Work: Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/03/2018 01:30

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 323

You deserved it 372

Walk the line

Itchy and Scratchy

Cough it up

By NotAmericanIdol - 23/04/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 492

You deserved it 29 160

By highschoolsucks - 21/01/2015 02:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 991

You deserved it 6 953

By Eivana - 30/11/2018 12:00

Today, I finally got up the nerve to leave my boyfriend. We have no spark and quite honestly, it's been really awkward. I planned to tell him when he came in, and I did. After all was said and done, he handed me the roses and new puppy he had bought for me, a puppy that I had been saving up to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 146

You deserved it 1 279

By Anon. - 07/02/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 873

You deserved it 7 749

By Oliveisthenewora - 05/04/2016 05:55 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I tried a DIY face mask that involved using turmeric spice. After keeping it on for 20 minutes, I tried washing it off, but I couldn't get rid of the orange residue it had left behind. Guess who's going to work tomorrow looking like an Oompa Loompa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 191

You deserved it 7 266

OK Shaggy

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 03:01 - United States - Randolph

Today, I was pumping gas at a gas station. An attractive woman walked by and the guy pumping gas behind me did a whistle/catcall to her. She then looked at me and gave me a disgusted look. I didn't even try to hit on a girl, and still got rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 99

By oblivious idiot - 12/02/2016 07:50

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 521

You deserved it 7 157

Pets are life

By mikalovernj - 27/11/2020 14:02

Today, my neighbor asked me to check in on his pet. When I went into his house, I couldn't find any animals. I searched all over, and finally gave up and called him. I asked him what type of pet he had. His response? "My pet rock, Stubby." That's right, I just spent some time looking for a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 127

Rookie mistake

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 1 572

By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 688

You deserved it 3 392

By The Draught of Living Death - 17/07/2018 15:00

Today, I shared an elevator alone with an attractive co-worker. On our way up, she let out a loud, noxious rip. She covered her nose and mouth while giving me an accusing look, as I said with a straight face, "Excuse you." Later, I received a note from HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 528

You deserved it 258

By burned - 04/11/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 060

You deserved it 2 529

Balls

By onehitwonder - 10/02/2011 07:26

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 827

You deserved it 3 784

By Anonymous - 03/03/2016 22:36 - United States - Hampton

Today, I had to attend a meeting with my parents, my teacher, and my bully and his parents. When we started, my bully "broke down" and "tearfully" told the teacher that I was the one bullying him, and that he was getting blamed to cover it all up. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 697

You deserved it 1 388

By StudMuffinette - 18/07/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 171

You deserved it 2 962

By not even a sexy bushfire - 25/10/2012 16:27 - Australia - Kelmscott

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a romantic date to a botanical garden in the hills. A giant bushfire erupted in the hills on our way, meaning we're now stuck out here because the roads are closed. So romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 721

You deserved it 2 473

No sex for you

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 688

You deserved it 3 171

By Anonymous - 04/11/2011 19:38 - United States

Today, for the first time in years, I broke down in tears, over a Hallmark commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 162

You deserved it 6 840

By skrumpp - 20/03/2014 16:15

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 820

You deserved it 5 118

Love is… strange

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I asked my sister if she could watch my son so I could surprise my boyfriend and take him out for dinner and maybe some sexy time afterwards. He didn't even know it was our 2-year anniversary. He doesn't care, neither do I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 241

By I said whaat - 18/12/2012 16:50

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 142

You deserved it 36 760

By donutsex - 05/08/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Spicy

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 788

You deserved it 8 939

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 10:58 - United States

Today, I started an awesome job with competitive pay. I also found out that the place is closing its doors in June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 390

You deserved it 2 669

By choker - 14/03/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was okay. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 692

You deserved it 8 258

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 1 220

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to visit my grandmother. My grandfather recently died, so I had gotten her a cat for comfort. Turns out in her sadness, she had forgotten about the cat. I found its remains being eaten by ants and birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 840

