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Understandably so

By Sleepless in Fremantle - 27/02/2022 12:01 - Australia

Today, after having insomnia and also being constantly woken in the middle of the night by spam texts, I turned my notifications off and fell asleep, forgetting I had done so - until a few days later when I discovered my friends two day-old text telling me he has incurable cancer. I've apologized profusely, but he’s ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 209

By AngrySon - 29/09/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I cleaned out the fridge for my mother. I didn't throw out a single thing that was less than a month past its expiration. Instead of thanks, she complained about everything that I threw away being still good, including a tub of butter that had been expired for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 365

You deserved it 2 620

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 17:39 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 685

You deserved it 2 343

Windshield blues

By Damnit - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. Two weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they couldn't make it that day and turned up any way after I'd gone out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 287

You deserved it 233

By NoScrubs - 31/10/2014 05:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 477

You deserved it 3 511

How? Why?

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 02:02 - United States - Onancock

Today, after getting in bed after a long day, I decided I would relieve some tension. Just as I'm ready to pop, in walks my grandma. I explode. My grandma, without missing a beat, just says, "Get cleaned up and go to bed. It's after twelve o'clock, you have to work in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 372

Done for

By heathenhaha - 10/02/2017 13:21 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I became the center of attraction of my office floor after sending my resumé to my work Whatsapp group, asking them to share with their friends for job openings. My VP is owner of the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 6 102

MY WIFE!

By Fmlloser - 07/03/2022 00:01

Today, I came home from work to find my things outside my yard and the door locks changed. I called my wife to let me in and she told me to go live with, “That homewrecking whore who texted you last night” instead. She’s talking about my cousin, who informed me via text that my aunt’s in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487

You deserved it 112

Get Out

By Anonymous - 25/07/2013 06:04 - Australia - Mulgrave

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 179

You deserved it 8 149

By fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt - 17/08/2012 16:27 - United Kingdom - Sittingbourne

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 648

You deserved it 2 778

By nikko blue - 20/12/2009 07:52 - United States

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 472

You deserved it 34 396

That's nice

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 764

You deserved it 3 904

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend that I loved her and that I never wanted us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 436

You deserved it 2 987

By caliibbyy - 29/11/2010 05:03

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 109

You deserved it 7 255

By flurina - 18/12/2009 20:44 - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 469

You deserved it 3 671

By ugly? - 20/09/2011 08:08 - United States

Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 324

You deserved it 3 023

Snooze fest

By Karly - 03/02/2022 20:00

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while still giving me oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 259

Alexa, play "Poptones" by PIL

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 18:00

Today, for the first time in years, I heard a certain song on the radio. The song that was playing while I was sexually assaulted. It caused me to have such a bad PTSD episode that I threw up all over my boyfriend and his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 196

By FlorenceD - 12/08/2012 04:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 478

You deserved it 10 863

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 615

You deserved it 13 129

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 01:03 - United States - La Grande

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 792

You deserved it 3 429

By Darth Vomitus - 10/08/2012 18:54 - United States - Mequon

Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 548

You deserved it 5 865

By whoahshloann - 30/05/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 877

You deserved it 54 119

By ryansmithho - 24/11/2010 19:06 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 830

You deserved it 14 930

By mraow123 - 30/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 416

You deserved it 4 668

Drama

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum found out I had a girl in my room and faked a heart attack. I know it was fake because she did the same when I came out as lesbian, when I invited a girl to prom, when I asked dad for advice on sex. I get it mum, you’re a homophobe, so stop faking heart attacks, it’s bad for the NHS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 146

By Japaroni - 15/09/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 943

You deserved it 9 376

By ugh - 15/07/2013 11:46 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house, despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 828

You deserved it 9 154

By Fattymuch - 14/09/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 979

You deserved it 52 015

Just because you can don't mean you should

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 20:06 - Nigeria

Today, I got stuck in my washing machine. When my sister saw me, she just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 860

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The Top

Today, I had an all day volleyball tournament in a town an hour away. My dad left early, not realizing he was my ride home. I'm now stranded in the middle of a rural town with no way home anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 344

You deserved it 4 042

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 336

You deserved it 6 084

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 228

You deserved it 3 668

Today, a big crab at the beach got hold of my headphones and wouldn’t let go. Rather than wait and try to tease them free, my husband just grabbed the crab and ripped the claw off its body. The man has no patience or respect for other living things at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 391

Today, my wife told me she doesn’t understand why I’m uncomfortable with her being the moderator of “Sex Talk” forum, the top pinned message board of which is “Adultery Cuckolding.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 193

Today, I realized I’m so often high that being sober no longer feels "normal" to me. I don’t know any other way to cope with my emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 587