Health: Today, I was skiing really fast and there was a sign saying 'Slow... - FML

By Skier - 29/01/2010 02:01 - Canada

Today, I was skiing really fast and there was a sign saying 'Slow Down'. Feeling rather good about myself I decided to jump over the sign. Whilst jumping, however, I caught my ski tips on the sign and went face first into the ground. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 222

You deserved it 55 398

Batman

Best teeth in the game

The sweet smell of success

By Forever Alone x2 - 07/01/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 987

You deserved it 4 061

By Anonymous - 01/09/2015 17:02

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 2 081

By Anonymous - 13/08/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 6 305

By rowanjusmc - 26/10/2011 04:31 - United States

Today, I got a concussion while teaching a kid how to be a safe and cautious swimmer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 017

You deserved it 5 120

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed because hers is ,"reserved for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 189

You deserved it 820

By anon - 31/12/2012 18:13 - United States - Gilroy

Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 163

You deserved it 3 126

By anon - 26/07/2010 04:22 - United States

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 023

You deserved it 3 210

By MemoKrosav - 30/01/2016 03:54 - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 231

You deserved it 4 522

By hatemyjob - 23/06/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I discovered that even though I now have a key to get into the office, I don't know the code to shut off the alarm system. I showed up early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 674

You deserved it 4 029

By sailinggsoul - 02/08/2019 00:01

Today, I bought a box of tampons and went to the store restroom to insert one. I then put the box inside my purse. On my way out, I got stopped by security, who yelled at me to empty my purse. He grabbed my bag, spilling the tampons everywhere. Apparently, he thought I was stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 843

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 554

You deserved it 4 142

USA Number One!

By Anonymous - 06/01/2021 23:30 - United States - Wynnewood

Today, I live in the same country that deployed the National Guard to suppress peaceful BLM protests, yet allowed a bunch of psychotic Trump supporters to break into the Capitol. I’m ashamed to be human right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 581

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 21:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met my brother for the first time in 20 years. Everything was going great, until he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 709

You deserved it 3 347

By sam - 15/12/2010 20:11 - United States

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because "That class is stupid". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 768

You deserved it 4 081

By Margaret - 26/12/2018 02:00

Today, I saw some random iTunes charge on my bank account so I called who I thought was iTunes customer support to figure out the $5 charge, then got scammed into buying $1,400 worth of gift cards. The man on the phone was not with iTunes and took all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 5 425

By SKG95 - 22/08/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 120

Good smell

By smellslikeroses - 30/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 1 802

You tried!

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 00:30 - Germany

Today, my mom, not gifted for household chores, proudly announced that she cleaned the toilet. As it turns out, what she'd primarily cleaned was the deodorizer inside the toilet. Then she tried for the stains inside the bowl, unsuccessfully, then she gave up. But yeah, great job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 76

Prank culture has gone too far

By qhorin halflung - 22/07/2015 17:35

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my, "stupid fucking prank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 396

You deserved it 2 161

But was he cute though?

By Leah Truncale - 24/11/2020 13:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I met a boy on Snapchat. I sent him my picture and he said I was cute. We talked for a bit, and I said, "Okay" to something. Then he sent his picture, but my slow Wi-Fi made it look like I said okay to his picture, right after he'd called me cute. I tried to explain, but he said I was just trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 116

By GetAnotherRoomAlready - 12/03/2016 05:58 - United States - Singapore

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 795

You deserved it 1 683

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:38 - United States

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 623

You deserved it 6 221

By waiterrrrrrrrr - 02/08/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 759

You deserved it 6 961

Oh, hi grandma!

By Ashes to ashes - 16/10/2020 05:01

Today, I woke up to what seemed like dirt on my face. Not dirt. It was cremated remains. My memory charm had broken open in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 297

By rice_cake - 22/05/2009 10:52 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of me and says "Oh very nice. How much?" I reply "You couldn't afford me." An old guy sitting next to me says "I bet I could" and puts his hand on my leg. I forfeited the bus and walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 110

You deserved it 25 949

By dave - 27/10/2009 15:36 - United States

Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they conveniently built right outside of this Wal-Mart. So as I was leaving, I decided to make use of this car wash, not even thinking about the $200 worth of groceries I had just purchased. I drive a pick-up truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 718

You deserved it 68 382

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

By Whoishe? - 02/06/2021 06:00

Today, I realized my husband is a completely different person than when we married. It’s only been three and a half years since we eloped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 147

Nice family you've got there

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 697

You deserved it 2 630

By Mr. Sniffles - 23/03/2015 15:43 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 080

You deserved it 2 606

By ILTali - 03/03/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 640

You deserved it 8 155

By anon - 21/04/2009 08:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And i was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 019

You deserved it 4 912

By Anonymous - 27/01/2010 19:51 - Canada

Today, while my teacher was in the middle of a lecture, I accidentally made it so my laptop would display everything upside down. It took me the rest of class to get it right side up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 164

