Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk....

By Oops - 4/7/2014 17:35 - United States

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Instadrama

Tidy your room

By WTF - 1/6/2013 04:03 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that the girl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below because my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML

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By ThatOneGirl646 - 12/1/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML

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By burnmyeyes - 19/4/2014 21:26 - United States - Richmond

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

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By SoVeryMonday - 30/11/2009 18:01 - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

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By mymomplucksbutthair - 25/6/2013 20:43 - United States

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2014 18:29

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2013 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

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By loserwithlice - 26/7/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she is ugly. FML

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By laundryduty - 15/6/2019 20:14

Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

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By StupidSecurityConsultant - 25/7/2019 18:00

Today, I was supposed to do a month's work presentation at the company I work for. They skipped over my presentation, because they needed time for the "weight loss" competition presentation. FML

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By Anatomy - 28/1/2017 22:00 - United States - Albany

Today, after being suspicious for some time, I learned that my husband really has been going to the library in his free time to study anatomy. Specifically female anatomy, with the librarian, in the back closet. FML

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By crybaby - 12/4/2013 05:58 - United States - Elmont

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going well until I noticed a picture of a dog hanging on the wall, which reminded me of the ending of Marley and Me. I started crying and had to be escorted out. FML

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By foreveralone - 17/2/2015 15:48 - United States - Sherman

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2009 10:10 - Netherlands

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2012 19:10 - United States - Findlay

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

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By NoPromotionForYou - 7/5/2020 14:00

The sweet smell of success

Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML

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By mick - 29/4/2018 19:00

Today, on my and my wife's very first camping holiday, someone cut a hole in the tent wall while we slept and stole everything, including my keys and the car. Finally getting home, it seems the thieves got our address from the car's sat-nav and burgled the house as well. FML

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By Twiggysucks68 - 7/1/2013 01:49 - United States - Antioch

Today, my fiancé decided he wants a baby only because our dog is good, quiet, and falls asleep as soon as he starts to cradle her. He thinks a baby will be just like that. FML

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By lolwut - 15/1/2012 18:17 - United States

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

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By sos - 17/1/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

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By bitchasshonky - 11/8/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his room mate. It's been 45 minutes and its still going. FML

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By kezbabes - 3/5/2014 18:15 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was driving my grandpa to the store because his car is in the shop. I was well within the speed limit, but he kept yelling at me for "speeding", then accused me of trying to give him a heart attack, and eventually pulled the e-brake, getting us rear-ended. He refuses to apologise. FML

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By helluvasinger - 12/11/2009 11:00 - South Africa

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2019 16:00

First Dates

Today, I went on two dates from a dating app. The first one said halfway through that we couldn't date because it would break his contract. The second one catfished me. This is why I have multiple dates in one day. They never end well. FML

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By oops - 5/4/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

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By thjeltz - 27/10/2010 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

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By blowinchunks - 24/11/2009 06:00 - Canada

Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2010 23:52 - United States

Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

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By i guess - 3/5/2014 00:03 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

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By couch_potato - 28/3/2013 07:53

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

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By embarrassedinretail - 20/1/2010 10:01 - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

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By joybirdnot_13 - 8/7/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 mins. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML

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By loving wife - 21/4/2013 10:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

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By Yoshi - 31/1/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

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By anonymous - 17/1/2010 16:22 - Austria

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend, who I've dated for 6 years, is getting engaged to my friend. The very same "friend" who's been encouraging me to break up with her for the past year. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2014 05:03 - United States

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

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By ByeByeBirdie - 29/6/2016 22:41 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

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By Teylot - 28/6/2009 21:30 - Canada

Today, I was sitting at my desk eating cereal with my cat sleeping on my lap. I got a really funny text and I started laughing hysterically, and spilled my cereal all over my cat. I'll let you know how my legs, arms, neck and face heal up. FML

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By Ifuckdup - 25/5/2017 00:00

Today, I asked my classmate if she was ready for the final tomorrow and she said it was yesterday. I'm not a bad student - I have 90+ average in the class - but the final was 50% of my grade. FML

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Top comments

By mattmsk005 | 8

#5997844 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:10

Whose the loser now.

By RoseBlack123 | 37

#5997845 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

Even if he was your uncle, why would you slap him and call him a loser...?

Comments

By mattmsk005 | 8

#5997844 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:10

Whose the loser now.

cakefete2 | 30

#5997865 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:16

I hope OP is better at fighting than they are at thinking.

citygirl28 | 11

#5997874 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:22

Can't help myself, sorry... *Who's

CallMeWindSock | 24

#5997904 - Saturday 5 July 2014 0:04

I was hoping someone had corrected him.

Wyaru | 9

#5997915 - Saturday 5 July 2014 0:17

*Who's.

teotsi | 28

#5997928 - Saturday 5 July 2014 0:30

Too late #30.

JBChristian | 46

#5998043 - Saturday 5 July 2014 3:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

cakefete2 | 30

#5998059 - Saturday 5 July 2014 3:35

"Looser"? You need to tighten up your word choice.

1tsmenoah | 20

#5999109 - Sunday 6 July 2014 0:40

#1 haven't you heard of Mr. Horton and his commonly confused word song?

pooldude | 24

#5999548 - Sunday 6 July 2014 9:52

Whats more disturbing is that she greets her uncle by calling him a loser. Salutations have clearly gone downhill nowadays!

jake_braves | 25

#5999664 - Sunday 6 July 2014 16:25

64, it's a joke. I doubt he/she really thinks the uncle is a loser. Really? Don't be so critical.

TcheQ | 12

#6000359 - Monday 7 July 2014 5:03

Your education, apparently.

By RoseBlack123 | 37

#5997845 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

Even if he was your uncle, why would you slap him and call him a loser...?

meganlovestea | 15

#5997867 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:17

He probably did it jokingly

badluckalex | 23

#5997873 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:22

op still deserves it for making assumptions

pinkster2014 | 25

#5997883 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:27

It is possible for his uncle to be younger than him...

Sandman366 | 6

#5999114 - Sunday 6 July 2014 0:44

Losing pounds. Is the gym after all. ;P

By Aspen_Grace33 | 27

#5997846 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

And how did that work out for you?!

You should definitely double check to make sure you know the person before assaulting them!!

cakefete2 | 30

#5997861 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:14

OP tried to run, but sadly, was reminded how bad his cardio was.

By jklolz94 | 10

#5997847 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

that sucks :/

By moni103 | 15

#5997848 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

why dont people check who it is first to make sure its the right person?

By ScottVining | 21

#5997849 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

How to play that one off...

OysterPearls | 33

#5997893 - Friday 4 July 2014 23:52

Loser... of weight?

cailey1234567890 | 24

#5997908 - Saturday 5 July 2014 0:08

How about
"Oh shit, i thought you were my uncle.
Im sorry"

91hayek | 31

#5998090 - Saturday 5 July 2014 4:24

Maybe it's just me but after being slapped really hard, that apology would just make me angrier. Sounds flippant. If anything I'd slap him back and say "Did you think that was uncle'd for? I sure did."