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By 1415926 - 22/01/2015 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a large envelope from a college I applied to earlier. My mom, expecting big news, made my family gather round as I opened it. It ended up being a letter of rejection from not just that school, but all three campuses of the state college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 300

You deserved it 2 784

By moopymoplady - 29/11/2011 00:44 - Canada

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 301

You deserved it 5 636

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 70

Is it me?

By Jules - 12/06/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I once again have to attend a family gathering and never hear the end of, “Julie, you’re 33 and you still haven’t found a man?” What they don’t understand is that every time I pour my heart out to a guy, I always get the ladder kicked out from under me. As a result, I can’t get close to anyone anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 135

By oooops - 24/01/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 761

You deserved it 36 316

By Glutton - 28/01/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 267

You deserved it 49 663

Stop talking

By -.- - 19/01/2015 01:18 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 076

You deserved it 3 046

By noweddingforyou - 29/09/2013 19:21 - Canada - Guelph

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 523

You deserved it 7 690

By garage - 27/01/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 8 611

By RDMdragoon - 13/07/2009 11:16 - United States

Today, while deleting my ex-fiancée's account off my computer, I saved her pics. I found one of her with her now boyfriend in our bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 183

You deserved it 4 560

Average New Yorker

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 18:30

Today, I put my “I love NY” t-shirt on inside out by accident. When I went to a coffee shop, the barista asked, “What’s with the weird NY shirt?” I replied, “I don’t know, it’s just my thing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 726

Experimenting

By Anonymous - 16/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Englewood

Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 650

Horny dudes

By Fonz - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 552

You deserved it 57 475

By nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 304

You deserved it 11 893

Bosses gonna boss

By Anonymous - 18/06/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss yelled at me because every time he does his checklist walk-through of the warehouse I’m always sat on my ass in the break room, either watching television or fast asleep. Yeah, he does his walk-through every day between 12:30 and 12:45, right in the middle of my lunch break. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 86

By NoBikesForYou - 26/09/2013 22:56 - Israel - Ramla

Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg, and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 105

You deserved it 6 155

By Anonymous - 11/07/2009 19:22 - Canada

Today, I got a parking ticket for $150. It seems it was issued by my husband, who apparently can't remember license plate numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 047

You deserved it 31 907

By asparagus piss - 19/10/2012 17:05 - United States - Tifton

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 823

You deserved it 6 637

Self improvement

By little tooth - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 333

You deserved it 9 448

Technique

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 23:02

Today, I figured out the best way to endure my wife's lack of sex drive: whenever she complains, I lose the urge myself. Works like a charm, because she complains all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 275

Told you so

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 14:00

Today, I told my stepdad 3 times not to unload my new stove by himself, being worried about both the appliance and his bad back. When I came back to the car two minutes later, he'd taken the stove out and was wondering where that huge scratch on the side might have come from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 106

Eat the rich

By DimeShapedBruise - 24/09/2013 06:14 - United States - Beaverton

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 884

You deserved it 3 149

Stay away!

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 03:08 - Singapore

Today, my sister used my mobile phone to call her boyfriend, who is married with children. His wife found my number on his phone and thought that I'm my sister. Since then, she has been calling me non-stop, calling me a "prostitute" each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 228

You deserved it 5 457

Invest in ear plugs

By Dana O'Neil - 24/08/2020 23:03 - Canada - Westerose

Today, and every night all summer, I can hear the kids outside playing when I go to bed. They’re so loud, it makes it hard to sleep. The kids have a later bedtime than I do, and I’m 33. I'm feeling like a broken down old lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 277

Halloween (slight return)

By fuck you and that stupid mutt - 02/11/2021 08:00

Today, I was outside carving pumpkins with my kids in the grass in my apartments. This rabid Karen starting screaming about the mess we were making. First of all, we were putting the pulp in a bag; second, she lets her dog bark all night and never cleans up it’s shit whenever it goes on our property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 103

Time is running out

By Beatriz - 25/06/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, the guys I rejected for being too short or looking too nerdy are both in committed relationships and engaged with their significant others. Meanwhile, it’s been two years and I keep getting ghosted or in situationship after situationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 1 353

By Yeoman - 19/11/2011 07:47 - New Zealand

Today, my mother looked me dead in the face and said, "I have failed as a parent." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 247

You deserved it 7 122

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 032

You deserved it 8 471

By andrie09 - 07/07/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 358

You deserved it 3 093

My life blows

By Sua - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 941

You deserved it 4 399

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The Top

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. I also found out that my best friend knew about it all along. When I confronted him, he tried to justify the betrayal by saying that she paid him to keep quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 501

You deserved it 2 005

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 224

You deserved it 3 589

Today, after scrubbing every surface twice a week for a month, I finally found the source of the pee smell in my bathroom. Under the toilet. The people who built our house didn't think it was necessary to seal around the toilet. There was two years of pee under there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 284

You deserved it 394

Today, I overheard this girl I don't really know say that she had cramps. Trying to be helpful, I turned round and told her she should stretch out where she had them. She then asked how the fuck she was supposed to stretch her ovaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 2 788

Today, my stepdaughter called me "Dad" for the first time. It was quite an emotional moment, until I realised she was just recording my reaction for a stupid TikTok, and didn’t really mean it. She’s pulled some pranks before, but this time I’m done with her, she can fuck right off from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 146

Today, after seven years, I finally found out why my sister was mad at me: Because I had to get admitted to give birth on the day she had planned her baby shower, which she didn't inform me about or invite me to. As I stole her thunder by giving birth, being full term 44 weeks and way past my due date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 60