Miscellaneous: Today, I was driving down a completely empty street when a cop...

By Anonymous - 09/09/2015 21:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was driving down a completely empty street when a cop pulled me over for no reason at all. When he approached my window, I began to get defensive until he informed me I was driving the wrong way down a one way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 243

You deserved it 24 608

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

The smell detective is on the case

People don't always get sarcasm

Same joke, different year

By joleezad5 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Nixa

Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 150

You deserved it 2 458

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 13:01 - Australia

Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 107

You deserved it 3 086

By person_r - 21/07/2009 12:03 - Norway

Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 528

You deserved it 12 562

Clean up in aisle 5 please

By Anonymous - 02/12/2020 18:03 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I cleaned up the entire kitchen after sending the kids to school. I decided to have a nice cup of tea, and then knocked the tea over into the bin and the bin cabinet, the hardest and grossest thing to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 14:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 598

You deserved it 3 154

By stargate25 - 24/07/2015 02:33 - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 898

You deserved it 11 577

By awkwardd - 19/05/2011 12:51 - Hong Kong

Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say "Can you hold my hand?" I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she'd asked me to hold her bag. We didn't say another word after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 361

You deserved it 8 043

My ears!

By epistaxis - 02/02/2009 00:43 - Australia

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 300

You deserved it 2 630

By heatherfeather22 - 31/07/2014 03:28 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 174

You deserved it 11 174

Road rage

By howannoying - 16/02/2013 06:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 250

You deserved it 3 887

By NeverEscaping - 03/02/2013 00:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 963

You deserved it 2 910

By Anonymous - 05/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got into a car accident and totaled my car. Also today, someone bought themselves $600 worth of office furniture online with my bank info. My bank doesn’t believe me so they won’t help me get the money back. I'm broke and carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 160

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 04/04/2018 01:30

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 343

You deserved it 673

By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 513

You deserved it 27 807

Is she better than me?

By Lovesucks - 02/12/2019 14:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my boyfriend, who is buying me a ring for my birthday is buying my best friend a ring that cost 10 times more than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 754

You deserved it 254

Spider-Maaaaaaan

By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 245

I am clumsy!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2020 18:00

Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 3 018

By my boyfriend is a slut - 03/11/2017 04:00

Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 826

You deserved it 483

By queenofdeath - 16/01/2010 18:16 - Israel

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 883

You deserved it 12 311

By starboy - 10/03/2012 06:50 - United States

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 161

You deserved it 20 126

By pampa31 - 14/12/2015 17:21 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 702

You deserved it 1 684

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 14:22 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 639

You deserved it 39 258

By sillybrohos - 15/02/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 289

You deserved it 33 721

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 16:23 - Sweden - Alings?s

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 306

You deserved it 1 839

By BrokeandDesperate - 06/12/2011 07:03 - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 409

You deserved it 8 271

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 046

You deserved it 3 532

Death at one's elbow

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that for the past 6 months I have been sleeping next to a dead body. The cremated body of my landlord's father. It was hidden inside a wardrobe that I was not supposed to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 250

Pee is stored in the balls

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 02:01 - Belgium - Lint

Today, I learned two things: first, that a bladder infection may spread to your testicles, and second, that the first does not excuse you from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 73

Crushed

By ozzii - 04/09/2019 22:00

Today, my friend pointed out that I’ve developed crushes on my last two bosses. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that before then, I had a secret crush on a professor back in college, too. Yet, I wonder why I’m single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 523

All shook up

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 81

Make it yourself, champ

By Cookyourowndamnfoodasshole! - 27/01/2021 18:30 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend complaining that I’m lazy since I never cook for him. I stopped cooking for him because he constantly complained that the food was never as good as what his ex-wife made, or like his mom made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 108

By ailat0107 - 31/05/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 095

You deserved it 5 625

By trees - 24/07/2013 16:44 - United States - Waupaca

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 249

You deserved it 2 910

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 816

You deserved it 11 434

By Anonymous - 31/03/2013 04:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 167

