Love: Today, I wanted my boyfriend to meet my parents. My mum introduced... - FML

By AustrianCow - 22/12/2015 21:45 - Austria - Linz

Today, I wanted my boyfriend to meet my parents. My mum introduced herself as, "I'm Petra. I'm completely normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 955

You deserved it 2 065

Triage

CLAWS

Bottom of the list

By maxus - 19/11/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 808

You deserved it 4 488

By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Spicy

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 423

You deserved it 75 427

By toomuchmetal - 24/06/2009 19:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 996

You deserved it 13 637

By anonymous - 09/09/2013 20:16 - United States - Round Rock

Spicy

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 745

You deserved it 6 830

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 13:47 - United States - Kenosha

Today, my deadbeat dad threatened to press charges against me for harassment if I ever contact him again. I've contacted him twice in the last two years, once to tell him he was going to be a grandfather, and once to send him a birthday card from my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 637

You deserved it 1 810

By Wheresthebeefz - 01/02/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, I tried to save a dying bird I found on the sidewalk. I got a parking ticket for $114 in front of the animal hospital. I later found out the bird died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 882

You deserved it 7 882

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Spicy

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 036

You deserved it 2 350

By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 13:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 206

You deserved it 5 180

By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 11:46 - Denmark

Spicy

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 286

You deserved it 3 578

By Anonymous - 16/06/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 594

You deserved it 11 441

By WhereforeArtThouJustice - 10/12/2014 21:49 - Portugal

Today, one of my classmates asked the teacher to postpone her presentation because she had to study and the teacher happily agreed. When I approached her, the teacher started yelling at me because postponing deadlines is irresponsible. I just wanted to make sure we didn't need to bring our book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 904

You deserved it 2 273

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 15:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she let out a blood-curdling scream. Turned out she'd searched for My Little Pony pictures and stumbled upon a drawing of Rainbow Dash giving another pony a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 849

You deserved it 4 996

By whyeventry? - 02/08/2013 04:39 - United States - Neenah

Spicy

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 015

You deserved it 12 679

Death cult

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 05:01

Today, my aunt told me that I'm dead to her now and not to visit them ever again. Why? She found out that I'm pro-choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 231

By showerpower - 21/01/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 480

You deserved it 34 810

Sharing is caring

By Carla J. - 19/12/2008 05:41 - France

Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 624

You deserved it 2 842

By embarrassed - 18/08/2014 16:39 - United States - Great Neck

Spicy

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 520

You deserved it 20 416

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 05:39 - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 453

You deserved it 3 240

By Anonymous - 04/05/2013 21:44 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 114

You deserved it 9 288

By ilivehere - 17/07/2013 14:20 - United States - Moline

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 471

You deserved it 4 384

Very fishy

By Bryce - 10/05/2020 02:00

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 212

By Rohirus - 07/06/2012 23:09 - Sweden

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 475

You deserved it 2 532

By Janet - 10/03/2009 13:02 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 013

You deserved it 3 144

Pampered

By really karen?! - 29/09/2021 20:00 - United States

Today, I had to place a call home because a student was late every single day. The mom rudely replied, “Yeah well she doesn’t really like getting up in the mornings. Can’t you just wait and start class like 30 minutes later?” Now I have to have a conference with this spoiled brat and her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 78

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 10:52 - Netherlands

Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 031

You deserved it 6 570

By purged - 08/06/2013 23:43 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 003

You deserved it 8 630

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 01:54 - Australia - Stafford

Today, my best friend finally broke up with her knob of a boyfriend. This would be great except now my boyfriend of two years has broken up with me because she's finally single. She introduced us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 412

You deserved it 1 457

By why mom - 02/08/2016 23:52

Today, my straight, white, Christian stepmother greeted my black friend with, "Hey my n****a!" He hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 354

You deserved it 1 364

By sad - 26/02/2010 19:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 909

You deserved it 8 334

By where's the epipen - 23/10/2016 06:41 - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 767

