The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Mr Loverman

By thathurt - 29/03/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed a Scantron sheet, but some people forgot some. I had an extra one and this really hot girl offered to buy it for $1.00. I said I'd give it to her for her number. She looked around and asked, "Does anyone else have an extra?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 123

You deserved it 30 163

Debate bro

By Fuck Trump. - 03/05/2021 14:01

Today, after a supervisor, who is a Donald Trump fanatic, kept pestering us with the subject, I decided to debate with him, never swearing or disrespecting him at all. I was fired, presumably for disrespecting a supervisor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 577

Alexa, play "Do You Realize" by The Flaming Lips

By Anonymous - 22/10/2023 05:00

Today, a super cute girl at college approached me and I thought all my Christmases had come at once, until she said, “Do you realise someone has written 'Tiny Penis' on your forehead in black marker?” It must have been my brother while I was asleep last night. I’d been at college 4 hours FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 248

Bad romance

By Carloly - 14/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, a guy I’ve been dating for a while surprised me with tickets to see my favorite singer, Lady Gaga, for my birthday. I was about to tell him I can’t see him anymore because I fell for someone else at work, and it wouldn’t be fair to string him along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 590

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 04:57 - United States - Paducah

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 060

You deserved it 4 335

By wtf - 15/08/2010 12:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 360

You deserved it 2 908

Alternative

By never date activists - 24/10/2023 02:00

Today, my girlfriend has such a bad ear infection that she's leaking yellow pus, but she still refuses antibiotics, calling them "white man's poison" and insisting that "indigenous healing" will cure her. This translates to listening to drum music and dancing, then vomiting everywhere because her balance is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 190

He said what?!

By Anonymous - 16/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I filed my taxes and I normally claim my parents as dependants. My taxes got rejected because my parents filed their taxes without informing me, and they don't have income. They believe if they file taxes, they get $5000 back, per Trump. It ended up costing me over $3,500 extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 154

Not into it

By JD. - 08/10/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 616

You deserved it 4 093

Good question

By fuck you pikachu! - 18/07/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I found out the rumors are true: my girlfriend is in fact cheating on me. I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact that she got busted for sex in a public park, or the fact that they’ve met up there several times to play Pokémon Go. Is that even a thing anymore?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 230

By Spudzy - 11/04/2012 16:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 450

You deserved it 45 026

Bursting out

By Myth Confirmed - 26/10/2023 10:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, I overheard my brother telling my son and his male cousins, who all think he's a cool uncle, that, "Only women can sneeze and fart at the same time." I decided to intervene, and gave him a scolding of a lifetime in front of them. Let's just say, I had to sneeze while in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 460

That's kind of abusive

By Tea gurl - 23/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend “accidentally” spilled a cup of hot tea on my lap at the dinner table. I had to get treated for second degree burns, because the skin on my lap was heavily saturated with the stuff. Apparently, he’s still mad at me for buying a male coworker a present for his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 104

By llmd - 10/08/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 670

You deserved it 4 004

The only way to have a decent conversation

By Anonymous - 18/07/2022 22:00

Today, I realised I'm one of those people who can talk without caring if anyone is listening. I was telling my husband about something, and noticed he was asleep. I checked our living room camera. He was asleep when I got home and I just started talking, for 20 minutes, without realising he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 1 303

Woof!

By XxDanno316xX - 08/08/2010 14:52 - United States

Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8-hour shift with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 836

You deserved it 3 422

Take a hike

By bummed - 14/04/2014 01:57

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 857

You deserved it 12 400

By :( - 19/03/2013 20:12 - United States - Hilton Head Island

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 925

You deserved it 4 044

By Amandajean32 - 05/08/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 858

You deserved it 2 635

By liz1234 - 23/03/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 261

You deserved it 8 148

By benoit - 15/03/2013 12:35 - France

Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 108

You deserved it 33 769

Arrangements

By hcflorence1 - 04/06/2011 17:37 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 771

You deserved it 5 270

Encourage your kids, damn asshats!

By The bassist - 17/05/2021 04:01

Today, months after buying my first bass guitar and taking bass lessons using my own money, I realized that my parents refused to buy me an instrument, claiming that I sucked at it. What actually happened is that they didn't feel like paying for some "teenage bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 171

By anon - 31/07/2010 17:04 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my cat trying to mate with my favorite sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 256

You deserved it 6 998

By Sunshine.0.ninja - 29/07/2010 18:28 - United States

Today, I was looking through my boyfriends phone, when I found a naked picture of myself. Too bad I haven't sent him any. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 952

You deserved it 14 846

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 11:01 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I realized it is my life goal to get kicked out of a fast-food restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 885

Inappropriate behavior

By start waxing - 23/07/2022 14:00

Today, for the third time, I had to tell my stepfather to stop using my razor. It seems when I told him last time that I use it on my armpits, that only encouraged the behaviour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 123

By trafficfail - 01/06/2011 16:43

Today, as I was driving to work, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see an old man behind me using binoculars to see in front of him since we were stuck in a huge traffic jam. He rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 798

You deserved it 2 833

Double standard

By hurikan68 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 126

You deserved it 2 785

By Cass - 29/03/2012 02:03 - Australia

Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 817

You deserved it 28 781

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The Top

Today, I've been so accustomed to kissing my girlfriend that when I gave my best bud a hug, I kissed him on the neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 420

You deserved it 7 476

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 449

You deserved it 7 628

Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 306

You deserved it 10 348

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 121

You deserved it 4 130

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Last week my coworker, who I sit next to 5 days a week, returned to work after bereavement maternity leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 197

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to log into my email at work. Frustrated, I reset my password. As soon as I finished, IT called to remind me that the reason I couldn’t log in was because I was typing my Netflix password the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 393