You deserved it 2 795

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 07:38 - United States

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 489

You deserved it 3 496

By box butt - 07/03/2017 00:00

Today, after much dieting and exercise, I can proudly say that my love handles are now bigger than my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 324

You deserved it 615

#1 Dad!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 04:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I told my fiancé he needed to spend at least one night a week at home with his daughter or we will pack up and leave. He responded by getting a suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 19:58 - United States - Everett

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 104

You deserved it 8 700

By anonymous - 05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 893

You deserved it 45 011

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Top comments

nzhx 23

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Thursday 10 September 2015 8:13

I'd say "no reason at all" is not the right wording in this situation. There's no way there wasn't any other indication that you were driving where you shouldn't have been.

Sandsh8rk 36

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Thursday 10 September 2015 8:13

The majority of cops are there to help you. Co-operate with them if you get pulled over and nothing bad will happen.

emerald74 17

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Thursday 10 September 2015 8:12

How do you not notice you're on the wrong side of the road?

NeatNit 32

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Thursday 10 September 2015 16:44

Well, it depends on the street. Just last week I saw a car drive the wrong way on a road near my home. It is absolutely impossible to enter it the wrong way by accident. The next intersection (the one it was coming from) makes it physically impossible. But then I thought about it some more and realized they might have just parked on that street earlier, and when they pulled out they forgot it was one way. And some one way streets are very easy to enter the wrong way, with only a sign 'blocking' you. All it takes is one brain fart to do it.

happysmile987 24

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Thursday 10 September 2015 8:12

Hey, it could have ended worse. Don't be so quick to judge, OP

nzhx 23

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Thursday 10 September 2015 8:13

I'd say "no reason at all" is not the right wording in this situation. There's no way there wasn't any other indication that you were driving where you shouldn't have been.

djm2010 8

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Thursday 10 September 2015 10:38

OP said "no reason at all" because in that moment, they didn't think there was a reason to pull them over.

teentee401 36

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Thursday 10 September 2015 13:28

Like all of the parked cars facing the opposite direction.

Sandsh8rk 36

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Thursday 10 September 2015 8:13

The majority of cops are there to help you. Co-operate with them if you get pulled over and nothing bad will happen.

djm2010 8

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Thursday 10 September 2015 10:39

6, haha I love a good joke.

onlychildFTW 33

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Thursday 10 September 2015 10:42

He stated a fact. I've never seen a video of an incident where the person actually listened to the cop. They are always not listening. If you are a dick or ruins the chances of the cop being friendly/pleasant.

GamerG0DDESS 29

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Thursday 10 September 2015 15:21

I had a cop pull me over because he thought I was drinking a beer while driving. I was drinking root beer in a dark glass bottle (it did not occur to me at the time how this looked, oops). I was really nice and the cop seemed pulled back by it, like he was expecting me to get mean or something. I apologized because I saw how me drinking out of such a bottle could look bad and then offered him one. We ended up clanking our bottles together and laughing about it. He was a good guy, I wonder if he will see this comment...that would be awesome!

Sandsh8rk 36

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Thursday 10 September 2015 17:45

I once got pulled over about 400 metres from my house at 12am, the cop was super friendly and just asked me to do a breath test - I cooperated and it was over in a minute. Be friendly to them, and they'll be friendly back.

GreatWhiteBrow 8

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Thursday 10 September 2015 8:17

It serves you right for not paying attention to the road signs. YDI.

Paras_800 27

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Thursday 10 September 2015 8:18

Was it a busy road? Couldn't you at least see some cars going towards you?

ShowMeKay 20

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Thursday 10 September 2015 8:26

To answer your question - no, OP mentions in the FML that it was a completely empty street. Regardless though, still not a justifiable excuse for driving in the opposite direction. Total YDI.