Miscellaneous: Today, my mother came up to me at swim meet and shouted to me...

By embarassed - United States

Today, my mother came up to me at swim meet and shouted to me in the bleachers "If you have to go potty, go now because there is a long line!". I'm seventeen. FML

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Miscellaneous

Commando

Late term

Music nerds of the world unite!

By Seriously - United States

Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML

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By ihateeverything - United States

Today, the dentist had to give me a lot of novacaine because my mouth wasn't becoming numb. After the 4th time the entire right side of my mouth was numb, except for the 2 teeth getting worked on. FML

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31290

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2020 05:00

Afterthought

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he never thought we had a future together. He just wanted to move in together so he could get "cheaper rent for a while." FML

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1841

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By grossesfesses - France - Compi?gne

Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML

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52758

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By RAS266

Today, a water snake slithered into our pool. He can have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4443

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497

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By barface - United States

Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh apparently. FML

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37743

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By a-scared - United States

Today, I went to the Grand Canyon with my family. Also today, I found out that I have a crippling fear of heights. My family left me on a ledge hyperventilating and having a mental breakdown, while they hiked for another 2 hours. They won't stop telling me how pretty it was and what I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41488

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By fall3nrain - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41702

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By Bleh - Canada - Brantford

Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2011

You deserved it

228

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By silkysmooth - United States

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

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34759

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2021 05:01

That's… a strange coincidence

Today, my boyfriend of three years hooked up with a girl who got herpes from a Michigan football player. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

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By notacaveman - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

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76019

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By Username - United States

Today, after applying sunscreen to myself every two hours, I still got sunburned. Through my clothes. FML

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33241

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By SBae - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

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15937

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By beka

Today, after our housing offer was accepted, I told my parents. The only response was, “That’s a much nicer house than I had when I got married, I hope you can afford furniture.” Thanks mom. FML

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2105

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

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16374

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By Wtf - Canada

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

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45216

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By thinner than you - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

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37581

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By longday - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

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24462

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By depressed - United States - Hull

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

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37110

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By hazlanz216 - Canada

Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML

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29829

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By frmitalywithlove - United States

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

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30538

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By elizabeth - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30432

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By CanadianTwin - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I was walking in Walmart with my dad. We walked past the deodorant aisle. My dad said, "Need any deodorant?" I said, "No thanks." He replied, "That was a hint." FML

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11704

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By Hungry - Australia - Brisbane

Cheat day

Today, I conveniently "forgot" to write down a bunch of stuff, including a huge kebab, in my Weight Watchers food journal. FML

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458

You deserved it

2012

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By prdept. - France

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML

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40058

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By Becky - United Kingdom

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

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39643

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By wdunn69733 - United States - Macon

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

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86116

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By ? - United States

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

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40521

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By DarkDolly - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

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36915

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By brother love - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

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38626

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By anahira6 - United States - Houston

Cheating cheater

Today, my boss's son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

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49574

You deserved it

3011

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By musicthief - United States - Finleyville

Today, I saw my music teacher, who I considered one of my role-models, on TV. Too bad it was because she'd robbed a church. FML

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24140

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1874

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By scoobses - United States

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and say, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker". I don't get paid enough for this. FML

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24745

You deserved it

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By Erica - Australia - Sydney

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose ‘to prove that she’s responsible’. FML

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4368

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By FuckThis - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

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31193

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a grown man yelled at me because he'd been waiting for 15 minutes and still hadn't been seated or had his order taken. We were at a self-serve breakfast buffet. FML

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48263

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By madgf - France

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML

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12339

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By Name - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

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Top comments

By Indiana_fml | 4

#228837 - Monday 25 May 2009 12:21

I think there should be an additional category named "Mom".

By Serial | 2

#228813 - Monday 25 May 2009 12:04

those lines do get pretty long

COMMENTS

By Serial | 2

#228813 - Monday 25 May 2009 12:04

those lines do get pretty long

By Indiana_fml | 4

#228837 - Monday 25 May 2009 12:21

I think there should be an additional category named "Mom".

Mylees | 0

#1396909 - Monday 13 September 2010 9:19

lol. good thought I second that

By xxmollyxx | 25

#228853 - Monday 25 May 2009 12:35

mums are weird like that.

By EverWatcher | 0

#228857 - Monday 25 May 2009 12:40

#3 has a damn clever idea.

By poppajonzz | 0

#228860 - Monday 25 May 2009 12:42

Your mother was just looking out for you. My Mother use to do the same thing at speed skating matches because the suit was so damn annoying to take off.

By tokyooo123 | 0

#228868 - Monday 25 May 2009 12:53

haha potty? nice one mom.

By Lounia_fml | 8

#228882 - Monday 25 May 2009 13:05

Lmfao I agree with #3, brilliant idea xD

By Curtieeeez | 0

#228921 - Monday 25 May 2009 13:43

Go #3! Haha =P

By fretforyerlatte | 0

#228928 - Monday 25 May 2009 13:49

oh, moms. aren't they grand? do you like, have a much younger sibling? that would explain her still being in the habit of saying "potty". otherwise, wtf mom. haha.

agreed w/ 3, we definitely need a "mom" category.

By crownme | 0

#228930 - Monday 25 May 2009 13:51

Yeah I agree let's get another category!