You deserved it 872

By nicky - 31/03/2011 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 093

You deserved it 29 269

By Wick - 26/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 997

You deserved it 115 207

Packed in

By BackHurts - 16/07/2021 00:01 - Canada

Today, I paid $140 extra to get more comfort during a flight. The man behind me was so tall that his legs didn't let me recline the seat, and complained every time I tried to during the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 193

By Nafypoo - 21/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 390

You deserved it 900

By HaleyIsabelle - 08/03/2010 20:54 - France

Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 392

You deserved it 3 698

There you go

By Anonymous - 04/07/2018 01:30

Today, our work computers are down so I've been trying to fix it via my home computer for 3 days. My 12-year-old son took one look at the screen, changed 2 settings on a drop down menu, and the problem was fixed. My 12-year-old is better at my job than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 806

You deserved it 1 491

By Wrongdoor - 06/12/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 460

You deserved it 27 882

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 00:00

Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer saying they were having trouble getting ahold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to the place and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 517

You deserved it 466

By anonymous - 02/09/2012 22:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 393

You deserved it 7 335

By MushyKetchup - 14/08/2015 07:01 - United States - Amarillo

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 153

You deserved it 1 975

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

ididntdoitiswear 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:46

He must have been petrafied.

MichaelDeSanta 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:46

I feel like I'm missing some important piece of information about this fml.

Comments

gamermonster 34

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:44

Even though your mom may have just tried to be funny, you should talk about it with her OP. Good luck

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:56

"Mom, never try to be funny in front of company." Yeah, that should go down well.

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 11:14

Well yah, its ok to be humorous, but there is such a thing as taking it too far

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 11:44

I don't think she took it too far. It wasn't rude, offensive, or even embarrassing. I would have just laughed.

TH_Insomniak 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 20:02

I'd prefer those parents over ones that hate me just for the simple fact that I'm their boyfriend

tohellwithlife 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:44

oh crap!

ididntdoitiswear 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:46

He must have been petrafied.

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 10:03

And thinking how he couldn't live without her (him?) by his side.

ribx 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 10:20

Spending nights thinking how she did him wrong?

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 11:24

And he grew strong, and learned how to get along.

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 15:13

and so hes back, from outer space.

Eyalsh 32

Send a private message

Thursday 24 December 2015 2:48

she found him sitting there with that sad look upon his face.

Send a private message

Thursday 24 December 2015 6:06

Whoa slow down guys, I'm trying to keep pace.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 December 2015 18:45

Nice pun

MichaelDeSanta 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:46

I feel like I'm missing some important piece of information about this fml.

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 19:51

Simple. Mom's pretending to be a crazy person who thinks she's not. Or actually is crazy and thinks she's not.

Send a private message

Thursday 24 December 2015 4:53

I'm feeling like OP is a guy. That would make this FML make sense.

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2015 3:48

Ok, yeah there's that. Didn't even notice.

Send a private message

Thursday 7 January 2016 6:22

It's from the show Jane the Virgin. Petra is the crazy expensive wife of Raphael

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:51

Idk, if my partner's parent said that to me I would've found it kind of cute and funny. Like they are trying to make a good impression and maybe got nervous. I sure as hell said things I regretted instantly.

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:52

That pretty embarrassing... However Some people get flustered when meeting someone new (especially a new boyfriend). I am sure you can all laugh and move on . :)

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:53

Ok, it's official…I'm going to introduce myself to any future boyfriends/girlfriends brought home to me by saying "hi I'm the crazy one"

PenguinsLaugh 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 15:11

I like that idea!

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 9:57

Seems legit. I'd totally take her word for it.

mrsmikelowrey 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 10:01

That's hilarious! I would love to meet your mom!

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 December 2015 10:19

Well at least she ain't un-normal like "Hi I'm Petra, I kill people"

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 130

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 45