Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML
Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML
Today, in the middle of oral sex, I got a cramp in my tongue. Yes, it's a thing that can happen. My wife didn’t believe me, and since I’d already gotten a blowjob from her, she accused me of being lazy, selfish and no good at sex. This led to a huge argument and I’m now sleeping in my truck outside. FML
Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispered to me, "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party." There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML
Today, my wife is still refusing all forms of sex, because she thinks if she gets pregnant during lockdown, she’ll be the butt of all her friends' jokes about what people get up to to relieve the lockdown boredom. I know what I’d like to be getting up to right now to relieve my boredom. FML
Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML
Today, my boyfriend's jaw was swollen due to him not taking care of a cracked tooth. He's convinced it was actually caused by an STD, and accused me of giving it to him. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML
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Top comments
jojimugo 20
You’re ******
jbuckets_404 38
Until you're not....
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Comments (12)
RichardPencil 30
So, she mistakes your dick for an oriental rat flea? So, sorry, bro!
jojimugo 20
You’re ******
jbuckets_404 38
Until you're not....
Cat Michele Davila 3
Do you watch ****? Together? Watch a hot girl give a man head and see how fast your jealous wife will drop to her knees. You're welcome.
Inkoseh 31
This can and will most likely backfire. Please don't resort to making each other jealous, it leads to anger and fear in a relationship. Why do people constantly give this as advice? They both need to go to a REAL doctor together or do real research to get more than "FB facts". We've been procreating and giving/receiving oral for as long as mankind existed. Unfortunately OP's wife fell for some sort of fake scare tactic and OP needs to help his wife see the truth, no matter how embarrassing it may be to ask.
kindameanalwaysfun 7
lmao good advice
Kelly Robinson 12
should tell her that the only way it gives you infections is if you have a std which i doubt you do since she has been fine this entire time
Rusty Armstrong 13
Sounds like an excuse
mekiswrite 21
Does your wife also believe vaccines cause autism?
baristalbc 18
Well if it’s on the Internet, it’s true 😂
Maks Lesniewski 7
Well, it can't directly do that, but it can increase the risk, as some studies suggest.