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By no2057 - 09/12/2013 11:00 - Mexico - Montreuil

Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the median strip and continue the wrong way up the other side of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 101

By Creepedout - 25/06/2013 01:27 - United States - Clearwater

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 278

You deserved it 4 691

Piercing wit

By piercingfreak - 28/08/2011 10:41 - New Zealand

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 904

You deserved it 4 137

By shadyladyhh - 09/09/2014 21:00 - United States

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 499

You deserved it 3 303

shadyladyhh tells us more.

shadyladyhh 11

Wednesday 10 September 2014 0:55

Then the mom bought him another one 15 minutes later. Sugar free ones cost a little more, so she was mad about that too.

By Marjorie - 13/07/2012 17:08 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 253

You deserved it 3 447

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 142

You deserved it 36 259

By Ca ira merci - 30/07/2009 09:13 - Morocco

Today, while on holiday in Morocco, I got arrested by a cop. “Sir, you were driving at 90 instead of 70?” I was sure that I hadn’t offended, so I asked, “Where’s the speed camera?” He pointed at his eye and said, “It’s right here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 92

By Ashley - 12/07/2012 00:02 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I spent my entire paycheck on a new summer wardrobe. I then left my shopping bags on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 363

You deserved it 38 294

No future

By singlegirl - 27/11/2009 18:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's wedding. All my friends and their boyfriends were seated at one table, while I, as the only single girl in the group, was put on a table with all the other single people. They were all over forty years older than me. I feel like I have seen my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 655

You deserved it 3 124

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 23:01

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 151

Spiritual leader

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was excited because her uncle was coming for a visit. She started telling me stories about him, and the more she talked, the worse it got. I’m fairly certain uncle is a cult leader, and that my girlfriend was born into and brainwashed by a cult that got shut down by the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 115

Find my iPhone

By hockey - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I left my new iPhone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently, when I got out she looked at it, told the driver someone had left it, and gave it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 594

You deserved it 5 622

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 14:08 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 862

You deserved it 8 685

Smooth shower moves

By Anonymous - 29/06/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, my wife tried to join me in the shower to be sexy, only I was shampooing so when I turned round and felt someone in the shower with me, I panicked and we both fell and got stuck in the bottom of the bath. Our kids had to come and help, because my wife had a broken arm and we couldn’t move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 15/06/2013 04:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 650

You deserved it 4 279

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, I thought I might need some anger-management classes, after I punched a hole in a kitchen cabinet when my dog wouldn't stop yapping every time the rooster my neighbors just got made a noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 351

You deserved it 28 578

By whatthewhat? - 25/11/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I couldn't trust her after cheating on me with 3 guys. Our friends are sad about it so they're throwing her a pity party. Now I'm single and I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 965

You deserved it 3 547

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 03:00 - Belgium - Eupen

Today, I'm pregnant and feeling awful due to all-day-long morning sickness. My doctor suggested that I cancel all my social plans to be able to keep working. My doctor is also my husband, and the father of this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 262

By DumbAndYoung - 26/08/2014 04:17 - United States - Glenpool

Today, I had to go to a public restroom. I have anxiety problems and can't go unless I'm the only one in the room. Another girl came in right after me, and I was waiting for her to leave. She was also waiting. After a while, I left first and had to hold my pee for a few more hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 178

You deserved it 11 334

DumbAndYoung tells us more.

DumbAndYoung 30

Tuesday 26 August 2014 19:59

OP here, I can't believe this got posted! First of all, I was at school when this happened, I went during lunch. I left when lunch was about over and I had to go to class. I know I need to overcome my fears, I've been this way for a long time. I'm also very shy. I don't usually tell people about it because they just think it's pathetic or stupid. My anxiety influences actions I make on a daily basis, and it sucks. I appreciate the sympathy, and the tips! I'll definitely keep trying to overcome it.

By Anonymous - 17/08/2011 16:45 - United States

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take two hours to get there. They called two hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 704

You deserved it 3 285

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 11:47

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 147

By Kev - 20/08/2014 17:53 - United States - Flemington

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 086

You deserved it 43 880

By ollie179 - 15/08/2011 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 384

You deserved it 39 509

By hopeyoushityourintestinesout - 08/06/2013 00:16 - United States - Everett

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 237

You deserved it 4 885

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 05:44 - United States

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 225

You deserved it 52 434

Eye bleach

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water, only to see my 75 year-old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asked me if we had any coffee creamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 856

You deserved it 2 977

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 18:00

Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 235

Thanks a lot

By Not a maid - 14/07/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend was serving dinner, and decided to circle the table with my son's plate while making UFO noises. My son grabbed at the plate and spilled it, making a huge mess. They both decided that I should clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 181

By TooSunnyForSkin - 05/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Huntington

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 954

You deserved it 4 206

By mizzy - 19/11/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 391

You deserved it 8 792

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The Top

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135 061

You deserved it 80 724

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 76

Random

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 916

You deserved it 3 984

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 572

You deserved it 24 118

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 869

You deserved it 6 759

Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him, "If you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was, "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 438

You deserved it 22 807

Today, I got "Despacito" stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 356

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 463

You deserved it 397