Miscellaneous: Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting...

By loner - 31/05/2011 05:50 - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 953

You deserved it 5 657

Miscellaneous

How? Why? What?

Hope there's no dancing involved

Classic

By ptiluinthesky - 24/11/2008 02:56 - France

Today, my neighbor turned down his loud music that he's been playing for months, only to turn on a porn movie at maximum volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 866

You deserved it 3 002

By Landlocked - 06/05/2019 02:00

Today, my dad thought it would be a good idea to show my 5-year-old son a documentary about Hurricane Katrina. My son is now terrified of hurricanes. We live in Utah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 189

Thanks, I hate it

By FFS - 28/05/2015 17:41 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 202

You deserved it 2 905

By sideeffect001 - 02/02/2016 18:48 - United States - Logan

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 446

You deserved it 4 264

By Forever Alone - 14/06/2016 09:26

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I'd quite like to have kids someday. She responded: "Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don't they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 462

You deserved it 1 364

By kiddo - 28/01/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 002

You deserved it 2 081

The spirit of John Lennon

By Becks - 07/09/2020 23:01

Today, I found a bug in my bra. Not a huge deal, so I flicked him out. Turns out he was a black blister beetle. I woke to at 3 a.m. to insane pain, as well as the water blisters all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 91

By zoe777 - 09/11/2013 02:54 - United States

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 755

You deserved it 4 337

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 01:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I can remember dozens of serial killers, their victims, the way they killed, the length of their prison sentences, and anything else about them, but nothing related to my upcoming science test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 797

You deserved it 1 944

By Jessie - 05/07/2011 16:34 - United States

Today, I got stuck listening to my coworker bang on about how sexy her fiancé is for almost an hour. She told me about their sex life, described his dick in great detail, and showed me pictures of him shirtless. My coworker is 49; her fiancé is 56 and overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 604

You deserved it 4 624

By dammit - 01/02/2012 08:22 - United States

Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 265

You deserved it 2 398

By voyagevoyage - 09/04/2014 22:38 - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 603

You deserved it 22 645

Cheat day

By Hungry - 03/09/2019 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I conveniently "forgot" to write down a bunch of stuff, including a huge kebab, in my Weight Watchers food journal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 2 057

By jordansquared - 21/12/2018 16:00

Today, I received a Christmas card from my husband’s parents and found for the 7th straight year I wasn’t included on the card. Instead they included a picture of my husband’s ex-girlfriend holding my baby. I’ve already received messages asking if he’s back together with her. No. No he’s not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 035

You deserved it 176

By Eyesore - 16/04/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 149

You deserved it 86 476

By Jeff - 25/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 370

You deserved it 7 039

Or he's just becoming an old goober

By Anonymous - 15/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend, who went to college, is unable to write a two-line email without saying the text out loud at least five times in a row. He also keeps repeating newspaper lines and simple things I say, in a whisper, in order to understand them. I'm afraid he might be developing dementia. At 40 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 270

By "The Cat Tickler" - 11/05/2019 16:00

Today, I took a flight from Seattle to Oregon but missed my flight back home to California because the flight attendant came in late and delayed our flight take off time. Then I was told the only way to get California was to go back to Seattle and fly to California from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 114

Sorry Mr Nibbles

By JustMyLuck - 06/09/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. Out of natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 951

You deserved it 52 094

By thanksforallyoursupportmomanddad - 10/11/2015 20:46 - United States - Arlington

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 999

You deserved it 1 635

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 06:56 - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 337

You deserved it 8 061

Money for whining

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 23:59 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I realized I get paid to hear my boss complain and talk crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 104

By fleatitting fame - 04/07/2014 21:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 865

You deserved it 3 776

By unknown - 15/06/2011 10:20 - United States

Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 360

You deserved it 8 768

By disturbedgd - 14/09/2016 11:29 - South Africa

Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 935

You deserved it 1 876

By Anonymous - 03/06/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 270

You deserved it 3 521

By Anonymous - 03/03/2013 05:15 - United States - Hayward

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 530

You deserved it 3 149

By shelby124 - 15/08/2012 16:31 - United States - York

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 911

You deserved it 39 589

By jjjjjohn cena - 13/08/2015 01:44 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 669

You deserved it 2 157

By MineAlwaysTouching - 27/04/2017 18:00

Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 1 764

By Anonymous - 08/12/2012 09:28 - Australia - Weston

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 893

You deserved it 4 125

It's the new craze!

