Money: Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was...

By Nicked - 25/04/2009 11:50 - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 941

You deserved it 15 771

Money

Pavarotti next door

What are you most angry about?

Can we be friends?

By shittysongs - 07/03/2013 02:39 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 842

You deserved it 7 077

By Marcipaud - 05/05/2016 17:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 547

You deserved it 977

By hellogoodbye - 06/06/2009 03:36 - Canada

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 530

You deserved it 12 441

By confusedphotographer - 19/04/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 836

You deserved it 64 108

By Single - 07/08/2010 11:01 - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 270

You deserved it 6 997

By bm - 11/02/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 2 618

By BabyButt - 09/04/2014 17:50 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 602

You deserved it 41 477

By Anonymous - 12/02/2013 18:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 244

You deserved it 3 296

Oh, thanks…

By Whoops - 24/06/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 108

You deserved it 72 789

Perv

By niquey62307 - 08/12/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 240

You deserved it 5 733

By Mirroronthewall - 30/08/2009 15:22 - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 738

You deserved it 44 125

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 16:11 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 542

You deserved it 6 507

By drewcaver - 12/04/2015 19:49 - United States - Houston

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 597

You deserved it 2 307

By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 00:16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 309

You deserved it 6 161

Uber karma

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 17:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, I dropped off my visibly-upset Uber passengers off at a funeral. I absentmindedly said, “Good luck, have fun!” as they got out. Needless to say, I got my first 1-star rating today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 973

Get out

By a7xforever - 14/09/2010 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 997

You deserved it 3 398

Dad of the year

By hispanicsmyass - 26/10/2020 16:59 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my ex thinks he's such a good parent that he is arguing about making up parenting time. Yet our court agreement says he's to be responsible for doctor's appointments, carry health insurance for our child, and life insurance. Plus pay child support. None of which he has followed through on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 135

Gambled and lost

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 10:59

Today, I found out that my mom found a paper with my long lost username and password to an old crypto wallet with 17 bitcoins. She'd thrown it in the garbage bin before realising what it was. The bin was empty when I went running to check it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 219

By IAmACoolCat - 05/07/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 449

You deserved it 4 935

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Sara Harms - 24/10/2021 14:00

Today, as the kind person that I am, I let my friend use the washroom before me while I watched our shopping cart. I then found out that the stores closes the washroom at 5 pm, and since I didn’t know, I ended up walking 25 minutes to a gas station in the rain to use one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 107

Could've been the One

By Courtney - 10/10/2021 16:57

Today, I received a message telling me the guy I was seeing just wasn’t feeling the “vibe”. This would be fine, if he hadn’t given me the best sex, and the only sex I’ve enjoyed, in years and years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 159

By Yuck - 11/10/2018 05:00

Today, I worked a 12-hour shift. Today my parents' cat also had diarrhoea. Rather than clean it up when said cat projectile shat all through my bed, they simply closed my door and left it for me. Since it's in my room, apparently it's my problem. They can't understand why I'm pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 243

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 153

You deserved it 42 027

Control freak

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 13:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, after over a month of planning, my friend had to cancel her first night out in over a year. Why? Because her "perfect" fiancé didn't want to, and started sulking when she tried to, so decided to put off letting her go out for a few more months. Apparently, it's my fault this happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 133

By CallmeEddie - 14/11/2013 16:44 - United States - Joliet

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 820

You deserved it 4 892

By dumped - 22/06/2019 01:18 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How? He invited my mother to his house for coffee with his parents, and told her. She then had to come home and tell me I’d been dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 116

By anonymous - 30/06/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 793

You deserved it 5 978

By must.not.itch. - 02/06/2012 23:25 - United States - Hayward

Today, on the bright side, my boobs grew a size. Unfortunately, this was only after bed bugs decided to attack my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 708

You deserved it 3 177

By handymandy - 19/01/2012 11:44 - United States

Today, we received our honeymoon itinerary. Our travel agent booked our flight to Punta Cana correctly. Too bad she booked us a hotel in Orlando, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 957

You deserved it 2 592

By driver - 25/11/2009 22:24 - New Zealand

Today, I went to start my truck that I had parked in my driveway after a longhaul. The fuel gauge indicated I had a full tank. I didn't fill up. My neighbours' son decided to fill the tank with water with a hose. 150 litres worth on top of diesel. His dad's response: "Kids eh, what ya gonna do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 515

You deserved it 2 629

By Anonymous - 24/09/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 806

You deserved it 2 650

By kris - 22/08/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 2 745

By Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 833

You deserved it 1 454

Signs

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 23:00

Today, it's been a year since I moved 200 km across the country to be closer to my boyfriend of 5 years and his kids. I got the keys to my flat and 3 days later the pandemic was a fact. Shouldn’t have ignored that sign. I’m single now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 108

By Noname - 15/03/2009 03:56 - United States

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 074

You deserved it 17 256

By PoorGal - 19/10/2015 18:04 - United States - New Orleans

Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 922

You deserved it 5 760

Innocence

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 11:01

Today, my mom mentioned that she doesn’t think she’s gonna let my baby sister believe in Santa. When I mentioned that I believed in Santa growing up, she casually replied with, "Yeah, well you were slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 106

Denied

By bl4ckk4t - 19/08/2021 08:01 - Australia - Morwell

Today, the guy I've been dating online for the last year and who I'm madly in love with blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 230

Horndog

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 08:01

Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 86

By summerbabe77 - 22/07/2012 03:58 - United States - Medford

Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 917

You deserved it 2 945

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quioxote 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:05

A guy was feeling up your butt and your response was to stomp on his foot...but only after the bus stopped? YDI

curryndricegirll 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:12

Why would you let him "feel your butt" long enough for him to steal your wallet?

itsame123_fml 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:04

lol wow first comment!!!!!!

itsame123_fml 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:04

lol wow first comment!!!!!!

joeyisinsane 0

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 23:19

jizz toenails

sportsmaniak13 3

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 5:36

actually second, but nice counting

samxoxoxolala 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:04

woowwwww

quioxote 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:05

A guy was feeling up your butt and your response was to stomp on his foot...but only after the bus stopped? YDI

yaldo_fml 0

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Friday 24 February 2012 17:42

Well she's an Israeli. No morals there.

Grenith 21

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Sunday 1 March 2015 0:30

It was probably as the bus was stopping that he started to feel her up.

kissicysun 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:05

sucks but you should've reacted sooner

chloelovestoswim 6

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Saturday 13 March 2010 15:43

obviously she liked it so shedidnt stop him ;) lmao

ejvlols 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:09

wow YDI. no seriously, why keep your wallet in your back pocket. keep it in a purse, or if ur a man then keep it somewhere inm your chest pocket

toaster468 0

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Monday 19 April 2010 5:45

I want to feel your butt.

FBIWarning 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:09

Must of liked it to allow him to do it for that long, YDI

youaresofucked 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:11

idiot

curryndricegirll 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:12

Why would you let him "feel your butt" long enough for him to steal your wallet?

mattmag 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 20:12

i never understood why people keep their wallet in their ass pockets. it's like begging to get robbed.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 139

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 111

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