By FML Approved

When the Jehova's Witnesses come knocking...

I'm sorry, I don't remember inviting you over.

Tweet

Share

You tried

Good kid

Bad car day

By mylifeissad - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10233

You deserved it

37868

Tweet

Share

By ThatEndedWell - United States - Staten Island

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1114

You deserved it

4303

Tweet

Share

By Un1ucky - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56699

You deserved it

7415

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/5/2021 00:01 - Canada

Hey

Today, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and talk to my coworker because people have been saying I’m too shy. I say, "Hey" to a girl and she made fun of my voice. She’s the one who told me to talk more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1024

You deserved it

62

Tweet

Share

By ItHurtsLIkeHell - Malaysia

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11882

You deserved it

42949

Tweet

Share

By TheRawrza - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!". I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I don't think I'm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63149

You deserved it

8215

Tweet

Share

By mew - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39092

You deserved it

3213

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8787

You deserved it

53504

Tweet

Share

By mary - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27945

You deserved it

6835

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while at work, I cringed as I noticed my caveman colleague frantically digging into his nose and then continuing the use of his computer. I work in IT support and will be rebuilding his computer and reinstalling all his applications in 30 minutes time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25537

You deserved it

2354

Tweet

Share

By Rejected. - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49220

You deserved it

3907

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Austria

Today, my bag, including phone, money, keys and cards, was stolen. In a church. During my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48333

You deserved it

3122

Tweet

Share

By jag talar - Canada

Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30216

You deserved it

7168

Tweet

Share

By explanations - United States - Des Plaines

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80503

You deserved it

7920

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a birthday present from my boyfriend's mom. It was ProActiv acne solution. He tried to make me feel better by explaining it's because she wants to be able to include me in family pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40113

You deserved it

3365

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28135

You deserved it

8592

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44881

You deserved it

15795

Tweet

Share

By Why Me - United States - Seattle

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30311

You deserved it

2854

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1499

You deserved it

509

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57571

You deserved it

4089

Tweet

Share

By Gen - France

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30703

You deserved it

7463

Tweet

Share

By rachaaaaeul - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30982

You deserved it

4003

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out why my husband is suddenly uninterested in sex. Apparently one of the secretaries at work has finally turned 18, and it's pretty much an open secret among his coworkers that they fuck anywhere from 2 to 5 times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6972

You deserved it

486

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend called me as I was getting ready for bed and asked me to pick him up from the bar. Being a loving girlfriend I drive the 45 minutes; when I get there his friend informs me he left about 45 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37320

You deserved it

5177

Tweet

Share

By Deadendjob

Today, my dad refused to sign a student finance form to allow me to study my dream subject at university because he doesn't want the government knowing his business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5584

You deserved it

391

Tweet

Share

By froulita - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend doesn't know if he should break up with me because he loves me too much, or to stay with me and make me suffer. I have no clue as to what's going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45016

You deserved it

5212

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35809

You deserved it

3311

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76197

You deserved it

16654

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52575

You deserved it

5511

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34813

You deserved it

44788

Tweet

Share

By ArmyMan - United Arab Emirates

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40745

You deserved it

9877

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Delta

Today, my boyfriend sent me a screenshot of his phone's contact list, to show me the adorable photo of us he'd set as my contact image. I guess he didn't realize that a contact called "Side Babe" was just barely in the screenshot too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40627

You deserved it

2948

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13764

You deserved it

34596

Tweet

Share

By Recon - Switzerland

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

103541

You deserved it

8389

Tweet

Share

By ToiletProblems - United States - Northbrook

Today, I decided to use the disabled toilet in work to get a little extra privacy while I did my business. The cleaners who unlocked the door from the outside and barged in on me were nice and waited until I finished to apologize and explain there were complaints the door had been locked for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2025

You deserved it

442

Tweet

Share

By MissTrix - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31858

You deserved it

7343

Tweet

Share

By AdriBAMF - United States

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44207

You deserved it

7746

Tweet

Share

By surrounded by dumbfucks - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32821

You deserved it

2135

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31183

You deserved it

4144

Tweet

Share

By Madzison - Australia

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31925

You deserved it

4674

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By 1gullible_bugger | 33

#7510977 - Friday 28 July 2017 21:34

Or just don't answer the door.. I for one, don't like listening to their religious propaganda. I don't think it's right that they go around "selling" their religion. as much as I don't like what Christmas another religious holidays have become to society, I love being able to go get medical treatment at the hospital!

By BoulderDash_Tank1 | 3

#7511406 - Saturday 29 July 2017 2:40

Where is it that said JW s don't like life and want to live
There are Many JW MDs Scientists as far as I know it isn't said JW s Don't go get med. treatment when they need
Please check you source
Better yet Ask them
I did

COMMENTS

By 1gullible_bugger | 33

#7510977 - Friday 28 July 2017 21:34

Or just don't answer the door.. I for one, don't like listening to their religious propaganda. I don't think it's right that they go around "selling" their religion. as much as I don't like what Christmas another religious holidays have become to society, I love being able to go get medical treatment at the hospital!

Reply

KingLewisII | 34

#7511604 - Saturday 29 July 2017 5:41

Christmas and Easter are both pagan holidays that the Christians stole.

Reply

thatslifeiguess7 | 16

#7511789 - Saturday 29 July 2017 7:48

omg smart bird

Reply

bpickett18 | 16

#7512530 - Saturday 29 July 2017 17:37

I'm sorry but we do go to hospitals and our stuff is free. we don't "sell" anything.

By BoulderDash_Tank1 | 3

#7511397 - Saturday 29 July 2017 2:33

Revelation 1:5

By BoulderDash_Tank1 | 3

#7511406 - Saturday 29 July 2017 2:40

Where is it that said JW s don't like life and want to live
There are Many JW MDs Scientists as far as I know it isn't said JW s Don't go get med. treatment when they need
Please check you source
Better yet Ask them
I did

By AkaiKitsune | 31

#7512727 - Saturday 29 July 2017 19:39

When they come knocking I just answer with my boa wrapped around me and they seem to find other places to be very quickly.

Reply

BoulderDash_Tank1 | 3

#7520791 - Thursday 3 August 2017 23:52

What color is your Boa?