Kids: Today, I was sitting at the park with a friend when a small child... - FML

By failure - Australia

Today, I was sitting at the park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I would like to play the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said no thanks, to which the kid responded 'but there is nobody else ugly enough.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

52258

You deserved it

4353

Tweet

Share

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Hot lava

Snitches get bitches

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, an old lady came through my line to buy some groceries. She told me she lost her purse and was a little short. It was busy, so I pulled out my little purse and gave her the money she needed. A few minutes later she returned with my boss, insisting that my purse was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37677

You deserved it

3254

Tweet

Share

By rtrim29 - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9710

You deserved it

93537

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27884

You deserved it

4482

Tweet

Share

By random person - United States

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55121

You deserved it

4698

Tweet

Share

By ElizaWy

Today, I celebrated my fifteen-week anniversary. No, not a relationship anniversary. A migraine anniversary. It won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12574

You deserved it

826

Tweet

Share

By GrossedOut - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29833

You deserved it

2403

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Argentina

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31251

You deserved it

1935

Tweet

Share

By Meetingman

Today, our company did a photo-session for the website. The photographer was limping, and I immediately asked what's wrong with him. Then I noticed he was on a prosthetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7382

You deserved it

2466

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Valdosta

Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40862

You deserved it

2893

Tweet

Share

By Lordofdance

Today, the only way my newborn sleeps is if I dance around with him strapped to me. Six hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2829

You deserved it

456

Tweet

Share

By mislabelled mother

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1851

You deserved it

5482

Tweet

Share

By Noname - Canada

Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59485

You deserved it

7582

Tweet

Share

By Eeeek - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14087

You deserved it

52663

Tweet

Share

By NoWedding - United States

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37794

You deserved it

3524

Tweet

Share

By bear - Norway - Bod?

Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21880

You deserved it

4347

Tweet

Share

By Alec - United States

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28702

You deserved it

1903

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Unionville

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29006

You deserved it

38507

Tweet

Share

By Mia - United States - Laurel

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49884

You deserved it

4652

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25392

You deserved it

3248

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Newtownards

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs at college. I was taken to hospital with a fractured ankle and had to call my parents to drive me home. They constantly made passive-aggressive remarks on the way home, because I'd "totally ruined" their plans to eat out at a fancy restaurant tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32637

You deserved it

3650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 23:01

Don't shoot the messenger

Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1289

You deserved it

1826

Tweet

Share

By Nickname - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22717

You deserved it

13820

Tweet

Share

By bigdawg702 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18277

You deserved it

68876

Tweet

Share

By ForeverAGirlfriend - United States - Aliquippa

Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13968

You deserved it

3165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41345

You deserved it

4213

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4013

You deserved it

474

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was texting pictures from my old phone to my new one, including several dirty ones, when I noticed I wasn't receiving any of them on the new phone. I was texting the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12982

You deserved it

59787

Tweet

Share

By kitty shah - United States

Today, I was having a debate with my friend over tattoos. I used the example that you wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. He looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah, but you're no Ferrari. More like a Prius." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13194

You deserved it

27353

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39337

You deserved it

4149

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3606

You deserved it

508

Tweet

Share

By I piss upon thee - United States - Toledo

Today, I got a warning for not covering a shift, on my day off, for someone who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I “do something wrong", I'll either get warned again or fired, whichever they feel like doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12899

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1018

Tweet

Share

By juliannamelissa - United States - Philadelphia

Relaxing

Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27251

You deserved it

9557

Tweet

Share

By NCanalyst - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35435

You deserved it

2347

Tweet

Share

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54093

You deserved it

17959

Tweet

Share

By Whoops...

Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I shit myself unexpectedly at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2695

You deserved it

283

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35670

You deserved it

3130

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally finished my art project which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in 1st period to give it to her. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63513

You deserved it

3474

Tweet

Share

By MirandaKristine - United States - Miami

Go forth and NOT multiply

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1264

You deserved it

299

Tweet

Share

By Ugggghhh

Today, I was that person in the pharmacy that held the line up for 25 minutes. When I got home, I realized I left my prescriptions in the shopping cart in the store's parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2687

You deserved it

1808

Tweet

Share

By It'd be nice to see you too. - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at my all-night senior party, I was talking to the blind girl who I haven't had classes with since 9th grade. I unthinkingly opened the conversation with "Nice to see you again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42447

You deserved it

9657

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By whatmarielsaid | 0

#348759 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:11

awwwwwwwww wow fyl for sure. kids are fuckin harsh.

....but they speak the truth.
bahhahahahhaha.

By scorpiogirl666 | 0

#348766 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:14

oh wow. at least the kid is honest?

COMMENTS

By dotsdesu | 0

#348755 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:09

haha the horror!

Reply

easylazy | 0

#349498 - Sunday 28 June 2009 19:20

Hahaha the kid speaks truth
Get plastic surgery

By whatmarielsaid | 0

#348759 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:11

awwwwwwwww wow fyl for sure. kids are fuckin harsh.

....but they speak the truth.
bahhahahahhaha.

By scorpiogirl666 | 0

#348766 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:14

oh wow. at least the kid is honest?

Reply

gurlthatwalks | 0

#1066482 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 7:26

you shouldve just said yes. YDI

By LMAO_over_here | 0

#348772 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:19

Brat!!

By lendmeyourteeth | 0

#348776 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:22

LOL!

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#970869 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 4:43

bwahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!
rotflmfaolol

By nightswimmer | 0

#348802 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:44

haja

By ImAllFailure | 0

#348811 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:52

Don't kids just say the darndest things?! :)

Reply

malachy32 | 1

#2996076 - Friday 29 July 2011 22:27

dude this is not a dating site WTF is wrong with Ur description

By 00754chan | 0

#348826 - Sunday 28 June 2009 13:08

ROFLLL.

YDI for living in Canberra (Y)

Reply

dirtyhippie | 0

#348828 - Sunday 28 June 2009 13:09

Word!

By Battledog5006 | 0

#348835 - Sunday 28 June 2009 13:13

Hahahahahahahaha  Im about to piss my pants laughing hahhahha

By Glam_fml | 0

#348839 - Sunday 28 June 2009 13:26

You should have pushed the bratcoff the bridge. FYL for being so ugly.

Reply

lolzforfun228 | 3

#349139 - Sunday 28 June 2009 16:49

kids speak the truth because they don't feel the need to be polite. For example if someone you knew didn't care about being polite they would call you an asshole.

Reply

dilqncho | 1

#1005669 - Monday 24 May 2010 16:48

No,kids speak the truth because they don't understand that their words might hurt someone.For example,if a kid hates the birthday present you gave them,it'll just announce it out loud,instead of pretending they like it.Or they might call you a troll and be surprised by the negative reaction.