Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was after I saved...

By BaldingQuick - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was after I saved several paychecks to afford to give her a weekend away for her birthday. Why did she end things so quick? Because apparently I'm balding faster than her Dad. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32467

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Love

Understandable

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Freshman blues

By meep - United States

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40642

You deserved it

12301

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By Username - United States

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34851

You deserved it

6274

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By doodoobref - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19854

You deserved it

29917

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By selfishsexysanta - United States

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43252

You deserved it

13764

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By TKPhai - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28119

You deserved it

16400

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38461

You deserved it

4242

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By Username

Today, I came home to a lease violation and a $220 fine after a routine pest control visit. The violation: my single beta fish in a small bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29365

You deserved it

4927

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By Vahootie - United States

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81739

You deserved it

4038

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By Annoyed Student - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36892

You deserved it

4126

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By amazinghermit - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31028

You deserved it

6503

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By Gamergirl137 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24392

You deserved it

2566

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By Thatgirl112 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18890

You deserved it

4856

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By Dontwaketheneighbors - United States - Santee

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40564

You deserved it

4541

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By me - United States

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19674

You deserved it

54585

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By CorpseBride - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, and my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse!" He laughed his head off and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8801

You deserved it

2059

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By Lilly - United States - Conway

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18650

You deserved it

123902

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By dumpedfornoreason - United States - Normal

Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2978

You deserved it

542

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By -_- - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38864

You deserved it

5328

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By atleastwedidntdie

Today, I was supposed to be sipping margaritas on a beach in Mexico. Too bad we only made it 37 miles before getting in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3442

You deserved it

274

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By Nails - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

68948

You deserved it

7183

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By Anonymous

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48264

You deserved it

3667

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By Haggis300 - Australia

Today, my best friend went to my boss and offered to do my job for half the pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31164

You deserved it

2434

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By -_- - United States - San Francisco

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12937

You deserved it

32254

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By onehitwonder

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31779

You deserved it

3780

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By Kelli - United States

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17132

You deserved it

42091

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By smyp - Lithuania

Today, I was going down the elevator in my dorm and a friend joined on another floor. He then thought it was a good time to tell me that he slept with my girlfriend when the elevator got stuck. Worst 40 minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26580

You deserved it

1591

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13842

You deserved it

46703

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By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boyfriend slept with my sister. "Accidentally", apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44402

You deserved it

3873

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By dazedandconfused - United States

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8888

You deserved it

535

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By shamed - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36038

You deserved it

3328

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By Lua - France - Laon

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10290

You deserved it

894

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father sent me a text message that simply stated "You ruined my relationship with my daughter." I wanted to ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37937

You deserved it

3356

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By Anonymous

Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2006

You deserved it

511

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By toelie

Oh the times, they are a-changin'

Today, as two of my students walked into my classroom, I said, "Hi, ladies". One of them screamed at me: "Did you just assume my gender?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4965

You deserved it

569

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By good job bf - United States - Southampton

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49056

You deserved it

2869

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By secret - United States - Ashford

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39638

You deserved it

2212

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By 3023-dang - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41877

You deserved it

2576

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By ASMR

Today, I woke up with laryngitis. I just got hired as a waitress. Tomorrow is opening day, the restaurant plays loud music and I can't speak any louder than a whisper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1906

You deserved it

114

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By anonymous - Japan

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36137

You deserved it

4043

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By Anonymous - United States - Audubon

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35839

You deserved it

3961

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Top comments

By TruckerGustav | 0

#818729 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:05

She only wants you for your looks... what a bitch. Luckily you saved your money.

By Cthulu | 0

#818746 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:10

You can use the money you saved on her birthday to buy hair regrowing products. Then get a new girfriend and make sure your ex sees the her and your rich, thick, lush new head of hair.

COMMENTS

By TruckerGustav | 0

#818729 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:05

She only wants you for your looks... what a bitch. Luckily you saved your money.

Enoch134 | 0

#818832 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:59

lol I think he spent the cash on her

crailboyne | 0

#819334 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 21:42

well what if it was the other way around...would u want your girlfriend balding faster than ur dad?

jessxoxo28 | 5

#819443 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 22:43

but its still not a good reason to break up. pretty bitchy actually. 'cause she's only going for the looks.

cbubba008 | 0

#819795 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:54

her friends are prob as shallow as her so with get with her best friend and leave the wreckage behind as ur bald head walks away

mcgugs | 0

#820450 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 4:00

@62: I concur, in fact I personally think that she was merely looking for any excuse to break up w/ him

toxic10uhc | 0

#823777 - Thursday 4 February 2010 5:04

stop doing weed and your hair won't fall out *koff koff*

By 050294 | 0

#818734 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:06

What an evil woman!

Missy612 | 14

#4474635 - Thursday 24 May 2012 2:57

MWAA HAA HAA that's How we roll;)

funneh1 | 21

#6463146 - Monday 16 November 2015 22:46

No, that is not how we roll.

By Anteezy | 7

#818735 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:07

At least you still got the money.

DonkeyDelight | 0

#819740 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:37

I laugh at your icon everytime. I'm just incredibly immature ; )

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#818742 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:09

Enjoy your weekend alone, try not to waste too much money on whores.

By Cthulu | 0

#818746 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:10

You can use the money you saved on her birthday to buy hair regrowing products. Then get a new girfriend and make sure your ex sees the her and your rich, thick, lush new head of hair.

MXavierT | 0

#819453 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 22:48

you just won an internets.

Puls3ofth3maggot | 0

#823667 - Thursday 4 February 2010 4:32

lol until it grows too fast into a mullet... then he fails

By roadie42 | 21

#818750 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:11

yeah, good thing you didn't spend the money on her yet. shallow bitch.

By TruckerGustav | 0

#818752 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:12

Yeah Piccard FTW!

By erjaguam | 0

#818754 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:13

uh yeah

By peko | 0

#818755 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:13

Don't be so upset bro!
Think about happy side!

You are free man now!

By jammin24 | 0

#818762 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:17

to hell with her... you have the money