Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was...

By Nicked - 25/4/2009 11:50 - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50902

You deserved it

15742

Favorite

Money

Headache

Toxic parents

Billy no-mates

By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37359

You deserved it

13897

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 03:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26811

You deserved it

3109

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10175

You deserved it

26298

Favorite

By ripmylife - 10/10/2016 17:53 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10582

You deserved it

2059

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/4/2014 15:30 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49480

You deserved it

3965

Favorite

By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9149

You deserved it

576

Favorite

By fml - 13/1/2020 07:00 - United States - Huntsville

Really!

Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML

I agree, your life sucks

1725

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/6/2013 20:26 - United States - Houston

Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62608

You deserved it

18173

Favorite

By notinthebutt - 14/6/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15287

You deserved it

64070

Favorite

By markzar - 5/5/2012 07:19 - United States - Amherst

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27646

You deserved it

2289

Favorite

By Lavalise - 5/11/2011 07:11 - France

Today, on the subway, a woman got off without her suitcase. I grabbed the case, chased her onto the platform, and shouted, "You forgot your suitcase!" while the doors closed behind me. In actual fact, it wasn't her suitcase, and its actual owner was still on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34669

You deserved it

11768

Favorite

By ohmygoodness - 2/3/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

80213

You deserved it

17196

Favorite

By it's just hair - 15/2/2018 19:00

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3893

You deserved it

722

Favorite

By Alliente - 17/7/2012 21:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28975

You deserved it

3798

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/2/2015 00:34 - United States - Mentor

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40781

You deserved it

4119

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/7/2015 13:14 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25112

You deserved it

1508

Favorite

By Romantic - 15/1/2010 08:33 - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36075

You deserved it

4129

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/11/2015 07:20 - United States

Today, the man of my dreams turned out to be the worst kisser I've ever encountered. I now have a huge hickey on my chin to remember the experience by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22779

You deserved it

2315

Favorite

By embarrassed - 11/11/2011 15:17 - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10590

You deserved it

123843

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 12:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

74866

You deserved it

8393

Favorite

By AW - 10/1/2011 12:48

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39542

You deserved it

3008

Favorite

By gymgirl - 17/12/2013 23:48 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51182

You deserved it

3802

Favorite

By Yeah - 24/10/2014 05:02 - United States - El Paso

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33070

You deserved it

17715

Favorite

By tanya - 25/10/2010 12:32 - Canada

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16055

You deserved it

40810

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/1/2011 02:53 - United States

Today, I got my phone fixed and the lady who was working on it somehow resent all the old text messages in my outbox. One was to my ex saying "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33989

You deserved it

4164

Favorite

By happyharriet - 16/4/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56609

You deserved it

5344

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:18 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52005

You deserved it

5822

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31342

You deserved it

3560

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 14:16 - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10832

You deserved it

51839

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26435

You deserved it

64179

Favorite

By I'm_Not_Interested - 6/7/2015 05:30 - United States - Reno

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29007

You deserved it

2864

Favorite

By TANT - 22/3/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74411

You deserved it

24502

Favorite

By Live Sweet - 25/4/2013 05:33

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69439

You deserved it

14687

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/5/2020 02:00

Getting the point across

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1566

You deserved it

110

Favorite

By nothisfault - 5/12/2008 04:40 - France

Today, and as for the rest of my life, I will always have a husband whose breath stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18831

You deserved it

29279

Favorite

By akward - 4/9/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15115

You deserved it

52006

Favorite

By Sickinbed - 7/6/2011 10:27 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I see that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37960

You deserved it

3636

Favorite

By Tay - 17/2/2012 01:29 - Australia

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28445

You deserved it

2710

Favorite

By Local Welsh - 16/8/2018 18:30

Today, my husband's cousin told me it's a tradition that I should have sex with the eldest male cousin (him) as a rite of passage, and I probably don't know this being of foreign origin. I emigrated here and met my husband when we were 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3583

You deserved it

234

Favorite

By underemployed - 8/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34573

You deserved it

4881

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By quioxote | 0

#142370 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:05

A guy was feeling up your butt and your response was to stomp on his foot...but only after the bus stopped? YDI

By curryndricegirll | 0

#142412 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:12

Why would you let him "feel your butt" long enough for him to steal your wallet?

COMMENTS

By itsame123_fml | 0

#142366 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:04

lol wow first comment!!!!!!

By itsame123_fml | 0

#142367 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:04

lol wow first comment!!!!!!

joeyisinsane | 0

#1024283 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 23:19

jizz toenails

sportsmaniak13 | 3

#2727817 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 5:36

actually second, but nice counting

By samxoxoxolala | 0

#142368 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:04

woowwwww

By quioxote | 0

#142370 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:05

A guy was feeling up your butt and your response was to stomp on his foot...but only after the bus stopped? YDI

yaldo_fml | 0

#4082219 - Friday 24 February 2012 17:42

Well she's an Israeli. No morals there.

Grenith | 21

#6217253 - Sunday 1 March 2015 0:30

It was probably as the bus was stopping that he started to feel her up.

By kissicysun | 0

#142375 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:05

sucks
but you should've reacted sooner

chloelovestoswim | 6

#942357 - Saturday 13 March 2010 15:43

obviously she liked it so shedidnt stop him ;) lmao

By ejvlols | 0

#142392 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:09

wow YDI. no seriously, why keep your wallet in your back pocket. keep it in a purse, or if ur a man then keep it somewhere inm your chest pocket

toaster468 | 0

#981691 - Monday 19 April 2010 5:45

I want to feel your butt.

By FBIWarning | 0

#142393 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:09

Must of liked it to allow him to do it for that long, YDI

By youaresofucked | 0

#142405 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:11

idiot

By curryndricegirll | 0

#142412 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:12

Why would you let him "feel your butt" long enough for him to steal your wallet?

By mattmag | 0

#142413 - Saturday 25 April 2009 20:12

i never understood why people keep their wallet in their ass pockets. it's like begging to get robbed.