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By Ryan - 28/08/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 243

You deserved it 8 179

Don't believe the hype

By Anonymous - 14/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was hyping myself up to work out after weeks of being a lazy slob. I slapped my workout gear on, got my Spotify playlist ready, and just as I was about to start, my friend texted me asking if I wanted pizza. I’m now in my workout clothes, eating pizza on his couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 513

Brotherly love

By Sad guy - 08/01/2021 20:01 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I felt so lonely that I was almost jealous of the way Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon playfully express affection for each other on CNN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 248

By Aaron - 14/05/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, I walked to my local McDonald's. I spent the last 7 dollars I had on my meal. As I began to walk back to my dorm, I was mugged. I explained to them I had no money, so they stole my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 175

You deserved it 3 736

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 535

Entitled

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 15:00

Today, I know my ex has spoiled our daughter. How do I know this? Because I got her a low level job at the same company as me, got her first paycheck and legit asked me, “Is that it? Where’s the rest of my money?” What rest of her money? That’s her wages for a months work. Curse my rich ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 227

Not much going on

By Anonymous - 18/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I told my mom a funny story, and she responded with, “Yeah, I saw it on your Instagram last week.” My life is now reduced to reruns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 422

Welcome to hell

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 23:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, I found out that he, his sister, and their father enjoy talking loudly over the person who is currently talking, because what anyone else says is not worth listening to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 119

Mean streets

By tiptoppc - 19/06/2023 14:00 - United States - Grand Island

Today, my car was totaled when a semi passed me and blew his transaxle out of his truck into my car. I travel for work and just got my job. I also just put plates on my car. It’s now triggered my PTSD from another car accident I was injured in. I keep crying from flashbacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 137

Catflap time

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 17:01 - Germany

Today, our cat doesn’t care much whether she gets into my room or not. Except at about 3 a.m. each night. That’s the time she sits outside the door, meowing to be let in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 155

Desperate

By Anonymous - 24/06/2023 18:00

Today, the guy I gave up all my social life and casual sex partner for, suddenly decided that he wants nothing to do with me sexually, and then called me "desperate" for wanting to be his friend despite that fact. Now, because of him, I'm no longer getting laid, and I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 1 647

Another fine mess

By Moron - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 246

You deserved it 6 715

How the turntables…

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 04:00

Today, after two years of working from home, and being bugged by a relative every five minutes as I tried to work, I turned the tables by asking her something. I promptly got chewed out for interrupting something she was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 127

By Happy Employee - 31/08/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 330

You deserved it 2 717

By garlicbread - 26/11/2009 22:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 627

You deserved it 29 960

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 187

Nair do well

By muffin - 10/05/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 025

You deserved it 16 624

Compassionate management

By Dean Roberts - 01/02/2021 20:01 - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, my manager said it was my choice to have surgery on my arm and that I shouldn't complain, everyone goes through pain. She's right, but I was born with a birth defect in my wrist. The surgery was going to happen sooner or later, I didn't want to be born this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 14:45 - Norway

Today, my 3 year old kid wanted to do something nice. I told him he could pick up some of his toys. He washed my new Iphone instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 974

You deserved it 7 533

Red flag

By Anonymous - 07/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Blacksburg

Today, I caught my husband of 13 years looking at other women in Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 510

Run home

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 14:56 - United States

Today, I ran the mile in gym class. I was the second to last person to finish, and I was left panting and feeling faint. When the teacher found out I hadn't come in dead last, he accused me of skipping a lap and is now making me rerun the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 134

You deserved it 6 202

How could you forget?

By James - 31/01/2021 11:01

Today, I realised that my birthday was yesterday. I was so busy with my painting work that I completely forgot. I realised when I got messages from friends in the USA, wishing me a happy birthday. Seriously timezones? FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 306

Brainwashing

By stuck - 11/05/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, due to some serious health and financial issues, I literally have no choice but to have my mom watch my kids. She's turned my son into the most spoiled insufferable brat, I can’t stand it. Then I feel like I’m punishing him at home for what his grandmother enforces in hers. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 202

I don't know, leave me alone

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, my mom and dad went off somewhere for some alone time together. My mom had apparently turned her phone off and my dad left his at home. In that span of time, my brother had accidentally locked himself out of his house, and my sister was also trying to get a hold of them, and now are asking me where they're at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 174

Eco-friendly

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 02:01

Today, my colleague heated 1,5 liters of water, waited visibly impatient the several minutes it took to boil, made himself one cup of tea, then poured the rest down the drain. Maximum amount of time and energy wasted in one go? Check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 122

Tight

By Pudgy - 11/04/2022 10:01

Today, I tried on a dress for prom. It took a while to zip, but I insisted it'd fit. I asked for help. When the lady finally managed to zip all the way, the dress completely ripped at the seams. Not only did I have to pay $169 for it, but the lady told me, “We have more dresses in the plus-sized section!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 1 836

By escortedout - 23/10/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was at a movie theater. I heard some obnoxious people talking in front of me. After about 5 minutes, I began throwing popcorn at a group of suspected people. As I was escorted out, I realized that the obnoxious people were in the background of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 129

You deserved it 47 422

Socialite

By Jason - 22/11/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said , "You're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'd be bad for my social reputation." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 182

You deserved it 3 851

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 21:30

Today, after almost a year of no steady work, I struggled to get anything done once my 7-months pregnant girlfriend woke up at noon. She wanted to talk the whole time, and eventually broke down crying because of her relationship with her mother. I spent the the day consoling her. No wonder I can't get any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 809

Skincare routine

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 12:00

Today, my boyfriend's dick is broken. We used to have an amazing sex life but because he won't take care of his jock itch, and his skin keeps cracking every time there's any pulling on his junk, I haven't really been laid in almost a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 301

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The Top

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 357

You deserved it 4 503

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 058

You deserved it 7 458

Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 821

You deserved it 2 750

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 520

You deserved it 6 526

Today, I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 147

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. and ate some chips that were on my nightstand, totally unaware that they were covered in ants. Now I have two swollen lips and my kid’s birthday party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 1 166