Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with... - FML

By littlekellilee - 5/11/2018 03:00

Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with cancer is going. He responded by asking for boob pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3544

You deserved it

343

Tweet

Share

British Broadcasting Corporation

Live dumping

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 07:40 - United States

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54503

You deserved it

4619

Tweet

Share

By pathetic - 23/4/2012 22:06 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16093

You deserved it

55902

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/8/2012 14:52 - United States

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi-driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21537

You deserved it

2429

Tweet

Share

By wardsl195 - 30/12/2016 05:55 - United States - Seaford

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23299

You deserved it

3766

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/3/2013 10:49 - United States

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35696

You deserved it

3471

Tweet

Share

By noquiero - 21/6/2012 18:13 - United Kingdom - Peterlee

Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22913

You deserved it

3468

Tweet

Share

By Tuffgunsmoke - 4/2/2010 07:22 - France

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12676

You deserved it

31407

Tweet

Share

By fml...really - 27/11/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27387

You deserved it

4069

Tweet

Share

By rebekah - 3/4/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

461247

You deserved it

76768

Tweet

Share

By confusedcatlover - 6/4/2013 11:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57087

You deserved it

6187

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 17:01

Like a virgin

Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1083

You deserved it

309

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/10/2019 22:01

Jagged Little Pill

Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1404

You deserved it

814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/4/2009 15:26 - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80556

You deserved it

8104

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 11/2/2012 05:57 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34825

You deserved it

5591

Tweet

Share

By Pill popping zit monster - 23/12/2016 04:16

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7083

You deserved it

636

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/7/2020 02:02

Higher standards

Today, my mom fought with me again for missing an "important" 4th of July family barbecue. I was working until the morning, finishing grad school applications. There are always family events, and also apparently my brother missing the same barbecue to party with friends is perfectly fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1498

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26253

You deserved it

274316

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/4/2014 01:19 - Norway - Mo I Rana

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

I agree, your life sucks

46466

You deserved it

7322

Tweet

Share

By Mr.Hoof-In-Mouth - 13/8/2017 13:00

Today, I was talking to a customer needing IT help. I make small talk about how my birthday is on the same day the Boy Scouts were formed, and I tell the customer I am sure something interesting happened on his birthday. He gets quiet, then gives his birthday. September11th. Cue the long silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4165

You deserved it

715

Tweet

Share

By SSS - 14/2/2019 01:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my brother put a sign on my car saying, "No baby on board, feel free to drive into me." Somebody did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1980

You deserved it

195

Tweet

Share

By suhleedah18 - 24/4/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24740

You deserved it

4950

Tweet

Share

By bye loser - 20/10/2014 09:28 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45508

You deserved it

3938

Tweet

Share

By burned - 24/5/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19045

You deserved it

63884

Tweet

Share

By flaps - 19/8/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10685

You deserved it

95213

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 01:59 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30737

You deserved it

1923

Tweet

Share

By Ewwwwww - 4/2/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27633

You deserved it

3327

Tweet

Share

By mynameislor - 9/2/2010 14:26 - Canada

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27141

You deserved it

7345

Tweet

Share

By 5.9Cummins - 11/9/2011 03:18 - Canada

Today, the hillbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 a.m. and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36180

You deserved it

3399

Tweet

Share

By Un1ucky - 8/6/2014 03:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56659

You deserved it

7297

Tweet

Share

By kekumbas - 5/5/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51560

You deserved it

3839

Tweet

Share

By livvlynette - 27/2/2010 10:15 - Australia

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying the make chitchat, he says "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26014

You deserved it

4232

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 27/2/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30442

You deserved it

3086

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 04:24 - United States

Today, I was singing one of my favorite songs in my car while at a red light. A guy made it a point to get my attention and said, "If you're really going to sing that bad, you should probably roll your windows up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19279

You deserved it

11879

Tweet

Share

By astalkerindeed - 16/5/2013 04:31 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50348

You deserved it

6427

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/5/2019 12:08

Today, someone overheard my ex talking about ditching me with a year-long lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1613

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By Foreigner - 1/8/2011 15:05 - Jersey

Today, I was having a great time shopping with my gran, until she started complaining about all the foreigners ruining our town, and counting each person who didn't look 100% British. It wouldn't even have been so bad if I wasn't adopted into the family, from Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38564

You deserved it

3047

Tweet

Share

By cockblockingbitch - 25/1/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50006

You deserved it

3956

Tweet

Share

By Ribbed for Her Disaster - 4/4/2013 16:04 - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58261

You deserved it

19360

Tweet

Share

By Ughh! - 20/2/2013 20:40 - France

Today, the people living below me have been blasting their music so loudly that I can hear every word as clear as day. The people next door think it's my music and feel the need to bang on the wall and blast their music just as loudly in revenge. I have two very important exams tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38883

You deserved it

3280

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/7/2016 14:19

Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15830

You deserved it

868

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7718807 - Monday 5 November 2018 3:36

Apparently, his battle is not going well, so you might want to grant a dying man his wish.

If you send me the pics first, I can give you some artistic advice. Usually, my consulting fee is very high, but I’ll waive it for this worthy cause.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7711785 - Sunday 21 October 2018 9:51

Catch-22. Either be mean to the guy who has cancer, or send him a photo of your tits, and risk other people seeing them. Tough call.

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7711785 - Sunday 21 October 2018 9:51

Catch-22. Either be mean to the guy who has cancer, or send him a photo of your tits, and risk other people seeing them. Tough call.

Reply

1gullible_bugger | 33

#7719397 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 8:18

or just find some random boobs on the internet and send him those.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7718806 - Monday 5 November 2018 3:35

Look at the positive side, the dude is likely dying, yet his top priority is seeing your breasts. They must be something special.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7718807 - Monday 5 November 2018 3:36

Apparently, his battle is not going well, so you might want to grant a dying man his wish.

If you send me the pics first, I can give you some artistic advice. Usually, my consulting fee is very high, but I’ll waive it for this worthy cause.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7718811 - Monday 5 November 2018 3:44

Going pro boner, eh? You're such a caring individual.

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7718851 - Monday 5 November 2018 6:39

Well, if she sends the pictures, I'm certainly not anti-boner!

Reply

EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7719182 - Monday 5 November 2018 20:42

you beat me to it.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7719243 - Monday 5 November 2018 22:57

Pal, I ain't gonna beat you to anything. You can go solo for that.

By Paul B. Gyurcsanszky | 14

#7718837 - Monday 5 November 2018 5:21

Send them to him. Maybe he’ll suddenly be cured!

By Mathalamus | 24

#7718883 - Monday 5 November 2018 9:28

I would take that to mean, going well.

By John Nemeth | 14

#7718918 - Monday 5 November 2018 10:36

You could take it a step further and flash him in person. You’d be a good person for that. You’d be an angel if you’d let him motor boat them :)

By jrn | 14

#7719015 - Monday 5 November 2018 14:45

I take it he’s feeling a little bit better. Just a hunch

By jkjorn | 14

#7719044 - Monday 5 November 2018 15:30

Never underestimate the power of teh boobz to cure what ails a man! Send 'em, stat!

By Marcus Aurelius | 4

#7719099 - Monday 5 November 2018 17:39

What happened after you sent the boob pictures?

By jabc34 | 8

#7719169 - Monday 5 November 2018 20:09

the way I'd see it take one for the team it's only breast he isn't asking for sex an if you're worried about others seeing them do it in person