Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend....

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Dicks aplenty!

Life is unfair…

By robert - United States

Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML

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25323

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

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58756

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By SuperJesus - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69255

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8031

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29482

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By HotelClerk - United States

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

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8089

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By secretpornstar - United Kingdom

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

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51422

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By stupid - Canada

Today, I asked my dad to pick me up from school, he said he couldn't. Why? he was busy playing world of warcraft for the night. I got to walk the 3 hours home while my 49 year old dad played computer games. FML

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48859

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By Kenton

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

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1497

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145

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By Silentshdw13 - United States - Arlington

Today, after moving back in with my parents, I found out they had held on to a chunk of mail still being sent during the time I had been changing my old address. Included was a summons to jury duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17652

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1404

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By Magilla - United States

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn't pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29999

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4391

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By JessMelodique

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

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8123

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719

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By Lil_bit - France

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

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7711

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44308

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By notexactly - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31912

You deserved it

3284

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By PissedAtLife - United States

Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31305

You deserved it

3221

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By Fatty - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of them pointed at a store and commented, "Bae Goals." My fat ass thought she said "bagels" and I actually got excited at the thought of eating a bagel, even after I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1424

You deserved it

427

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By atalose - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, my college professor said that anyone who misses the final next week automatically fails, "even if their grandmother died." My grandmother, the woman who raised me, died last night and her funeral is next week. Same day as the final. Across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8342

You deserved it

357

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Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer saying they were having trouble getting ahold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to the place and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7482

You deserved it

463

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By hungry - Canada - Halifax

Parenting gone feral

Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1309

You deserved it

264

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By yen

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

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2799

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1068

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By asdfjkl - United States

Today, my boss friend-requested me on Facebook. My profile picture is of me licking his employee of the month picture for a dare. FML

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11803

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52797

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By SimG - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

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71991

You deserved it

24102

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By Ford

Today, a child that was born due to my donation to a sperm bank in 1995 contacted me. My current wife, who I met in 2003, is convinced I cheated on her and is filing for a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5556

You deserved it

512

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By kat124ever - United States - Apo

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32614

You deserved it

5933

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By nerdygirl101 - United States

Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML

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31554

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4280

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By Now I'm Broke

Today, I took my $2,000 drone out and shot some beautiful footage of an old dam. I hid it behind a rock to explore the area further without carrying it, but when I came back it was gone. I was splitting the payments with my uncle. I work a minimum wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1623

You deserved it

7702

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By cheated - United States

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49224

You deserved it

3060

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By RandomLG94 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25908

You deserved it

1557

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55404

You deserved it

6691

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By funnymanjoe - United States

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37629

You deserved it

5726

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By - Moved Across the Country - United States

Today, I found out my ex is applying for a job at my current company. She may be my boss. FML

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32496

You deserved it

3794

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By Anonymous - United States - Natrona Heights

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13866

You deserved it

23630

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss asked me to talk to the HR manager to see if I was happy about my pay, which made me think I was going to get a raise. Turns out they paid me nearly twice as much as they should have for the last 2 years and I owe them over €5000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3082

You deserved it

191

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By Fsd - France

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14298

You deserved it

46956

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By DeannaMarie - United States

Today, I found out the gift card my friend gave me for Christmas actually has no money on it and was never purchased in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30219

You deserved it

2330

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By Ryuuchild666

Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML

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3420

You deserved it

201

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By betterthanhodor - United Kingdom - Woodbridge

Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53819

You deserved it

4251

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By Anonymous - United States - Cedar Park

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52472

You deserved it

4649

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By JustWashedTheseJeans

Today, I pissed my pants in fear for the first time. Was I at a spooky haunted house? Nope, I turned a corner and got startled by a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11098

You deserved it

1876

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By douchetard - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38468

You deserved it

134303

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By usmcpain - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44833

You deserved it

5030

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Top comments

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7805036 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 13:02

Only if she already pre-paid her rent & utilities for the next year....

By RichardPencil | 29

#7805030 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 12:35

I hope you mean LATE roommate! Too harsh?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7805030 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 12:35

I hope you mean LATE roommate! Too harsh?

jbuckets_404 | 38

#7805036 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 13:02

Only if she already pre-paid her rent & utilities for the next year....

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7805232 - Thursday 23 May 2019 3:48

Yay! You have now more things in common!!

By Nhayaa | 21

#7805251 - Thursday 23 May 2019 6:41

Well, "new" and "ex"... maybe they didn't know before you found out. Sometimes the world can be a really small place...