!

By cliffibom | 15

#4406126 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:11

Oh what a terrible life

By littlemsweirdo | 12

#4406129 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:12

Has anyone seen the song worm just when you thought you knew it yahoo video?

boofgall | 16

#4406205 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:27

Uh, what are you talking about?

SkoomaKi | 27

#4406586 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 11:24

*eye twitches* can't....decipher....comment...

GetKayotic | 12

#4406674 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 11:56

I wonder if it was autocorrect that raped her comment...

kaymi | 17

#4407306 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 15:51

I saw it! I like those corny WHO KNEW videos. Unfortunately now the Star Wars cantina is stuck in my head. Damn ear worms.

By CaptMurdock | 25

#4406132 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:13

Just walk around the house singing/humming a different song then!

By mama2b3 | 20

#4406136 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:14

dunnn dun dun dun dun dunn,,, dun dun dun dunnn dun, dun dun dun dun!

DogsPaw | 16

#4406173 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:20

Fuck.

thatonewhitegirl | 0

#4407232 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 15:17

now its stuck in y head. fuck.

cheesyfeet2001 | 31

#6547277 - Sunday 28 February 2016 15:56

Wrong tune, the cantina song is not the Star Wars theme.

By FortuneCookie3 | 1

#4406137 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 8:14

listen to the dubstep version.