Miscellaneous: Today, I've been waiting for a very important document in the...

By AmericanAlien - 09/03/2014 02:15 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I've been waiting for a very important document in the mail. It has been two months. I reviewed my application and realized I forgot to put a mailing address down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 885

You deserved it 20 039

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Leave us alone

Grind mindset

Cool

By daisythebunny1988 - 21/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 184

Eastenders

By Amrit - 03/04/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that a few years ago, when I lost my kids to my ex-wife, it was because my current wife secretly hated having to be their stepmom, so she conspired with my ex to ruin the custody hearing in my ex's favour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 152

By busted - 25/09/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 782

You deserved it 3 248

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 29/07/2016 20:33

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 800

You deserved it 1 655

All over the place

By unluckyinlove - 05/09/2021 00:31 - Australia - Ridgehaven

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me and now has a 4 year old, and as he’s told me, we should get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 69

He had to find out eventually!

By Telley21 - 16/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Rexburg

Today, I made my boyfriend a beautiful dinner of seafood and rice. This was the first time I could afford lobster, and thought it would be a great treat for us both. I learned that this was the first time he has eaten lobster, and he learned that he is allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 125

You deserved it 488

By notaprossie - 03/02/2010 08:42 - South Africa

Today, I went to a dress up party. The theme was pirates and prostitutes. At the door I was handed a voucher that said: 'Thank you for dressing up. Collect your free drink at the bar.' I didn't dress up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 529

You deserved it 39 085

By APoorGuy - 15/03/2016 12:08 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I found $20 on the ground. I'm so broke, this is the first time in 3 months that I've had any disposable income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 574

You deserved it 1 907

By Doublescrewed - 06/10/2015 00:23

Today, I showed up for my first shift in my new night job; I now work at an apartment complex in the day and a gas station at night. It turns out that our biggest problem tenant in the former happens to be my boss in the latter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 052

You deserved it 1 558

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 10:28 - United States

Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 956

You deserved it 30 991

By Anonymous - 12/08/2016 12:24 - United States - Huron

Today, I found out I and a coworker may get laid off soon, all because my boss's niece told him she can do both our jobs all by herself, and for less money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 552

You deserved it 1 057

By ultraattitude - 22/04/2012 07:01 - United States - Union City

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 926

You deserved it 12 567

By woxliuke - 05/05/2016 18:44 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride on bicycles. After a while, I couldn't see him ahead of me any more. I went back and forth for half an hour but could't find him, and started to think something happened. I went home to call him but saw his bike. Turns out my boyfriend is just an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 086

You deserved it 1 546

By Chasity - 07/02/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I logged onto a website that offered free tutoring. After chatting with the online tutor, he started flirting with me. I was just looking for some help with my homework, not a creeper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 660

You deserved it 6 193

By MBG - 05/06/2009 07:43 - Australia

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 428

You deserved it 4 297

Panic!

By dusty - 06/12/2018 15:30

Today, I picked my baby up from my babysitter's house. As I was getting him ready for bed, I saw blood and immediately went into a panic, rushing to the hospital and trying to contact her to see if my baby fell and she didn't tell me. Turns out it was just hot Cheeto dust mixed with drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 1 764

By whythebunny - 30/10/2015 18:56 - United States - Bastrop

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 655

You deserved it 2 334

By anthony - 25/11/2015 12:32 - Luxembourg

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 093

You deserved it 1 865

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 19:11 - United States - Ontario

Today, I found myself admiring my eyelids for being the only parts of my face not covered in acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 359

You deserved it 4 482

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 11:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 657

You deserved it 3 217

By Riicogonz - 13/08/2018 20:32

Today, while borrowing my girlfriend's dad's truck, I had to pay $120 to prevent it from being towed. I was parked right in front of my apartment unloading heavy furniture into my garage for not even 20 minutes while the apartment manager, who called the tow truck, watched us from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 556

You deserved it 173

By paradox - 07/02/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I realized my best friend has had it off in my apartment more times than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 294

You deserved it 5 341

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 07:31 - United States - Piedmont

Today, my girlfriend told me that she feels pregnant. I didn't believe her, given how recently we had sex for the first time, so I told her to take a test to make sure. She's very sure now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 782

You deserved it 51 196

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 344

You deserved it 1 829

Doing it on the company dime

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 17:00

Today, at work, I hooked up with a gorgeous customer in a storage shed. Somehow all my coworkers knew within five minutes, so there’s that, but my direct manager now won’t even look at me because apparently he fancied me himself, but didn’t realise I was a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 1 194

By Jacklyn - 18/03/2012 19:18 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 745

You deserved it 20 031

By barman - 17/07/2010 20:51 - Australia

Today, while working at the bar, I was having a flawless night. Every pour was perfect, every shot expertly measured. I saw my manager for the first time that night, turned to greet him, and knocked over a tray of 30 or so glasses. Two remained unbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 659

