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Ok. I am the OP. I used to 116 lbs and i gained a little weight in college and now I weigh 134lbs. I don't think that is fat and I dont appreciate being called that. But I know by sharing my funny story I run the risk of getting these nasty comments. The nasty comments definitely made my excitement from gettign posted vanished but I will get over it. When my dad said this comment to me I laughed very VERY hard. My dads a funny guy and I didnt take it personally because I love my body and I am comfortable which is all that matters. I posted this story to make other ppl laugh because I think laughter is the best thing in the whole world. I chose this costume because it cost me $10 and i wasnt going to spend $60 smething on something skanky like every other college girl (sorry for those who arent i dont want to generalize). And for the record there is not and never was and spandex involved in the making of this costume. Im wearing an oversized sweater and shorts, tights, legwarmers (etc). Halloween on a budget ppl. So to those who made nice comments, thank you I just wanted everyone to laugh. And to those nasty mean ppl who have nothing better to do than bring ppl down, sorry you think 134lbs is fat and I'm sorry there arent other things that make you laugh besides hurting ppls feelings. Kirstie aka freshman 15

Reluctant

By bruised - 15/08/2015 15:47 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

agreeclassic 27 162

vote type 1 1 964

By booyouwhoree - 03/03/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregnant, she replied, "Is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

agreeclassic 50 857

vote type 1 18 424

By itsjustwill - 17/01/2013 00:35 - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

agreeclassic 36 156

vote type 1 2 166

Where'd you go?

By omgjessp - 19/07/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

agreeclassic 45 642

vote type 1 3 997

By KornyKid - 21/02/2016 08:01 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I got a new cat for my birthday. It ate my bird right when we got home, then it ran away. FML

agreeclassic 24 776

vote type 1 4 297

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Victoria

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

agreeclassic 16 827

vote type 1 14 472

By Username - 01/01/2011 23:21 - United States

Today, I spent the first day of the New Year helping out at an old folks' home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Ernie, an 83 year-old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

agreeclassic 30 747

vote type 1 3 990

By Anonymous - 13/08/2013 08:49 - France - Paris

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

agreeclassic 53 612

vote type 1 4 256

Love is love

By anonymous-canada - 07/12/2010 05:28

Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML

agreeclassic 26 865

vote type 1 4 291

Addicted

By oddgrrl99 - 23/07/2013 22:42 - United States - Portage

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

agreeclassic 54 572

vote type 1 4 763

By superman21 - 28/09/2014 22:55 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

agreeclassic 34 318

vote type 1 6 572

By Grrr - 20/07/2012 07:58 - United States - Salem

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

agreeclassic 26 400

vote type 1 2 082

AITA?

By Kathryn - 13/08/2011 10:31 - Belgium

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML

agreeclassic 11 408

vote type 1 41 191

By DrewK - 14/05/2013 20:09 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

agreeclassic 46 897

vote type 1 4 530

By Pudgymom - 21/10/2016 02:08

Today, I ran into an old friend at the store with my infant daughter. As we caught up, she assured me that I could get rid of all my baby weight from the pregnancy. If only I had actually been pregnant. My wife carried her and looks fantastic. FML

agreeclassic 11 446

vote type 1 1 745

By Anonymous - 04/08/2015 21:42 - United States - Utica

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

agreeclassic 26 158

vote type 1 2 724

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 06:15 - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

agreeclassic 29 880

vote type 1 2 307

By unprofessional - 13/04/2015 05:20 - United States - Portland

Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML

agreeclassic 17 956

vote type 1 24 437

By sparklethelette - 07/12/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

agreeclassic 28 063

vote type 1 3 504

By sober judge - 03/10/2013 03:46 - United States - Enfield

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

agreeclassic 41 606

vote type 1 7 870

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Today, out of my whole class, I received no awards. All my teachers thought that I would get plenty from the others. Now people think I'm stupid. I have a 3.66 GPA and they won't believe me. FML

agreeclassic 12 737

vote type 1 1 481

Today, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't brought a guy home in over 7 years. Nope. I'm just a crazy cat lady, minus the cats. FML

agreeclassic 9 797

vote type 1 1 184

Today, my husband won’t stop bragging about the girl with the "model cheekbones" from the airport shuttle, who kept telling her friend in French how hot he was in front of us. Miss Model was unaware that we’re from France, and my husband’s ego might never deflate. FML

agreeclassic 982

vote type 1 162

Today, I had an extreme panic attack in the middle of class. I interrupted another person's presentation, burst into tears, and ran out of class whilst everyone looked at me. FML

agreeclassic 24 917

vote type 1 3 545

Today, I received an email saying, "Thinking of you and hoping you are taking care." It was from the love of my life. We broke up 20 years ago. Previously, we had contact every 5+ years. It's just too late. FML

agreeclassic 701

vote type 1 137

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

agreeclassic 44 067

vote type 1 3 678