Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 122

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 611

04/07/2014 17:35

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 937

You deserved it 43 466

BO Central

Mama's boy

Commando

10/12/2012 11:41

Today, I overheard my parents fighting about who has been the most loyal. I found out my Dad has cheated twice, and is still the most faithful of the two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 351

You deserved it 1 998

26/10/2009 16:04

Spicy

Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 440

You deserved it 2 723

Mismatched

By AlexSnower - 12/04/2020 02:00

Today, I'm trying to get over my OCD by wearing 2 different shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 385

Covert failure

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 20:01

Today, I failed school and ghosted all my teachers. Nobody knows, but I'm planning on telling my parents in a week. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 1 077

Losing my bearings

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 08:00

Today, I walked into a wall. I've lived in this house for nearly thirteen years, but I walked straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 220

Thanks

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 13:02

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 1 673

Invisible Woman

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:01

Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 356

23/07/2014 04:09

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 984

You deserved it 7 336

30/08/2016 23:29

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 209

You deserved it 1 171

02/02/2017 23:00

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 144

You deserved it 2 047

04/06/2012 07:19

Today, my 24-year-old brother tried to convince me that Hogwarts is real, because there is no way a person could have written that based on imagination. My parents agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 136

You deserved it 4 491

22/04/2012 03:15

Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 940

You deserved it 70 499

Chemical warfare

By Danielle Heichelbech - 08/11/2020 08:02

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 140

30/03/2014 10:04

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 669

You deserved it 6 883

11/01/2010 03:37

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 496

You deserved it 4 518

Is Leatherface next?

By ThosePoorKids - 30/05/2018 01:30

Today, I heard my brother and sister-in-law discussing whether they should name my soon-to-be-born niece Annabelle or Samara. My nephews are named Jason, Freddy and Chucky. See the pattern? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 505

You deserved it 403

My eyes! My eyes!

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 05:47

Spicy

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 158

You deserved it 6 402

09/03/2017 22:00

Today, my boss told me to check out the situation in the restroom. Someone had crapped themselves, rolled their underwear into a ball, and had the audacity to write that they were sorry in sharpie on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 604

You deserved it 292

29/10/2017 13:00

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 281

20/08/2010 22:36

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 919

You deserved it 4 458

06/03/2009 19:51

Spicy

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 013

You deserved it 8 848

14/01/2009 08:49

Spicy

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 998

You deserved it 53 561

04/01/2014 23:43

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 755

You deserved it 17 589

13/03/2010 01:23

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 455

You deserved it 4 336

10/10/2014 19:33

Spicy

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 948

You deserved it 7 432

21/05/2009 20:49

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 407

You deserved it 6 841

28/07/2012 20:38

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 986

You deserved it 3 379

27/11/2012 13:16

Today, my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 197

You deserved it 2 326

Hot stuff

By Liam. - 01/02/2010 05:15

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 621

You deserved it 51 864

23/01/2009 19:50

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 320

You deserved it 47 005

05/02/2015 01:21

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 353

You deserved it 3 241

Cabin fever

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 20:00

Today, my (now ex) boyfriend came home from work at 8 p.m., monologued about how he doesn't love me anymore for two hours, and walked out on me. In the middle of quarantine. Out of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 143

30/05/2012 09:37

Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 084

You deserved it 10 010

07/06/2016 05:11

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 995

You deserved it 2 328

26/05/2011 04:15

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 967

You deserved it 6 615

11/08/2014 02:22

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 030

You deserved it 3 706

29/04/2011 16:09

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 247

You deserved it 3 005

23/05/2016 09:15

Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 124

You deserved it 1 362

20/05/2016 12:12

Today, my phone charger caught fire. I was thankful to be there to witness it. I was not thankful for having been holding it while this happened, as my shirt caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 684

You deserved it 1 104

07/05/2011 05:58

Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 958

You deserved it 8 962

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Top comments

mattmsk005 8

Friday 4 July 2014 23:10

Whose the loser now.

RoseBlack123 37

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

Even if he was your uncle, why would you slap him and call him a loser...?

Comments

mattmsk005 8

Friday 4 July 2014 23:10

Whose the loser now.

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:16

I hope OP is better at fighting than they are at thinking.

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:22

Can't help myself, sorry... *Who's

CallMeWindSock 24

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Saturday 5 July 2014 0:04

I was hoping someone had corrected him.

Wyaru 9

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Saturday 5 July 2014 0:17

*Who's.

teotsi 28

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Saturday 5 July 2014 0:30

Too late #30.

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Saturday 5 July 2014 3:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Saturday 5 July 2014 3:35

"Looser"? You need to tighten up your word choice.

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Sunday 6 July 2014 0:40

#1 haven't you heard of Mr. Horton and his commonly confused word song?

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Sunday 6 July 2014 9:52

Whats more disturbing is that she greets her uncle by calling him a loser. Salutations have clearly gone downhill nowadays!

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Sunday 6 July 2014 16:25

64, it's a joke. I doubt he/she really thinks the uncle is a loser. Really? Don't be so critical.

TcheQ 12

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Monday 7 July 2014 5:03

Your education, apparently.

RoseBlack123 37

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

Even if he was your uncle, why would you slap him and call him a loser...?

meganlovestea 15

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:17

He probably did it jokingly

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:22

op still deserves it for making assumptions

pinkster2014 25

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:27

It is possible for his uncle to be younger than him...

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Sunday 6 July 2014 0:44

Losing pounds. Is the gym after all. ;P

Aspen_Grace33 27

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

And how did that work out for you?! You should definitely double check to make sure you know the person before assaulting them!!

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:14

OP tried to run, but sadly, was reminded how bad his cardio was.

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

that sucks :/

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

why dont people check who it is first to make sure its the right person?

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

How to play that one off...

OysterPearls 33

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:52

Loser... of weight?

cailey1234567890 24

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Saturday 5 July 2014 0:08

How about "Oh shit, i thought you were my uncle. Im sorry"

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Saturday 5 July 2014 4:24

Maybe it's just me but after being slapped really hard, that apology would just make me angrier. Sounds flippant. If anything I'd slap him back and say "Did you think that was uncle'd for? I sure did."

cailey1234567890 24

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:11

I hugged a friend of mine from behind once. Wasn't my friend. Talk about awkward

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:38

Hey it's nice to get hugs from a random person sometimes :)

PenguinBitch 43

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Saturday 5 July 2014 0:30

Until you notice your wallet is missing.

Bloink 25

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:13

Mistaking someone for someone else is the worst

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:14

YDI because, you shouldn't slap people

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Friday 4 July 2014 23:14

Shit happens.