You deserved it 404

Weird kid

By LGraham - 16/06/2020 20:08

Today, my nephew kicked me in the balls, again! And he got me fair and square this time. It's the fourth time he's got me in the balls since the pandemic started. I have to put my groin guard from college on and teach him a lesson because he won't listen and he's 12, so he knows what he's doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 283

By Anonymous - 17/05/2012 20:14 - United States - Champlin

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 648

You deserved it 29 164

By LaughingFML - 01/06/2016 21:33 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 855

You deserved it 1 118

By hellostupid - 28/03/2013 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 4 794

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 13:32 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 657

You deserved it 1 387

By deranged - 25/05/2017 19:00 - Ukraine - Pirogov

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the bank to get her new ATM card. As the bank teller gave her the card, he said that the PIN remained the same. Indignant, she cried out, "How do you possibly know my PIN code?" She's 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 940

You deserved it 509

Bittersweet

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 05:58

Today, I, a woman, realized that only women find me attractive, which is fine, except that I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 71

By UkuleleTime - 10/06/2015 05:25 - United States - Garner

Today, I worked in a shoe store. As I was removing the shoes off an older man I felt a squish, and pulled back my hand to see brown and yellow. The man then looked at me and said, "Looks like I missed a spot." Dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 032

You deserved it 1 832

By thisguy - 08/10/2013 09:55 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 626

You deserved it 4 718

By jam - 11/02/2012 07:03 - Australia

Today, I received a parking fine for $147. My car isn't even worth that much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 536

You deserved it 7 714

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 145

You deserved it 2 411

By girlshavepenises - 28/06/2011 06:39 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 246

You deserved it 4 232

By LifeSucks - 08/11/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 952

You deserved it 2 486

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Top comments

Zekfen 17

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Sunday 11 March 2018 1:49

Sometimes you just have to play along. You should have pointed to your manager and said he did it, and assure him it would be fixed the next time he came "home".

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Sunday 11 March 2018 2:45

Did you have to call him a twit though?

Comments

Zekfen 17

Send a private message

Sunday 11 March 2018 1:49

Sometimes you just have to play along. You should have pointed to your manager and said he did it, and assure him it would be fixed the next time he came "home".

Donut_Wizard 23

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Sunday 11 March 2018 1:53

I would pay to watch that play out.

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Sunday 11 March 2018 2:45

Did you have to call him a twit though?

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Sunday 11 March 2018 3:11

That's what you find wrong with this fml?

zultr 4

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Sunday 11 March 2018 3:21

I thought the same thing - there's two things wrong with the FML; his boss is clueless, but because he got mad as a result, he dismissed someone in need of care due to a medical condition as a "twit." Your boss may be an asshole, but that doesn't mean you need to act like one to others who've done nothing intentionally against you.

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Sunday 11 March 2018 4:24

Not sure calling someone who probably has dementia an old "twit" will win you any sympathy.

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Sunday 11 March 2018 4:54

Dr r8r e're eee y e're

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Sunday 11 March 2018 5:13

Shhh, it’s trying to communicate.

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Sunday 11 March 2018 5:01

ree

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Sunday 11 March 2018 9:04

You should be happy he didn’t undress and masturbate in his “living room”

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Sunday 11 March 2018 10:57

"What - would you rather I made a sale to someone with impaired judgement?" "I mean...did you try...?"

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 11 March 2018 11:15

He did not choose to be senile and there is no need to insult him for it. Insult you manager for not recognizing that he was not a customer but a man in need of assistance (and you also for insulting the man suffering from senility).

onceuponatime456 16

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Sunday 11 March 2018 17:24

So you work for an asshole! Change jobs!

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 11 March 2018 21:14

Although, sadly, a change of job would not change the fact he himself seems to be an asshole.

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Sunday 11 March 2018 18:51

I kind of feel sorry for the old man. The poor guy had no idea where he was.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 78

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 87