Intimacy: Make it stop

Make it stop

By ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass - 25/05/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 212

You deserved it 5 514

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/07/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 067

You deserved it 3 887

By bitchasaurusrex - 15/02/2011 21:24 - Canada

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 485

You deserved it 3 415

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 96 427

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 811

You deserved it 37 513

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 851

You deserved it 11 965

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 15:49 - United States

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 115

You deserved it 2 660

Sinking feeling

By aftermath1991 - 03/09/2009 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 186

You deserved it 6 285

All figured out

By Toroka - 29/07/2016 18:59

Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 952

You deserved it 1 019

By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 675

You deserved it 5 202

By lobotomy pls - 11/09/2015 18:40 - United States - Tappahannock

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 390

You deserved it 4 515

MrJentipede 2

Monday 25 May 2009 16:04

Thanks for the heads up, mom.

mucrew 0

Monday 25 May 2009 16:05

you should have said "yea i agree"! and gotten into a deep discussion with her...so she'll feel really awkward too! haha

Comments

MrJentipede 2

Monday 25 May 2009 16:04

Thanks for the heads up, mom.

musicfanatic 0

Monday 25 May 2009 16:05

ooh, ouch! FYL, buddy, FYL. have fun sleeping!

farmgirl 3

Monday 25 May 2009 16:05

i wish my mom would talk to me more about that stuff!

matt5217 4

Monday 6 September 2010 1:16

no you dont

dotalover 15

Wednesday 8 January 2014 17:49

holy ****** shit tht hit about a 9.0 in my awkward comment meter

itstrishabtw 13

Sunday 23 March 2014 20:04

no, you really don't.

Pennypoo 0

Monday 25 May 2009 16:05

oh. my. god. fyl.

mucrew 0

Monday 25 May 2009 16:05

you should have said "yea i agree"! and gotten into a deep discussion with her...so she'll feel really awkward too! haha

hawxfighter_fml 0

Tuesday 23 March 2010 21:35

OP should just tell her mom to talk to her dad, that's the guy who needs to know this stuff lol

ryguy997 0

Thursday 3 June 2010 17:06

no op should have said "ok ok that's nice thanks stop talking."

alieileen966 0

Thursday 15 July 2010 21:29

agreed

fissionman1 0

Monday 25 May 2009 16:05

You poor poor (man?).

DaDezza244 31

Saturday 12 January 2013 10:10

OP is a woman.

MooKee 0

Monday 25 May 2009 16:06

Hah thanks mom.

FabuliciousGirly 0

Monday 25 May 2009 16:08

Oh wow.

Natradtasticx17 0

Monday 25 May 2009 16:08

ewww i hate when mom's talk about that haha

circayouandme 0

Monday 25 May 2009 16:09

AWKWAAAAAAAAAAARD.

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The Top

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 3 567

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 871

You deserved it 43 967

The Top

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 321

You deserved it 6 148

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he stopped brushing his teeth two days after we started dating. Tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 922

You deserved it 8 748

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 066

You deserved it 7 760

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 636

You deserved it 3 619

Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 1 430

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 830

You deserved it 3 166

Make it stop

Same thing different taste

Great chat!

Stop talking, stop talking now

Sinking feeling

All figured out

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