Love: Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about...

By smokecloud_ - 30/12/2013 21:38 - United States - Ashland

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 201

You deserved it 5 332

Love

Stop talking!

Once bitten…

College life is hell

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 17:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 561

You deserved it 3 591

By melonhead77 - 29/03/2012 11:46 - Cyprus

Today, I got so bored that I ordered my DVD drawer from awesomest to non-awesomest. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 888

You deserved it 6 809

By MoveOn! - 25/01/2017 20:00

Today, and at every family event, my parents and grandparents go on and on about my ex and how much they miss him and wish I would get back with him. This would be fine, rude, but fine, except that they tell this to my husband. It's been years and we're expecting our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 123

You deserved it 284

By LogicalMolly - 13/12/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 001

You deserved it 49 214

By Deety - 18/01/2017 08:11

Today, my psychologist broke up with me, professionally. It's alright though, she told me it's her, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 061

You deserved it 785

Great help

By got got - 30/01/2020 14:00

Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 239

You deserved it 287

Hot stuff

By Liam. - 01/02/2010 05:15 - France

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 624

You deserved it 51 870

By CollegeGrad - 25/04/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 694

You deserved it 16 905

By { o } - 22/03/2015 17:41 - United States - Miami

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 3 697

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 787

You deserved it 10 221

By Crotch_Rocket_Rider - 06/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 616

You deserved it 7 699

By yamuda - 11/05/2016 23:24 - Ireland - Carlow

Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 036

You deserved it 2 002

By Anonymous - 16/02/2015 06:01 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 846

You deserved it 2 529

By damn it rose - 31/05/2014 13:40 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 312

You deserved it 8 107

Underestimated overachiever

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 20:00

Today, I told my cousin I was admitted to a top MBA program. He asked if it was an online-only certificate program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 176

By Black Cat 13 - 04/09/2010 06:52 - United States

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 058

You deserved it 3 502

Father of the year

By Harvey knicks grandad - 10/02/2021 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 213

By fuck - 02/06/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 038

You deserved it 5 928

Almost done

By Anonymous - 16/01/2020 05:00

Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 05/01/2014 05:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 661

You deserved it 14 048

By RingofFire - 03/06/2016 23:23 - United States - Edenville

Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 212

You deserved it 1 737

Strange terminology

By Not true - 18/07/2016 02:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 301

You deserved it 1 732

By clip_kate - 01/07/2016 02:36

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 137

You deserved it 1 365

By Alexis - 26/08/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 047

You deserved it 3 218

By Anonymous - 31/03/2013 20:34 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 802

You deserved it 2 630

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 971

You deserved it 31 219

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 07:39 - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 179

You deserved it 5 949

Tasty!

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 060

You deserved it 3 665

It's just me

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 01:00

Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 022

You deserved it 306

What's that sound?

By Ihavethickthighs - 07/09/2017 16:00

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 548

You deserved it 551

Backwards world

By SilverRaven77 - 19/01/2021 23:01

Today, I was fired from my job for wearing a mask. The manager said I must have Covid, since I was the only one wearing a mask and following state mandated orders. I told him, "I'll see you in court!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 093

You deserved it 11 444

By stupid drunk bitch - 24/02/2016 18:37 - United States - Cobleskill

Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 460

You deserved it 5 440

By ikickgingers - 19/10/2011 16:49 - United States

Today, I found out my boss and some employees on my floor have bets placed on who can get the best picture of my ass. I found out when one of the pictures was accidentally sent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 518

You deserved it 4 048

By samaris - 08/07/2016 21:19

Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 243

You deserved it 1 160

By Zit-Blues - 04/01/2010 13:50 - United States

Today, I had a large pimple on my temple. I decided to try the whole "put toothpaste on the zit to make it dry up" technique that all the magazines say to do. Not only is my pimple still there, but the toothpaste irritated my skin and my already large pimple now appears three times bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 020

You deserved it 8 029

By awks - 01/10/2012 12:50 - United States - Stuart

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 214

You deserved it 5 917

By EastOneTen - 06/10/2012 07:28 - United States

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 247

You deserved it 3 500

By xoxoblondee - 25/02/2017 07:00 - United States - Valley Village

Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 216

You deserved it 1 150

By LucyLollipop - 03/01/2018 15:00

Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 775

You deserved it 775

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Top comments

dewberry2001 25

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:56

You may be the luckiest too. Never know.

