The Top

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Anonymous's next job could be in cyber (she just doesn't know it yet)

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 14:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my doctor told me the severe hearing damage from my car accident is permanent. I just graduated with a degree for Interpreting and Translating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 136

8 out of 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 14:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning, only to find out that I had been brushing my teeth wrong for years. He told me you're supposed to let the toothpaste do its magic instead of rinsing it off. Is this true? FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 428

Jesus saves

By WorkSexMonkey - 04/01/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 053

You deserved it 37 374

Overly emotional

By hhhhhhhh - 31/03/2023 00:00

Today, my date received food she didn’t order, and instead of eating it without complaint, she sent it back. When I got up to leave, she began to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 2 248

By Me - 20/12/2010 06:22

Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 958

You deserved it 5 739

HELP!

By ToiletTony - 19/06/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I was using the bathroom in a department store. When I was finished, I couldn't get the stall door open. I'm claustrophobic and I freaked out and started shouting for help. A 6 year-old boy got the door open for me. It turns out I was pushing when I should have been pulling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 842

You deserved it 51 594

It's a Christmas… Anticlimax

By Lexie - 26/12/2021 08:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I got dressed up in my best attire and drove an hour to my family Christmas, only to find out it was canceled, and nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 102

By buttpain - 11/01/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 039

You deserved it 1 050

Not a good look

By dumb dumb dumb - 20/10/2020 20:04 - United States

Today, my daughter decided she wants to be a Pokémon for Halloween. To practice the look, she used fabric dye because she thought it would look cool on her skin. Only she decided to dress as Jynx and instead of looking cool, she looks like a racist idiot in blackface. She posted pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 196

Whiffy

By Uber Chad - 25/03/2023 10:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and forgot to put on deodorant. I didn't realize until my coworker told me I smelled like a gym sock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 372

By CPD - 15/10/2011 04:12 - Canada

Today, I made a half-hour bike ride to the movie store, only to realize I'd forgotten my money. I made the ride back home, grabbed my money, went back to the store, paid, then made a second ride home. I got home exhausted, and opened the case. They gave me the wrong movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 319

You deserved it 6 156

ETA? No idea!

By Anonymous - 31/03/2023 02:00

Today, I was running late for an important meeting and couldn't find my car keys. After searching around for way too long, I finally realised where they were - in the pocket of the pants I'd worn the day before, which were now spinning around in the now-unstoppable, two-hour washing machine cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 424

Stuck

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 11:01 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was told by my boss if I was late one more time he fired me. I replied, "Can I quit then if that's the case." He then said no, and gave me more shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 1 081

Loose cannon

By Anonymous - 21/03/2026 09:00

Today, I found out that my workplace still won't fire my coworker who is extremely rude to customers. Last week, he called a black woman the n-word right to her face. All he did was just get yelled at and told to get back to work. No matter how many complaints, they simply won't fire him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 70

By ipodless - 13/10/2011 00:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I asked everyone for iTunes money, pleased to finally be able to buy some new songs for my iPod. After receiving several gift cards, I discovered that my iPod had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 343

You deserved it 4 342

By unlovedfatty - 16/12/2010 01:01 - United States

Today, I reactivated my Facebook account, having not used it for three months. My "friends" didn't realize this. According to their recent status updates, I'm disgustingly fat, have a hook nose, and I'm secretly hated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 589

You deserved it 4 985

By rukus - 16/06/2009 03:25 - Canada

Today, I was was leaving the library when I noticed an elderly woman being mugged. I was about to leave on my bike, but promptly went to help her. After I managed to scare off the mugger, I helped her to her car. As I was heading back to my bike, I notice the mugger riding off on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 45

Smooth sailing

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 05:02 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I found out the man I've been wanting to marry for a year and a half wants us to take a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 149

Drunken NYE antics

By jeffprobs - 01/01/2022 13:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got drunk and hit her head at a New Year's party. I took her to the emergency room just in case as she was bleeding, but she protested, yelled at the nurse, and got kicked out. Now she’s arguing with me about whether or not a head injury warrants an emergency room visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 129

Ever decreasing circles

By Anonymous - 31/03/2023 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I had to give presentation at work, for which I'd extensively prepared. However, as soon as I started speaking, I had a sudden panic attack and forgot everything I'd rehearsed. I stumbled through the presentation, feeling the embarrassment steadily grow in front of my colleagues. I almost passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 185

Shit eating grin

By lame - 31/12/2009 05:02 - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 416

You deserved it 22 034

By gabe8 - 15/06/2009 05:42 - Mexico

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 428

You deserved it 96 308

Low blow

By Alay - 25/03/2026 15:00

Today, while I was working, my friend stopped by and visited with me a moment. After she left, my client asked me if she was my daughter. My friend is 32 and I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 84

Not a sponsored post

By nutfreak - 12/08/2013 15:24 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 644

You deserved it 3 640

By CantPublish - 04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 946

You deserved it 24 671

Jumpy

By TheSentinel05 - 27/10/2020 20:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom said my name and startled me so badly, I jumped and dropped the glass I was holding. She still isn’t speaking to me for breaking her favorite glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 236

Sounds iffy

By Anonymous - 02/02/2022 22:59

Today, I spent almost 1000$ on an ex girlfriend, not because I wanted to, I was court ordered. She had her child with a guy who was already married, and told the government that I was the father. This was 2 years after she stole my credit card and maxed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 163

By hairless - 09/10/2011 03:53 - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 465

You deserved it 6 791

The jug of shame

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I had a Zoom meeting. I tried being professional by setting a virtual office background, but during the meeting my computer glitched and revealed my real background: a pile of dirty laundry and a jug of Arizona Tea. My boss couldn’t stop laughing because he thought the jug was a jug of piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 447

By jdmarine83 - 07/10/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I got my first job after having spent months looking, and graduating college in the meantime. I got it based on my pre-college qualifications. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 3 336

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The Top

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 425

You deserved it 1 708

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 175

You deserved it 7 766

Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle's cap off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 750

You deserved it 1 094

Today, I was at a house-warming party and my friend was in her kitchen making drinks. When I was almost done with my drink, I went to take the last gulp and saw three mouse turds stuck to the inside bottom of the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 816

You deserved it 558

Today, I found out through 23andMe that my ex-husband and father of my children is my 5th cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 222

Today, my worst fear was realised while walking past an under 15’s football game. The ball landed right by me and I attempted to kick it back, except it went flying diagonally & ended up even further away. I’m a 36 year-old man and got roasted by a bunch of 15 year-old boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 321