By JFC - 17/07/2016 19:56

Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks 12 032
You deserved it 998

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There's nothing transphobic about not wanting to date someone. Even if you don't want to date a trans guy, that can just be a preference. We're attracted to who we're attracted to.

Don't let him put you down. This has nothing to do with him being a transgender, obviously. He can try to use it to point fingers, but hopefully you see through it and realize you haven't done anything wrong. Sheesh...the nerve of some people.

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He's just butthurt and probably can't handle rejection.

Why didn't you go to Cuba?

I want to know the same thing

Don't let him put you down. This has nothing to do with him being a transgender, obviously. He can try to use it to point fingers, but hopefully you see through it and realize you haven't done anything wrong. Sheesh...the nerve of some people.

There's nothing transphobic about not wanting to date someone. Even if you don't want to date a trans guy, that can just be a preference. We're attracted to who we're attracted to.

I was once called racist and a fat-people-hater because I stated that I mainly date white, sporty men. I mean it's not that I have an obligation to give everyone who comes along a chance. I'm not a dating charity.

I wonder what I am if I exclusively date big boobed redheads...

This is the world in which we live. If you're not actively demonstrating by word and deed that you are "for" something, you're automatically seen to be "against" it.

That's pretty funny that your family didn't take you to Cuba. It sucks that he thinks like that.

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There's nothing transphobic about not wanting to date someone. There is something transphobic about the sentence "he" was born as a "she" though. You deserve it for that.

If there's anything that alienates people from the trans community, it's comments like this. Instead of being a dick and saying they deserve it for saying that, why not teach them better phrasing?

That was not transphobic. The OP was merely explaining that this person was trans, how else is she supposed to explain that? She literally just gave the definition of what FTM tran is, it's a "she" who is actually a he and making the transition or who has already transitioned. If anything it's a good thing she went into detail like that, because although access to information might be easier now, some people might not understand what trans is. Whether you like it or not, this person was assigned the gender "she" when he was born, I'm not saying he is a "she," I believe everyone is the gender they feel, but they did live as a "she," for at least a little while I imagine, which is a crucial part to what makes this an FML. In short, the OP was not transphobic for using that sentence, don't be stupid.

Well, I'm with #26 - the OP is only stating a fact. It's almost beyond doubt that at birth the midwife will have said "you have a baby girl!" or a variant thereof. He may be male now and may indeed have felt so since he could recognise the difference (which is not at birth obviously) but at birth he would have been assigned the gender of his physical manifestation at that time. Nothing else is currenly possible.

A lot of misinformation flying around here, so I'll clear a couple things up. Firstly, I agree that OP has no obligation to date anyone. Secondly, the trans guy has always been a "he." He (the word denoting his gender) was born female (the word denoting his biological sex). He was born female and has always been a man. It's simple if you google the difference between biological sex and gender, but people get confused because our society has blended the two words together.

Chromosomes still stay the same either way

43 is mostly correct. We don't know the person and gender can be fluid, so they might not have always felt like a man, but it is most common for trans people to have felt that way from a very young age. It's also not really correct to say "biological sex" because it is becoming more understood that biology plays a big role in determining if a person will be trans. OP doesn't deserve it just because she phrased something a bit ignorantly, but it was not the best way to put it. All she had to say was the person happened to be trans and she wasn't into him. Especially putting the word "he" in quotations can be really hurtful because it undermines their identity and disrespects their wishes to go by the pronouns they prefer. Even if you don't mean to be hurtful it is. So now we know. Don't do that.

There are some great comments below from actual trans people, too, that everyone should read about OPs wording.

Bull. If you have a penis, XY chromsomes, and produce viable sperm, calling you a biological male is a basic fact. How you feel or identify is mental and none of my business. I'll refer to you with whatever pronouns you want just like using the name you prefer. But I refuse to say she has a penis or was born a girl with a penis. That's silly.

The thing is biology is a lot more complicated than that, but I would rather not get into an argument about it on FML. I'd recommend doing some research on the causes of transexuality.

depends, if you changed your mind about being interested when you found out then that would be transphobia. but if you didnt like him before anyways? no foul @ all

I really don't think that there is something like dating discrimination. You can not date a whole group of people in principle for whatever reasons and still don't have anything against them and not discriminate them in every other aspect of life. I'd just say that people who tend to have strong prejudice have a higher probability to also have them in general.

Even if she changed her mind, I don't think that would necessarily make her transphobic. For all we know, having biological kids is something she'd really like to try, so knowing from the start that it's 100% impossible is a good reason not to start a relationship imo. And in any case, I think you should be dating someone you are comfortable with, not forcing yourself to date/sleep with people you don't want to just to be "inclusive."

One thing I always wonder when people assume it's transphobic to decide against dating someone based on them being trans, is perhaps the reason is something different, such as a desire to have children with a life partner? Sure there's always adoption, but I think it's perfectly reasonable for someone to want a biological child if they can. EDIT: Reply above me got it one. I've known heterosexual cisgendered couples break up over the issue of children, so yeah, it can be a deal-breaker for some.