You deserved it 5 321

By RJB - 29/07/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I got so bored I made a "to do" list for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 963

You deserved it 12 534

By noway - 22/03/2015 04:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 810

You deserved it 3 435

By stewardess - 03/10/2014 01:55 - United States

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 12 384

Weirdly specific

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was told by this creeper in my grade who I don't talk to ever that I have the same bra size as Megan Fox. He was right. I have no idea how he knows my bra size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 311

By slingshot - 07/09/2010 05:53 - United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 668

You deserved it 27 561

By interphaseprophasemetaphase - 04/09/2013 11:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 459

You deserved it 11 883

Nope, not me

By mycar - 20/08/2013 17:40 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 795

You deserved it 6 258

By Elephant1718 - 12/06/2013 01:16 - United States - The Dalles

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 802

You deserved it 3 034

Not all heroes…

By pooped - 12/04/2020 23:00

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 155

By thisisstupid_17 - 16/11/2016 14:47

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 660

You deserved it 1 324

By klm878 - 13/11/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 957

You deserved it 37 688

By ohray - 11/12/2014 16:09 - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 430

You deserved it 3 100

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 04:44 - Canada

Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts "GO F YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 207

You deserved it 3 469

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Top comments

DSaturn 16

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:43

That's why you go all psycho ocd on important stuff and check it 100 times.

Mynamewontfi 40

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Sunday 9 March 2014 14:14

Checking 100 times is a bit excessive. 99 times should suffice.

yourlifesucksHA 14

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:42

Lol

SgtAssCheeks 21

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:12

You just couldn't hold it in, could you?

Soundslikeothers 15

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Sunday 9 March 2014 17:03

You get the coveted first comment spot and all you say is Lol!!! For Shame!!!

DSaturn 16

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:43

That's why you go all psycho ocd on important stuff and check it 100 times.

Mynamewontfi 40

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Sunday 9 March 2014 14:14

Checking 100 times is a bit excessive. 99 times should suffice.

EdenCrystal 21

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Sunday 9 March 2014 19:12

But 99 isn't a big round number!

blazingshot147 19

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Monday 10 March 2014 5:33

#33 may I suggest 88. It's round, symmetrical in all ways, and is divisible by all single digit even numbers.

imshadyxo 25

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Monday 10 March 2014 6:02

What about 6?

ThomasBombadil 31

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:43

Hate it when that happens. Mistakes are part of being human. Better luck next time OP.

appletreee 30

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:44

Serious FYL next time make sure to double check like crazy!

yourlifesucksHA 14

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:52

Lol he might after that!

HowieDoIt 21

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:46

That really sucks, but wouldn't the time for double checking be before you send in the important document?

HersheySquirts 17

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Sunday 9 March 2014 22:07

Yes it would be. However, OP did not. After two months of waiting, I'm sure OP won't make the same mistake.

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:47

So are you going postal?

Flowtastic 16

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:48

He's going all out UPS in this...

HowieDoIt 21

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:56

Woah this is a serious issue we need to address, let's stamp out these puns!

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 9 March 2014 14:07

Regardless of the weight of this issue, I feel like I should be able to Express myself!

Black_Knight80 13

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:52

Always check twice Better safe than sorry.

yeti37 16

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:54

Those details should have been addressed...

ekslu89 12

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Sunday 9 March 2014 13:58

If it's so important then why did you forget??

Nilorak 24

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Sunday 9 March 2014 14:47

I forgot to finish my candy one time , does that mean candy isn't important? ;)

ber4fun13 10

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Sunday 9 March 2014 14:01

Well you're already fitting in with the American way of life, a life full of derp moments.

SMHsohard 22

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:08

Ironic that you say this, since it's an FML about the consequences of not double checking things. OP is from Canada.

yerawizardlizzy 27

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Sunday 9 March 2014 16:32

I've seen Canadian publications use the term "American" when referring to Canadians. Not incorrect since they are on the North American continent too.

gracehi 31

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Sunday 9 March 2014 16:39

I don't know about you, but if I was Canadian, I'd be super pissed if someone called me American, knowing that I was Canadian. I'd be like, "Canada, bitch!" *slap*

gracehi 31

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Sunday 9 March 2014 16:43

Although, OP's name is American Alien, so I'm guessing that OP is an American in Canada, waiting on an important document that has something to with him residing in a country as a foreign national.

sadistmonkey 19

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Sunday 9 March 2014 19:01

Wouldn't you immediately apologize after the "Canada, bitch!"?

glabberfasted 16

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Sunday 9 March 2014 20:40

25 - So is Mexico, but you don't call Mexicans Americans.

gracehi 31

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Monday 10 March 2014 1:12

No. I'd be the rebel Canadian. Slappin' people, jay wakin', and putting recyclables in non-recyclable garbage. Yep, that'd be me. The bad ass rebel Canadian, livin' the bad ass rebel Canadian life.