Miscellaneous: Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 69

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 1 122

07/12/2010 03:42

Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 469

You deserved it 5 411

Late term

Stop talking!

Another great day to be alive

22/02/2012 19:21

Spicy

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend of two years. I realized I was going to be late for work, so I asked him to hand me my underwear. I had never seen the underwear he gave me before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 026

You deserved it 3 848

Professional

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 17:01

Spicy

Today, I sent an email to a private escort, only to later realise that I sent it off my work email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 1 579

25/08/2016 13:00

Today, I was taking a shower in a hostel when the girl in the cubicle next to mine decided to blow her nose onto the shower floor. The water from her cubicle was flowing into mine and I ended up standing in a puddle of fresh watery snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 933

You deserved it 1 062

14/01/2014 21:09

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 064

You deserved it 4 357

29/03/2009 12:32

Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks: "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 252

You deserved it 11 614

01/04/2011 02:23

Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 097

You deserved it 75 408

28/04/2009 08:45

Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back and even bought them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I get repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 242

You deserved it 8 329

07/09/2012 09:50

Today, I announced to my family that I was going to start playing netball with my work colleagues. They all burst into fits of laughter at the thought of me doing physical activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 793

You deserved it 4 332

27/01/2015 15:09

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 450

You deserved it 3 532

13/06/2015 11:45

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 399

You deserved it 2 060

22/08/2011 07:38

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 091

You deserved it 4 360

25/06/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 413

30/06/2011 15:38

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 682

You deserved it 34 712

When pranking goes too far

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 20:01

Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 147

05/03/2015 22:26

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand the man due to his incoherent mumbling. I had to decline the job after asking him to repeat everything he said, over and over again. I still don't know exactly which job I declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 150

You deserved it 2 474

04/12/2013 02:03

Today, playing soccer, I jumped up to make a header and clear the ball away from our goal. I got the ball but some guy kicked me in the face. I was taken off. All the parents were horrified, saying how badly my nose must have broken. Turns out my nose was fine. That's just how my nose looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 771

You deserved it 3 118

09/03/2019 22:00

Today, we were taking a bio quiz and I understood the subject, so the people sitting behind me asked me to help them out. Being a kind fellow classmate, I did. When the teacher got suspicious, she asked the class, "How are all of you getting the same answers?" everyone pointed directly at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 3 231

04/12/2012 16:04

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 862

You deserved it 6 874

15/01/2018 17:30

Today, my father told me that because of my 4.0 with all AP classes, I could choose where to eat tonight. My stepmother told him I wanted to eat at IKEA, of all places, because that's what she wanted. Guess who he believed, and guess where I am right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 529

You deserved it 347

20/07/2009 05:54

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 181

You deserved it 85 032

The Gush

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 933

So Sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and I. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 759

You deserved it 1 104

18/06/2014 06:37

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 142

You deserved it 13 363

11/02/2013 20:58

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 948

You deserved it 3 829

11/02/2009 19:57

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 076

You deserved it 2 618

18/09/2015 14:43

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 977

You deserved it 1 780

28/04/2013 05:23

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 499

You deserved it 3 413

15/05/2009 15:18

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 629

You deserved it 13 947

17/01/2013 07:53

Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 247

You deserved it 30 240

13/11/2010 07:21

Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 225

You deserved it 37 439

01/09/2011 18:02

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 652

You deserved it 4 151

Weirdo

By ReineXre - 15/06/2016 00:00

Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 396

You deserved it 708

12/08/2013 23:58

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 166

You deserved it 5 188

Today, on Hoarders…

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 20:02

Today, my mom’s house is so dirty and cluttered, there's hardly any space left for actually living in it. Two months ago, she intended to finally organize and tidy up. Now, she's bought a trailer and is simply moving into that instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 64

23/08/2009 04:48

Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 148

You deserved it 16 988

15/03/2013 12:35

Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 043

You deserved it 33 651

28/06/2009 11:49

Today, I took a shower after I finished typing an important essay I've been working on for days. My computer illiterate mum shut the computer down when I was gone, without saving a thing. When I confronted her, she yelled at me for "wasting electricity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 139

You deserved it 64 870

20/01/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 724

01/11/2012 21:18

Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 359

You deserved it 8 860

22/05/2009 08:36

Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 997

You deserved it 2 858

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

Well, umm... Let's see, bright side, bright side, bright side... At least your cupcakes LOOK store-bought? Sorry, that's all I've got.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

Agree with #5. Even if my friend had bought the cupcakes and they were horrible, I'd still try to be nice about it for her having bought them for me.

Comments

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:02

12th!!!...wait what was the fml about???

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

Well, umm... Let's see, bright side, bright side, bright side... At least your cupcakes LOOK store-bought? Sorry, that's all I've got.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:32

Mabye she mistook sugar for salt... Looks don't make up for the inside.... Even cupcakes.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 18:15

I sure hope that's true in your case!

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:06

You've failed to fit into gender stereotypes. How sad.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:21

you fail

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:26

Hey, at least he said "stereotypes" instead of "roles". :D Always look on the bright si-de of life! Doo doo! ....No? Okay.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 21:51

Lmmfao

pronounciations 5

Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:07

friend's a douche

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:03

agreed

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 13:52

how? s/he was giving an opinion

XTheGiftedGametX 0

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Tuesday 14 August 2012 2:57

Ooor friend was telling truthful opinion and OP can't make cupcakes....

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:08

how hard is it to make a cupcake?? it's really not that hard, I mean I can do it so you should be able to also. I'm guessing you either can't read, or refuse to follow directions...

Qluz 3

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:10

brownie > cupcake :)

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:18

Not at all

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:22

I agree with #9. brownies are way better! ;)

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 13:05

Heh. THC. Heh heh.

RedPillSucks 31

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:27

Well, she didn't have any problems MAKING the cupcakes. There was just this small issue of taste. I wonder if OP had tasted them and came to a similar conclusion or not. Taste is subjective. OP if your tastebuds don't agree with your friend then screw her, otherwise you might want to brush up on that recipe and find out what went wrong.

WallyTheWombat 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:57

Brownies are definitely better. OP, next time ups put whipped cream into a cup and put some sprinkles on it. Claim it as a cupcake.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 18:56

How about brownies in the shape of a cupcake? With icing and sprinkles. Yes, by all means I should have diabetes by now.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 21:55

Diabetes is a winners disease

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 7:56

#51 ur hot o: ...sorry xD i cant make cupcakes,but i can make cookies:D

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:08

should cook her another and put laxatives in it that will teach her :)

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:17

agreed

MaximilianMarche 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:20

WIN^

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:09

not everyone has money for fancy "baking guides"

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:14

Maybe a cook isn't the best career choice for you.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:23

love ur pic ! lol I like what it stands for n it's funny/cute

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 17:44

#10, Fuck Off and Die!

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

then stop cooking. he gave two options.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

Agree with #5. Even if my friend had bought the cupcakes and they were horrible, I'd still try to be nice about it for her having bought them for me.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:28

and this is why people think they are way better at things than they actually are.