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By Unlucky - 04/09/2018 14:30

Today, I received a bill from PayPal stating I owe $350 for an account that's linked to an email that I haven't used since 2015. I can't get into the account because someone hacked it and changed the password and security questions. Customer support is no help because I have no info about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 865

You deserved it 249

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 018

You deserved it 250

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 445

You deserved it 1 860

By again? - 15/03/2016 10:03 - United States - Olympia

Spicy

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 452

You deserved it 2 515

By Scarred - 22/09/2018 12:00

Spicy

Today, my Nana asked me to get her a book from her nightstand, but failed to specify which nightstand was hers. I stumbled across my grandparents' collection of sex toys instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 105

You deserved it 320

Unfazed and dazed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 550

You deserved it 3 715

By Anonymous - 13/10/2018 11:30 - United States - Bronx

Today, my cat peed on my long-term project so I had to stay up until 4 am doing the whole thing again... just for it to fall in the train tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 270

You deserved it 305

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 774

You deserved it 284

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 21:48 - United States - Merrimack

Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 780

You deserved it 2 428

By DutchOven - 04/07/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 420

You deserved it 25 977

By SK8WITME - 12/02/2016 18:22 - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 144

You deserved it 6 803

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 16:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 403

You deserved it 1 831

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 05:00

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 252

You deserved it 338

The dipshit in 4B

By DookDaSpook - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 909

You deserved it 1 388

By AustrianCow - 22/12/2015 21:45 - Austria - Linz

Today, I wanted my boyfriend to meet my parents. My mum introduced herself as, "I'm Petra. I'm completely normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 024

You deserved it 2 088

By Kisuke_Urahara - 30/11/2015 02:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my Grandfather's funeral, my Grandmother decided it would be a good time to tell the story of the time she went to a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 140

You deserved it 1 784

Kisuke_Urahara tells us more.

Kisuke_Urahara 9

Monday 30 November 2015 17:31

Honestly, it was pretty funny. Just a little awkward at the time.

By not my fault you’re a vapid idiot - 01/04/2019 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my coworker told everyone on staff that I’m a stuck up bitch because I stared blankly at her when she tried to talk to me. I tried to listen, but I zoned out after she rambled on endlessly about the Kardashians and Kanye West. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 420

You deserved it 214

By Shoutout1011 - 15/04/2017 22:00

Today, my 6-month-old daughter decided she'd scream every time I'd answer her cries instead of her daddy. He just left for a 12-hour shift at work. Only 11 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 646

You deserved it 480

Prank war W

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 409

You deserved it 9 952

By scorned ex - 17/10/2015 03:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that read, "How to lose 25lbs". I was eating a large slice of pie when I opened the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 439

You deserved it 7 814

Emotional support

By losingit - 19/10/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 388

You deserved it 3 816

Potterheads

By collegestudent - 01/06/2019 12:00

Today, I was reading the seventh Harry Potter book at an airport. A woman asked me what I was reading, so I told her. She said, "Oh, so you have children?" Since I'm in my early twenties, I was taken aback and said no. She replied slower and louder, "Oh, so you have a childlike mind?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 365

By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 13:25 - United States - Evansville

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a little over a week proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 036

You deserved it 3 213

By Anonymous - 23/11/2016 16:58

Today, I bumped into my English teacher at an AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 488

You deserved it 1 033

Hobbies

By Stinkycar - 05/06/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 685

You deserved it 548

You gotta be kidding me

By KnowledgableEx - 10/11/2016 12:42 - United States - Baltimore

Spicy

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 702

You deserved it 1 206

I LOVED THAT LITTLE GUY

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 05:46 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 212

You deserved it 8 516

Bad day

By mandieee - 15/06/2017 20:00

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 293

You deserved it 393

By mixedupminx - 06/02/2017 15:06 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I found out why my thesis supervisor made me change my whole project I was working on for the past 3 months. Apparently, he had another student doing the same thing and they published it today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 469

You deserved it 759

mixedupminx tells us more.

mixedupminx 8

Monday 6 February 2017 1:18

Op here, it turned out that this other guy was working on it before me (under the same supervisor..) so he rightfully published it. in the end I kind of resumed his thesis and continued best I could. It sucked, but I really want to graduate!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 18:00

Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 259

You deserved it 602

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Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, "I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 695

You deserved it 7 850

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 537

You deserved it 4 191

Today, I learned that losing 110 lbs causes people to start kissing your ass. The same people who told me to go fuck myself and didn’t give me the time of day before are now worshipping the ground I walk on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 309

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 716

You deserved it 2 845

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 345

You deserved it 4 641

Today, I was hired from an interview after being fired 3 months ago from an "at will" employer by someone who sabotaged me. They called it "misconduct" but it's real lame. I was filling out the paper in the app and they wanted permission to contact HR at my previous employer to get ANY information about misconduct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 126