By PhilDavisDied? - France

He bangs the drums

Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11102

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34950

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Love

Sorry…

And today, on Dr Phil…

Pokémon Gone

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11212

You deserved it

93422

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By Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III - United States - Jersey Shore

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35590

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5251

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By immaturity all around - United States

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39704

You deserved it

6952

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12245

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38531

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By flyakite - United States

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46027

You deserved it

6579

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By meandme - Canada - Fort Vermilion

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42605

You deserved it

4423

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Growing old gracefully

Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5645

You deserved it

621

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By Anonymous - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20145

You deserved it

55467

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By Speechless - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, during an exam, the guy next to me tried to cheat by looking at my test but was caught by the proctor. His defense was that no one would ever cheat off me. The proctor agreed and allowed him to finish the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38447

You deserved it

6276

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53804

You deserved it

5380

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By nurse - Reserved

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37397

You deserved it

5253

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By Tired

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for doing what she wanted me to do. I guess she didn't think I would do it and did it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13227

You deserved it

1048

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By Anonymous - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47416

You deserved it

6828

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By goodbye cruel world - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9016

You deserved it

34551

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By Keira

Today, the modeling program I'm required to use for school started inexplicably crashing. Reinstalling doesn't even fix it. The company that owns the software doesn't provide students with tech support, and my teacher just told me I won't pass if I can't fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2008

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By n77 - Switzerland

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38103

You deserved it

3560

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By Doglover - United Kingdom

Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25930

You deserved it

2869

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By Anonymous - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30721

You deserved it

2410

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By HighasaCloud - United States - Elkhart

Shutdown

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34852

You deserved it

2525

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By Anonymous - United States

Too late

Today, I was at my friend's house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldn't see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42143

You deserved it

7489

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By yarenis - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43097

You deserved it

5855

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By Anonymous - Finland

Today, I found out that my mom had read my diary because she was worried. She now knows details about my depression, details about my sex life, such as how I lost my virginity, to whom (I don't have a boyfriend), and what condition I was in at the time (drunk as a duck). She also showed my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40170

You deserved it

21973

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By Anonymous - United States - Augusta

Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely. My birthday is coming up soon, so I thought maybe they were planning a surprise party. Nope. Turns out they've just been secretly hanging out without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22379

You deserved it

1758

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By Anonymous - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29216

You deserved it

2569

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By Perry85

Cloud Cuckooland

Today, my girlfriend's husband heard us having sex, but he's so naive, he believed her when she said we were just watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

369

You deserved it

2955

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By Ouch

Today, I learned that bees like to get out of the hot sun, too. And that they do this by crawling into people's bed sheets. I also learned that these bees don't like it when you go to lay down in your own bed. They don't like it at all. Now it hurts to put weight on my right butt cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1670

You deserved it

315

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By msassy - United States - Lexington

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31386

You deserved it

6803

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By sstahpp - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, while I was taking a long relaxing shower, the shower head decided to fly off and hit me in the face. The dentist couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22462

You deserved it

5014

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By K_M - Malaysia

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10227

You deserved it

75609

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By Anonyme

Today, my parents, who aren’t usually lenient, allowed me to have my boyfriend over. We started to cuddle, things got a little heated, but then my sister walks in and says, “You do my math homework, or I tell mom what you guys were doing.” I don’t remember middle school math being this hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15349

You deserved it

4136

Favorite

By Massasam - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10736

You deserved it

41829

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By kb - United States

Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36619

You deserved it

4020

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By Eres - United States

Today, my mom took away my medication. She's afraid I'll get "hooked". The medication is anti-anxiety pills. I have horrible anxiety attacks that sometimes cause me to scratch my arms until they bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41093

You deserved it

4488

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By Anonymous - United States - Absecon

Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43004

You deserved it

4804

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By notasgood - United States

All in the family

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39378

You deserved it

3317

Favorite

By NowABlonde - United States

Today, I decided to lighten my hair. I applied the dye and waited 20 minutes. When I went to wash the dye out, the water wouldn't turn on. After my head started to burn, I called the landlord in a panic. Turns out there was a water main break and the entire city block doesn't have water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81485

You deserved it

5948

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By ohgod... - Canada - Magog

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43998

You deserved it

3400

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By Wowseriously - United States

Dumpster Fire Boyfriend

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how hard it is to wash long hair. While I was talking, he interrupted and said, "Wait, you actually wash your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1383

You deserved it

157

Favorite

By green2black - United States

Today, I finally found the girl of my dreams, she's smart, loyal, energetic and adorable. There's one problem. She's a Golden Retreiver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26891

You deserved it

14541

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By peace_lost - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

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42685

You deserved it

16121

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Top comments

By SpaceMannn | 0

#1476773 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:07

hey at least it wasn't your favorite love song and you were dramtically holding a microphone.

By perdix | 29

#1476780 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:08

Good thing your favorite instrument isn't the ShakeWeight™.

COMMENTS

By alaskan420 | 0

#1476734 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:04

first comment.

ButterflyLadyBug | 14

#1476751 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:05

congratulations

ButterflyLadyBug | 14

#1476754 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:05

congratulations

By Honesty4U | 0

#1476740 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:04

Not an FML. We're all guilty of air band-ing to our favorite songs! So what if you got caught?

By 10_4Franky | 0

#1476744 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:05

You make sure you're Alone before you rock out no FML, just embarrassing.

By divastar139 | 0

#1476746 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:05

2nd comment. its not an fml really. Its just funny.

By NavyAvi | 0

#1476759 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:06

I don't think this is an FML, in fact I find that awesome lol

By AlexisSilver | 10

#1476769 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:07

that's not an fml... it's not that bad! I would wave and smile and keep doing it.

By ButterflyLadyBug | 14

#1476771 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:07

now how is this an fml?? because we all do this. u must not like being laughed at.

By SpaceMannn | 0

#1476773 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:07

hey at least it wasn't your favorite love song and you were dramtically holding a microphone.

cantfightfate | 0

#1476835 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:16

that may be embarressing but probably not an fml. Points for making her parents laugh. they probably like you now.

Tasanasanta | 0

#1476874 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:20

If it were his favorite love song then he would also be crying.

Pastor_Rich | 0

#1476879 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:22

they were bouncing? are they a family of balls

myschyveus | 0

#1476966 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:43

That's not a bad thing at all. it's actually a nice ice breaker if you use it right.

deewekoms | 0

#1477062 - Thursday 30 September 2010 17:06

how is this an fml? get over it.

By perdix | 29

#1476780 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:08

Good thing your favorite instrument isn't the ShakeWeight™.

cantfightfate | 0

#1476810 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:12

hahahahaha!!!

Schizomaniac | 24

#1476828 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:14

Lawlz @ perdix

By 123zc1 | 3

#1476784 - Thursday 30 September 2010 16:08

it's okay OP, I do it too.