Kamon97 23

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 7:29

See you had me until you mentioned the fucking patriots...

dewberry2001 25

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:56

You may be the luckiest too. Never know.

tomwantssnow 14

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 7:20

Not so lucky if they have different tastes, but I'd be glad to have a girlfriend who loved espn!

GigaPudding_fml 24

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 8:37

Not so lucky if he can't respect what she likes, she was watching the TV first and should not have had to change channel.

subiedude08 17

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 9:25

It's like your the dude and he's the chick

phatdaddy62 23

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 10:36

Man 59, you are incredibly observant!

crooklynkid 10

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 10:53

47, she clearly stated she gave him the remote, which basically means she gave him her permission to change the channel

ChevyRedneck85 13

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 12:51

There's a pretty good chance he might be gay

SThompson90 7

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 14:29

Men don't have to like sports to be a manly man, but Lifetime???.....

koztm 12

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:56

You are not alone!

Enslaved 36

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 10:40

"I am here with you Though we're far apart You're always in my heart"

adrianh1090 12

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:57

Were you watching baseball?

iLike2Teabag 27

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 7:20

There was a blooper reel where an outfielder lost a fly ball in the sun and the ball hit him in the face. I like seeing people take balls to the face.

giantsfan2010 23

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 7:29

It's not baseball season

Sal_G_63 5

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 11:23

@25 you must really love porn then, eh?

iLike2Teabag 27

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 12:04

Whoa there. Those are some wild accusations.

fabs1171 23

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 13:22

#25 - I'm loving your user name ;-)

Walk1ng_Trav3sty 8

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:57

Damn! Sounds like a true manly man you got there.

wRIPPERw 23

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:58

I'm a guy, and I like documentaries. My girlfriend likes Basketball. I don't. It's the same thing, almost. But I still like sports , at least. Go patriots, woo...

Kamon97 23

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 7:29

See you had me until you mentioned the fucking patriots...

cryssycakesx3 22

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 9:03

Tom Brady is not god.

Aubri244 11

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 9:15

Patriots for the super bowl fuck yeah!!

blurose 6

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 9:23

There is a difference between documentaries and Lifetime movies.

Sports_guy3 28

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 10:45

#56- Seahawks vs Broncos or Patriots for the Super Bowl

slickchrome 11

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 10:46

so what, my dad started watching lifetime movies since he stopped drinking, he also replaced alcohol with cookies and cake. ops bf might have a legit reason for acting like a girl..on her period. go broncos!

ThatFancyPenn 18

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 12:24

The patriots are the ones who had Babe Ruth, right?

ThatFancyPenn 18

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 12:25

Sorry, forgot to say that that was sarcasm. Gotta remember that some people can't take a joke.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 13:31

#75, you idiot, the Patriots play men's beach volleyball, Babe Ruth Zaharias was a female golfer who died before volleyball was invented. Duh.

marisol1125 9

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:58

Well this is new...

jonahwalzer 12

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:58

You could say you are the luckiest that you will never have to deal with him paying so much attention to sports:)

Paradoxxxx 16

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:58

haha what is this madness? I'll gladly watch espn with you :p

Azalorgm 7

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 6:59

There is a silver lining in everything, and it sound like he is quite mature. Good luck OP!

Zebediabolical 39

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 7:03

To be fair, ESPN can be pretty boring at times. And depending on the Lifetime movie, It's quite possible I'd change the channel too. Especially if it's the A DINGO ATE MY BABY! movie.