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By flatchested Sam - 01/12/2013 00:16 - United States - Radcliff

Today, my mom said I should start wearing push up bras to make myself look better. I was wearing one when she said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 842

You deserved it 3 956

Butterfingers

By caqi33 - 08/03/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 237

You deserved it 9 014

Tasty!

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 156

You deserved it 3 697

Surprise!

By theboy6494 - 10/08/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I came home early from business trip to Paris, where I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of two years out and propose to her. I sneaked into our house as a surprise and… she was having sex with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 525

You deserved it 4 195

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 07/10/2025 00:00

Today, my daughter has spent the last few hours moaning that the boy she’s known since they were 4 years-old got a girlfriend instead of asking her out. She’s known him for almost 20 years. If she liked him all that time, she should have asked him out herself instead of moaning at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 08:23 - United States - Portland

Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 197

You deserved it 4 503

By tinygirl - 07/03/2011 06:16

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 311

You deserved it 11 212

By dumbbass - 24/02/2010 19:43 - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 746

You deserved it 9 330

By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - 27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 866

You deserved it 3 095

By poked - 06/03/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 921

You deserved it 4 147

By susan - 24/02/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 455

You deserved it 3 301

By Yoshi - 31/01/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 236

You deserved it 6 497

Reminder

By Cromwel620 - 23/02/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 306

You deserved it 3 263

Objectification

By Jo… - 07/04/2024 20:00 - South Africa - Paarl

Today, I love my boyfriend very much don’t get me wrong, but we’re both still young and I don't want sex yet. I thought we were on the same page, I think we still are, but last night he attempted to make me horny. He said some dirty things and I'm not into that. I have big boobs, so guys hit on me a lot, but I thought he was different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 567

Where d'you come from?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Austin

Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 143

Blanked it

By Saad Ahmed - 26/11/2022 02:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I found out that yesterday's exam, which I left almost blank, had been leaked 3 hours prior. I hadn't been able to see it because my phone was out of juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 908

Bride of Chucky

By spooked - 22/11/2013 06:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 904

You deserved it 3 812

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 155

You deserved it 49 466

Taking liberties

By Bernie - 07/09/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, my live-in mother-in-law gave away the family dog because it’s "one less mouth to feed." Last week, she "accidentally" threw away the mail, thinking it was junk mail. No matter how hard I try to convince my wife to kick her out, she tells me, "But that’s my mother, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 164

By juice723 - 20/11/2013 11:09 - United States - Marblehead

Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 438

You deserved it 3 201

By hayah - 21/02/2010 06:08 - France

Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 378

You deserved it 23 450

Goodbye

By Noname - 28/01/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 214

You deserved it 6 343

By max - 03/01/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I went jogging with my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure my moobs bounced more than her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 096

You deserved it 30 417

Not cool, not at all

By dammed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 605

You deserved it 2 197

By LizGo - 17/11/2013 06:00 - United States - Greenville

Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 447

You deserved it 14 706

By haphazard2007 - 02/01/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I got a gift from my wife in the form of divorce papers. She waited till after New Year's so it wouldn't show up on her taxes for 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 023

You deserved it 2 855

By Anonymous - 26/02/2011 20:19 - United States

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 536

You deserved it 5 183

By lexiiiiiiweee - 19/02/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 681

You deserved it 3 839

Get Back

By DiskJockey - 05/08/2009 01:37 - United States

Today, I learned a valuable lesson, never leave your "Let It Be" album, which you paid $489 for on eBay out on your desk. My brother also learned something, old records make for very breakable, one use frisbees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 087

You deserved it 11 932

Deal breaker

By Horny pig - 26/10/2025 20:00

Today, my fiancée told me that she thinks she's asexual. Guess I know why we haven't had sex in months. When I said this was a deal breaker, she said, "If you'd stop being a horny pig for five seconds, it wouldn't be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 81

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The Top

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 822

You deserved it 3 976

Today, my boyfriend said that no, I'm not allowed to get glasses and then accused me of wanting to see other men. No, I just want to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 204

Today, for the sixteenth day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 132

You deserved it 1 295

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 166

You deserved it 5 001

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriend's father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 751

You deserved it 47 146

Today, I needed emergency work on my house, so I’ve been taking wine, beer, and chocolates to my neighbours as an apology for the noise and dust. Later, one of the husbands came round and punched me for showing him up, because he hasn’t given his wife chocolates in years, so she’s mad at him and he blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 122