By Peggy Peggerson - 09/10/2020 02:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I’d feel comfortable pegging him. I had no idea what that meant, so I had to look it up. I tried to keep an open mind but it was just too far outside my comfort zone. Now he’s sulking and complaining about me being a prude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 382

By Anonyme - 16/05/2014 07:55 - Canada - Saint-jean-de-matha

Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 845

You deserved it 9 787

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 06:34 - Netherlands

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 016

You deserved it 5 970

By wetandpantsless - 04/10/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 480

You deserved it 6 085

Thousand-yard stare

By timiscuous - 20/04/2020 20:00 - New Zealand

Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 258

Bad omen

By KarmasPlaything - 14/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Shallotte

Today, I’m on vacation with my fiancé and his kids. We came to see a wedding venue. Too bad I severely sprained my ankle. I also sprained that same ankle when he proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 77

By UTRejected - 21/11/2014 13:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 601

You deserved it 3 835

By Anonymous - 22/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 540

You deserved it 2 987

By danikka1 - 11/03/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I told my husband that after fifteen years of marriage, I wanted a divorce. His first question was whether or not he could still go on the family cruise my parents are paying for in May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 024

You deserved it 10 467

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Top comments

iLazy 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 11:47

A friend in need is a friend indeed. They need your help, and so do you.

im_awsome 2

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 11:55

your goal should be graduating with honors. friends come along with that.

deathtrap 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 11:43

firsties

iLazy 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 11:47

A friend in need is a friend indeed. They need your help, and so do you.

tencalories 3

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 17:11

a friend with weed is a friend indeed sorry i had to do it

oboewhore_xD 6

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 0:01

A friend who peed is a friend with mead? :|

lilmisslovely13 15

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 1:14

61 fail. OP - don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll make friends eventually. This will make it forced - not a real friendship.

Livinia 11

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 11:48

Good luck with that, OP :)

primadonna9396 16

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Thursday 2 June 2011 4:21

I don't think this is FYL or YDI. The Op is unhappy with her social situation as is making a perfectly logical and reasonable attempt to remedy the situation, while helping some people out in the process. Let the commentators eat you alive for it, they're just basement dwelling idiots who feel guilt over their own lack of motivation.

PSQ91 6

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 11:51

That's your goal at university? Making friends is not that hard, come on.

rattusrattus 18

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 13:22

Is for me! I mean I'm very shy with few social skills and no confidence in the social skills I have. I have three friends, and I still cannot believe that I have them. I'm going to assume you're not the living embodiment of social ineptitude.

cradle6 13

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 18:18

No matter your social skills, a few months in university will net you friends. Just get involved. Go to parties, study groups, whatever. It will only be difficult in the beginning.

Rednomad 5

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 22:01

No. No. Colleges can be either good or brutal. It's not OP's fault that his social skills are too low that he had to sign up to make a friends when it's so obviously that he tried to make friends in classes, on dorm floor, and even in cafe. No, to have a friend(s), u almost had to be so popular in 1st grade and in high school, and already socially well and everyone likes u. It doesn't matter if ure nice person and nobody likes u, its pretty sucks. If u cant play basketball, then nobody wants to be ur friend. If you cant hold ur alcohol, then nobody wants to be ur friend. The list just goes on... and I can go on more. I know I will get this moderated but it's the fact. It's sad but true.

isac1234 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 23:44

Not everyone is like you that can be social and make friends easily.. Ignorant Boob!

MurphyS94 4

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 23:59

Making friends can be incredibly difficult. I am really shy and the friends that I do have have been introduced to my by other friends so I don't have to just awkwardly start talking to them. Other shy people understand, but the outgoing and confident people usually don't.

laxscorer106 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 7:05

seriously???, stop making excuses of being shy...

luvppl 6

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 11:54

but what if they say when they see you, "¡no hablo ingles!" and run?

shovels 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 20:40

or "我不会英文！" and run faster...

im_awsome 2

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 11:55

your goal should be graduating with honors. friends come along with that.

pnellab 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 22:07

nerd

JustinBieber6 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 3:20

honors.... doubt that possible with how u said come....

browntiga 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 6:57

omg lol

flotar 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 10:13

wow, you're not awesome... even Justin Bieber made fun of you.^^^ Op, even the weirdest people find other weirdos to be friends with... YDI

mrahhhhh 21

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 12:02

Face it, that newsletter was designed specifically to appeal only to lonely and/or altruistic people. So you will meet a bunch of people who are either nice or in need of friends, or both (on which case lucky you :D). This will work out very well for you in the long run.

instnt1nfction 17

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 13:50

or some dudes that will kick his ass

AustrianChaos 3

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:59

You know that The Casey lives in Australia as well, right? I heard he exterminated all bullies and douchebags over there, so OP will be safe and sound, I suppose.