Love: Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my... - FML

By Kev - United States - Flemington

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

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Understandable

Sorry…

Fairytale ending

By idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States - Mesa

Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML

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By no luck - United States

Today, I found out less than 3 weeks before my wedding my fiancé will lose his new, great paying job unless we cancel our nonrefundable honeymoon. FML

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By leogs23 - 2/3/2021 20:01

Force of habit, or just mean?

Today, my fiancée’s siblings kept calling me by her ex-boyfriend’s name. FML

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By WhoopteeDooDoo - United States

Today, I pulled into the gas station to fill up only to realize I had forgot my wallet. By the time I went home, got it, and came back, the price had gone up eleven cents. FML

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By

Today, I found out I'm going to have to come into the office on yet another weekend to plow snow. This wouldn't be so bad, if I actually got paid to work weekends. FML

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By Mary

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

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By mustanggt

Today, I submitted an offer on a house. I got a call a few minutes later saying that it had collapsed. FML

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By IrNatalie - United States - Laveen

Today, a customer yelled at me because the cherry pie he bought had cherries in it, and he wanted a refund. FML

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By Fred - United States - Kingston

Today, I gave my friend condoms since he didn't have any and he was planning on "getting lucky." Little did I know he was planning on "getting lucky" with my sister. FML

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By sad - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML

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By lonely-mind - United States - Jackson

Today, my thighs started chafing 3 hours before the end of my work shift. Now they burn no matter what I do. I still have an 8-hour shift tomorrow and I can barely walk. To make it worse, my mom's only words of advice involved me losing weight so it "doesn't happen again". FML

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By Lissy - 5/1/2021 14:02

You're my mommy now

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Follow instructions

Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML

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By helen

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

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Today, at 3am, my boyfriend's phone notifications kept going off. I attempted to wake him up, but he didn't budge. When I went to silence it, I saw his Ashley Madison notification, followed by Tinder, Zoosk, and Plenty of Fish. We've been monogamous over a year... or so I thought. FML

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By mycariswrecked - United States - Tinley Park

Early meeting

Today, I was going to meet up with my boyfriend's mother to watch his swim meet with her. On my way to the high school, I got in a car accident. The person driving the other car was his mother. FML

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By Jong - United States

Today, I arrived at work only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. 5 hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

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By again? - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

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By nobodywasthere

Today, I rushed onto the metro to get to work. I found there were no seats left and asked a perfectly healthy guy to let me sit in the handicap spot. He refused to because "being tired" was a handicap characteristic. I have one leg. FML

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By BloodyMarry - United States

Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML

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By Suomynona - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

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By reb2632 - United States

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

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By Snotmyfault - United States

Today, at the age of 22 I started eating my boogers. FML

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By Kath - Poland

Today, I was reading an article about girls who have low self-esteem and end up whoring around to feel better. When I finished, I realized it was actually written by my best friend. The girl in the article was me. FML

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By bruised - Australia - Sydney

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

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By skipper - United States

Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

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By always amazed - Canada - Barrie

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

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By noname - United States - Middletown

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML

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By penguins - United States

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Macon

Today, as I was pulling into work at 15 weeks pregnant, I projectile vomit all over myself and my vehicle. I had an emotional breakdown as I went back home, and called my boss to let him know I would not be in that day. I am now looking for a new job. FML

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By Billie - 4/2/2021 00:01 - Bulgaria

Can't win

Today, my boyfriend was tidying up around the room. I asked him if he'd like me to help, to which he responded, "No, I don't need any help," then added, "Wish you weren't so lazy." FML

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By kaleigh - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

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By boredbymyself - 17/9/2020 14:01 - United States

NFL 2020

Today, it was the first game of 2020 Notre Dame football. My boyfriend’s family are huge fans and were upset because they weren’t doing well. When I left to get snacks for everyone, Notre Dame finally started playing better. I’ve been sent to the kitchen until further notice, because apparently I’m “bad luck”. FML

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By weave9z - Canada - Montreal

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

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By MaddyN - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

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By Lin - United States

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

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By youngboob - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

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By Erin - 2/1/2021 20:01

Warming it up

Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML

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By random - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

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Top comments

By warsun | 27

#6043391 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:16

F your grandma's life actually

By junkman6 | 22

#6043393 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:17

There's drunk and then there's that. Maybe you shouldn't drink for a while?

COMMENTS

By RusticChick | 27

#6043389 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:15

Let's hope your grandma didn't reply.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#6043470 - Thursday 21 August 2014 0:16

With pics of her own...*shudders*

Reply

lnheritance | 19

#6043924 - Thursday 21 August 2014 8:30

Granny panties, *shiver*.

Reply

Smiley_70 | 22

#6043981 - Thursday 21 August 2014 11:21

Why my lad I remember when your willy was tiny!

By warsun | 27

#6043391 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:16

F your grandma's life actually

Reply

cinskeep43 | 15

#6043504 - Thursday 21 August 2014 0:41

yeah I'm sure she's so proud of her grandchildren

Reply

MSDemonslayer | 5

#6043678 - Thursday 21 August 2014 4:26

Wow. I like your profile pic. Maplestory. I like that shit.

By junkman6 | 22

#6043393 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:17

There's drunk and then there's that. Maybe you shouldn't drink for a while?

Reply

cinskeep43 | 15

#6043508 - Thursday 21 August 2014 0:44

for a while?!?! how bout never lol

By alice192823 | 24

#6043394 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:18

Woah your poor grandma

By alex_622 | 22

#6043396 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:18

That was more than granny bargained for...

Reply

Arwen_Evenstar | 37

#6043544 - Thursday 21 August 2014 1:11

Or less...

By IKickPuppiesHard | 16

#6043397 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:18

Did granny send nudes back?

Reply

AnOriginalName | 19

#6043472 - Thursday 21 August 2014 0:17

Hopefully....

Reply

FmyL6 | 19

#6043517 - Thursday 21 August 2014 0:52

NOT!

Reply

LowExpectations | 30

#6043620 - Thursday 21 August 2014 2:35

(Rocks back and forth, shaking head.) No, no, no, no, no, no.

Reply

J_Kertz | 14

#6044770 - Friday 22 August 2014 10:59

#28 - People like you make me wonder...

By Pleonasm | 34

#6043404 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:19

Depending on how you played your cards, she either just took you off the will or just added you on it.

By kabza | 12

#6043406 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:22

you deserve it for sending nude pics while drunk

Reply

foxwasalamb | 24

#6043413 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:26

maybe he feels more confident under the influence. who knows.

Reply

junkman6 | 22

#6043516 - Thursday 21 August 2014 0:50

If sending nudes to your grandma is confidence... I'll take 5 pitchers of timid please.

Reply

Arwen_Evenstar | 37

#6043545 - Thursday 21 August 2014 1:12

Sending nudes is never very smart, easy to be used against you. To an ex, very bad.

Reply

oreoeater | 21

#6043617 - Thursday 21 August 2014 2:30

your not exactly thinking straight when your drunk

Reply

sashin112792 | 7

#6043645 - Thursday 21 August 2014 3:40

Agreed, #50 but if you're drunk enough to send nudes to your grandma you might have a problem

Reply

orbit | 22

#6044255 - Thursday 21 August 2014 21:42

It probably works better than an AA meeting though

By IJG2000 | 16

#6043407 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:22

This is on a whole new level of drunk

Reply

gramirez23 | 9

#6043693 - Thursday 21 August 2014 4:34

Dumbass of the day award goes to... Kev!! Congratulations.

By stargirl_95 | 24

#6043412 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 23:26

If you're getting that drunk OP then I think you may have a problem.