Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML
Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Markovski 18
Should've stole food back..
SlimDanny 15
Thanks for breaking this down for us.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
Markovski 18
Should've stole food back..
DFMLharsh 20
Exactly! Your karma just bit your ass instead. Sorry though :/
deathcreep25 14
What if he didn't have food and that was the reason why he is stealing from him?
HeartYou101 31
#40, He shouldn't have moved out if he can't afford to live away from the family home...There's no excuse for taking someone else's food without asking
kmaheynoway 25
Brace for incoming "What a sh*tty situation" puns.
funkypenguin 7
Only things worse than the puns themself are the people saying to prepare for the puns.
iSativa 24
Passive aggressive notes work wonders
GavinoFreedom 20
Fyl and ydi. You put laxatives on a pizza for your roommate for revenge and then you ate it. Good Try
SlimDanny 15
Thanks for breaking this down for us.
ilovesoccer1610 31
I would have never figured this out without you.
JesusFreak227 15
Karma's a bitch
vikky538 29
In this case its double karma
saifnaqvi11 21
Wow that's pretty bad. FYL OP.
zlew19 10
What a shitty situation. Yes, I know I'm terrible.
dreamful_artist 14
Overused joke much?
brand125 17
and overused reply, haha
hippodankamus 22
What goes around comes around.
graceinsheepwear 34
and out
Googolman 29
Couldn't you figure out a more mature way of taking care of your problem?
ZombieSazza 34
Sometimes talking to your flatmate doesn't always work. My flatmate knew which food was mine, to the point I'd write my name on it, but he'd still eat it. I'd ask him not to touch my food as I was going to eat it after classes, to find the empty wrappers on the worktop and a massive mess. Some people are honestly just dickheads. Can't wait to move out, July is just round the corner.
gearhead369 20
Omg you so got what you deserved. Should just talk to your flatmate bud
False_Stupidity 42
Probably has but the flat mate keeps on stealing the food. This sounds like a desperate act of last resort to me, but I could be wrong.