Love: Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family... - FML

By jill - 25/02/2014 16:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 8 137

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Taking stock

Stop talking!

By sigh - 16/04/2012 03:10 - United States - Medford

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 208

You deserved it 3 575

By twitterfailsme - 04/11/2013 12:08 - Israel - Rishon Le Zion

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 946

You deserved it 3 526

By Alliente - 17/07/2012 21:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 013

You deserved it 3 802

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 21:37 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 096

You deserved it 5 004

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 10:45 - United States

Today, I fell into a hole. And by hole, I mean a sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 453

You deserved it 3 139

Fire…?

By Ashley - 14/10/2019 22:00

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 148

Sounds cosy

By haaaye - 22/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, my Twitter got hacked, and I can't get it back. Everyone now thinks I live in a trailer and have multiple STDs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 246

Dead to me

By Anonymous - 04/07/2020 23:03

Today, and for the last week, I've been dreaming only to wake up when my dream-self commits suicide. I'm generally a happy person, so I've no idea why my subconscious is killing me so often. This time, I stuck my face in an industrial-size blender. I can still feel my jaw rattling from the impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 137

By get a grip, son - 30/05/2014 20:37 - United States - Pooler

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 105

You deserved it 10 814

By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 12:51 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 333

You deserved it 18 343

By BEE - 10/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 224

You deserved it 47 400

By Dante - 07/01/2011 00:26

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 688

You deserved it 2 450

By fml - 04/01/2010 03:50 - Canada

Today, I walked to the end of my driveway to pick up the newspaper. I read the front page that was talking about people who have been getting hurt from slipping on ice. Laughing about that thought and walking up my driveway, I slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 817

You deserved it 34 759

By "bluebird97" - 28/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend called work because he is sick. Then he called me 4 times while I was working, to complain that I was working, and then he got mad when I told him I was sick and worked a double shift 2 days in a row, apparently that is insensitive of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 224

By loveeyou. - 08/02/2010 08:00 - France

Today, I realized the only reason I watched the SuperBowl is because Justin Bieber tweeted about it. I don't even like football. I had no idea what was going on the whole game. All I knew was who I was cheering for, because Justin Bieber tweeted who he was cheering for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 295

You deserved it 86 485

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 03:59 - United States - Breaux Bridge

Today, I had my performance review at work. Under the "oral communication" category my boss wrote that I "act like an asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 378

You deserved it 5 977

By shugberry - 01/09/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 115

Domestic bliss

By Emma - 08/12/2015 17:23 - United States

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 204

You deserved it 1 561

By notahero - 09/01/2015 04:40 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 262

You deserved it 2 608

By HBCruiser - 14/07/2019 02:30

Today, I’m sitting in my living room, smelling onions frying. My house is all closed up. I’m not cooking anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 155

By gedderdunn - 24/05/2010 06:13 - Reserved

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 073

You deserved it 7 741

By KayKay - 23/09/2016 06:33 - United States - Ware

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 323

You deserved it 1 343

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 02:29 - Italy

Today, I managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city, and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat. After I ordered my meal, I saw that I was the only diner that was sitting alone at a table. Then 'All By Myself' came on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 116

You deserved it 3 633

Born to run

By Nate - 21/12/2020 11:02

Today, I can’t divorce my lazy, unemployed, shopping-addicted, cheating wife because her father is one of the best, sleaziest, underhanded divorce lawyers in our city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 151

By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 422

You deserved it 6 791

By Anonymous - 22/11/2015 05:45 - United States - Ossining

Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 185

You deserved it 2 670

By AtLeastTheyreClean - 27/01/2017 19:28 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after hours of protesting and tantrums, I finally got my kids to clean their rooms. They're all really proud of themselves and enjoying all the extra space. I'm stuck with the three extra loads of laundry they found in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 919

You deserved it 2 092

By sagecamreyyy - 06/11/2018 15:30

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 599

You deserved it 245

By Zero_TAlent_ - 29/03/2016 20:27 - United States - Gettysburg

Today, the drummer from my band stole the $200 deposit for our rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were, "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 318

You deserved it 1 598

By WellPlayedMother - 24/08/2016 06:15

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 405

You deserved it 1 010

By emie0209 - 11/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that wont work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 376

You deserved it 6 503

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 22:39 - Dominican Republic

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 676

You deserved it 7 172

By Sarah - 24/07/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 275

You deserved it 3 622

By Evaki1 - 13/06/2011 14:24 - Greece

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 616

You deserved it 4 576

By Anon - 06/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 877

You deserved it 5 582

By Ellen - 21/11/2009 00:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 241

You deserved it 30 158

By Morgan - 22/06/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 620

You deserved it 29 665

By drivingmecrazy - 13/12/2016 16:54 - United States - Stamford

Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically". She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 203

You deserved it 690

On yer bike

By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 20:00

Today, I replaced the fog lights on my car and completely filled my gas tank. $50+ later, the transmission decided it wanted to go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 88

By c.m.g. - 27/04/2011 10:50

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 080

You deserved it 3 818

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Top comments

Crazc 15

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 1:58

bite his dick

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:02

Mentioning your sister probably got his gear box running.

Comments

Crazc 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 February 2014 1:58

bite his dick

speakersboom 19

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:13

But then she'd be talking with her mouth full, which is just ill-mannered.

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Crazc 15

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:49

#17 not necessarily, just bite the tip

James_is_Mexican 25

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 4:54

It could have been worse, he could have slowly put his dick in your mouth while you were talking...

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 5:56

That's probably a fetish for someone... *looks at reader*

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 7:00

WTF IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW?!

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 10:30

Wtf are you guys talking about biting dicks.

groovycrazyjoe 18

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 23:07

tell him to stop being a dick

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Thursday 27 February 2014 1:53

Why do I feel like I'm on tumblr?

Crazc 15

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Thursday 27 February 2014 4:43

dont be a dick about how bad my second comment was

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:00

Well did you assist him? Or did you slap him and tell him to be mature?

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:34

Or she could have slapped him and told him to be premature.

King_paradox 22

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 5:33

You deserve more + votes

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:01

i wouldn't put up with that personally

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:02

Mentioning your sister probably got his gear box running.

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:03

Wow, that's both immature and inconsiderate. Sorry you had to put up with that.

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:35

She could always dump the prick why put up with someone so insensitive and rude when there are tons of better guys out there

niallo 23

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:46

Actually, I think that was his polite way of saying "Shut Up".

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 6:14

I don't think you actually know what "polite" means.

speakersboom 19

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:04

Well that's an odd way to say you're bored...

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 5:29

Absolutely. He didn't cum over to hear about the drama.

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:04

That's rather awkward...

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 5:31

It would be really awkward if they were in the living room.

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:04

Your name is fitting, I guess. Jack and Jill always go together. He took it a bit too literally though.

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:05

What an ignorant asshat. Family comes first, not him.

speakersboom 19

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:06

I think he came first in this situation .-.

ThatFancyPenn 18

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 16:23

In more ways than one..

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:05

Always Keep your story interesting, if it is not interesting enough then throw some random shocking words like "and then my sister got naked" ...that will get some attention

Not_Impressed13 9

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Wednesday 26 February 2014 4:25

OP probably tried that.. hence the jacking off.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 83

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 87