Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, my boyfriend suffers from Little Man Syndrome and I’m thinking of dumping him, because last night was the seventh time in a year I had to pick him up from hospital after he deliberately picked a fight with a guy bigger than himself and got knocked out. Now he has black eyes and no front teeth. FML
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Top comments
lifeis4me 20
Tell him he can watch his movies but he needs to sleep on the couch
jfigley 5
Lol oops
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Comments (4)
Yuno Senju 4
Leave him
jfigley 5
Lol oops
lifeis4me 20
Tell him he can watch his movies but he needs to sleep on the couch
BurnInDemonFire 39
Clearly the horror and zombie genres are knot for him.