You deserved it 30 915

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 385

You deserved it 4 010

By deserted - 01/09/2010 07:05 - France

Today, I was going to meet my friend at a concert. I got there before her, so I went in to check out the local bands that were playing before the headliner. When she got there, I went just outside the building to give her a ticket. The security guards wouldn't let me back in. She went in anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 658

You deserved it 7 138

By Anonymous - 05/11/2015 21:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 818

You deserved it 2 046

High expectations

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was super flattered to find out that one of my former white collar colleagues recommended me for a job. It wasn’t until the phone interview that I realized it was at the lunch counter at her new office building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 72

Smart kid

By my_way_1213 - 09/06/2018 20:30

Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 231

You deserved it 3 678

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 09:07 - United States - Atwater

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 164

You deserved it 2 239

By unknown - 07/04/2013 17:01 - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 941

You deserved it 2 875

By leaf hater - 17/11/2011 12:43 - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 892

You deserved it 2 359

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Top comments

Thatguywhotrolls 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:24

And this, children, is how natural selection works! This person will now develop a fatal brain defect that will prevent them from breeding and thus helping to thin the herd of the weak and the stupid!

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:40

YDI. Idiots like you are the ones we end up having to call for ambulances for at the ski hill I work at. Stop being a show-off and do what the sign says. They're there to keep you and others safe and also for liability.

Comments

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:16

haha. but YDI for that.

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Friday 29 January 2010 13:18

u should try learning how to ski before trying to jump a slow sign.BTW if you lifted your tips you would have destroyed the sign rather than the sign destroying you.

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Friday 29 January 2010 13:44

lmao

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Friday 29 January 2010 19:12

ur an idiot 4 not following what the sign said they have signs 4 a reason dummass

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Saturday 30 January 2010 10:33

So, Did you enjoy your trip?

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Sunday 31 January 2010 1:00

As a snowboarder i tend to go over the signs in my own selfbeliving anarchaic fit of 'cool'. Fun but hollow. depending on the sign usually on a slope its to plastic poles with a plastic banner of you where was enough the tips MAY have gone through it. But thats the result of cockieness we've all had our share. But to be fair YDI. Peace Out x

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:50

FACEPLANT!!!!!!!YDI hahahaha

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Monday 15 March 2010 1:26

well at last the sign made you slow down

greendaygirl999 5

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Monday 22 March 2010 7:41

YDI for being a conceited douche

billyhirvine09 0

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Sunday 4 April 2010 15:56

fake. if you were going that fast you wouldve just taken out the sign

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Thursday 29 April 2010 8:23

lol. Hard.

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Thursday 8 August 2013 9:03

-60 People also invented grammar for a reason

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:19

I don't understand how you can fall 'hard' into the snow...

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:20

anything even feathers can hurt if you fall fast enough

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:26

Packed snow can be quite hard, and even a modest 20mph impact can be brutal.

brutal_banger 10

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Friday 29 January 2010 11:50

I live in Alaska trust me you can fall into the snow and get hurt especially when you fly off a snowmachine

Jrook 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 15:20

it's snowmobile you idiot, you don't call automobiles road machines do you

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Friday 29 January 2010 16:52

There are no machines, too, they're different.

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Friday 29 January 2010 17:34

I got a concussion from snow. Especially at a ski resort, people are skiing/snowboarding over said snow and packing it down. There is nothing soft about the snow on ski runs.

sadistmonkey 19

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Friday 29 January 2010 17:58

snowmobiles are known as snowmachines in alaska.

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Sunday 31 January 2010 0:18

me too alyeska is the best

___SUPERSTAR___ 0

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Thursday 31 March 2011 7:21

alyeska? dumb fuck

iiloveeyouuxD 0

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 3:39

It hurts. Trust me I snowboard.

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:20

ha ha that's what u get show off

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Friday 29 January 2010 23:56

lol something tells me you should've slowed down..

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Tuesday 29 November 2011 7:34

That's what they get for skiing. Snowboarding all the way!

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:20

hahahaha! YDI

Thatguywhotrolls 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:24

And this, children, is how natural selection works! This person will now develop a fatal brain defect that will prevent them from breeding and thus helping to thin the herd of the weak and the stupid!

MagicalPegicorn 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:49

Thank you grandpa Troll!

Thatguywhotrolls 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:53

Not a problem little Pegicorn!

KarelessKitten 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:31

FACE PLANT! fuck yeah. ur lucky u didn't break anything.

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:32

good for you!! wanna cookie? :-)

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:37

nice lol

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:38

Epic fail. How I wish I have a picture of the exact moment your ski caught the sign...

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:40

YDI. Idiots like you are the ones we end up having to call for ambulances for at the ski hill I work at. Stop being a show-off and do what the sign says. They're there to keep you and others safe and also for liability.

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Friday 29 January 2010 17:33

^This. Usually signs like that are before crowded areas of the slope so you don't hit little kids and stuff. Jumping the sign will only speed you up, not slow you down. Good thing you fell before you mauled a small child.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 12

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 143