Love: Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30....

By joyful-not - 26/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 641

You deserved it 3 199

Love

BO Central

#1 Mom of the Year

Horn section

By well great. - 17/05/2013 22:28 - United States - Pascagoula

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 040

You deserved it 11 896

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 17:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 955

You deserved it 3 473

By raerae - 24/04/2009 07:25 - Germany

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 794

You deserved it 48 211

Keep it hidden

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 05:01

Today, I posted in one of my groups about my lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, and took a pic of my feet to show some of the problems that come along with these diseases (like we all do). Facebook actually covered it, saying it could be offensive! Well damn, talk about their double standards on bullying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 112

By K3you - 04/07/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 720

You deserved it 3 576

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 3 561

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 285

You deserved it 34 793

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 04:05 - United States - Racine

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 842

You deserved it 1 629

By Anonymous - 29/05/2016 05:05 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 164

You deserved it 1 497

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 16:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call about one of my applications. I wasn't able to answer it, but he left a voicemail. I've listened to it over and over, and I can't understand the contact information. He called from a restricted number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 624

You deserved it 1 923

By silent one - 12/09/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 216

You deserved it 3 002

By MarsMayFall - 12/09/2016 09:56 - United States

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 781

You deserved it 6 624

By TTR - 13/11/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 900

You deserved it 44 588

By bip - 15/12/2008 05:36 - France

Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 859

You deserved it 57 321

By moron - 28/05/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 296

You deserved it 3 715

By Anonyme - 22/06/2016 04:05

Today, my parents, who aren’t usually lenient, allowed me to have my boyfriend over. We started to cuddle, things got a little heated, but then my sister walks in and says, “You do my math homework, or I tell mom what you guys were doing.” I don’t remember middle school math being this hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 364

You deserved it 4 147

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 1 985

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 18:03 - Canada

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 775

You deserved it 5 998

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 903

You deserved it 12 124

By ashamed - 14/12/2014 02:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 051

You deserved it 3 223

By Anonymous - 26/08/2014 18:11 - Latvia - Riga

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 632

You deserved it 2 680

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 404

You deserved it 2 230

By Anonymous - 03/07/2009 19:56 - Canada

Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 131

You deserved it 3 854

By Jeanine - 29/05/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 663

You deserved it 5 686

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 08:49 - United States - Crestview

Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 319

You deserved it 5 174

By drunk under 18 teenager - 19/08/2014 13:37 - Morocco - Marrakech

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 057

You deserved it 50 127

By Anonymous - 04/11/2015 18:26 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 444

You deserved it 3 640

By foreveralone - 09/06/2015 15:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 2 210

By klsdhjla - 15/02/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 170

You deserved it 5 578

By Anonymous - 03/01/2009 16:48 - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 528

You deserved it 4 347

By bmaas - 17/03/2010 16:53 - United States

Today, I was playing volleyball in gym when I went up for a spike. As I was coming down, I elbowed a girl in the face. It turns she's the second most important lead in our school musical, which we perform on Thursday. Her nose is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 802

You deserved it 6 064

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 06:00

Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 196

By Junior - 26/01/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 617

You deserved it 2 941

By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 21:08 - United States - Woodridge

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 689

You deserved it 12 886

By what_a_loner - 17/11/2013 22:07 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 122

You deserved it 12 387

By Devin - 02/08/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I went to see a movie with 4 friends. I didn't realize that I was the only one who didn't have a date. The theater row had just enough room for everyone but me, I got to sit in back of everyone else while they were making out in front of me for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 019

You deserved it 5 936

By darkangel7410 - 22/06/2016 08:37 - United States - Lafayette

Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 434

You deserved it 2 575

By Ugh - 22/08/2017 23:15

Today, I got a job offer and was asked to come in at 5am for training. I sat there for about 2 hours before giving up. I was at the wrong site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 175

You deserved it 2 834

By Nickie809 - 17/09/2012 14:59 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 091

You deserved it 1 853

Brave

By :// - 04/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 374

You deserved it 5 830

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Top comments

Intoxicunt 5

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:54

Your sister had a failed marriage already by 30. You're jealous? Try holding out for someone decent. Anyone can just go around marrying everyone who will give them the time of day. That's nothing to envy.

nygrzg25 1

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:07

your sis gives better head?

nygrzg25 1

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:07

your sis gives better head?

Subtext 10

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:14

she has bigger boobs? Never hurts to analyse your strengths and weaknesses, y'know...

nygrzg25 1

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:20

Im more of a leg/ass person, gotta have a sweet jiggly ass to slap. Face doesnt hurt either.

Intoxicunt 5

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:28

Face can hurt...a lot. Have you never seen Paris Hilton? I know lots of people whose faces hurt.

ireply_w_lyrics 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:31

"...He’s on the dance floor yelling Freebird Singing off pitch but he knows every word Grabs him a girl and he holds on tight He’s chasing everything in sight..." Because when you're drunk, faces don't hurt

nonotme 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:39

I need a small, tight, pinchable ass and a decent chest to play with... but seriously, tell them to fuck off as its none of their goddamn business.

Intoxicunt 5

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:52

Well, since everyone is talking about the female body, I think I'll balance it out. I need some nice abs and pecs, a nice firm butt, gorgeous face, and of course the perfect, looooooong.... hair.

ireply_w_lyrics 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:59

Intoxicunt, that sounds like a guy (me), not a girl!!

Intoxicunt 5

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Monday 26 October 2009 10:02

Um, duhh? I did say I was balancing it out, as in posting my ideal male body to balance out the fact everyone was mentioning their ideal female body.

TenebrificTurtle 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 12:54

Intoxicunt, don't forget the back. I love a nice ass and back. He also has to have great... hands. I was going to say moves, but if we are building the perfect sex god guy then it would be implied he knows how to use what the good lord gave him. And if he looked like you said, then he is a good lord indeed.

Intoxicunt 5

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Monday 26 October 2009 14:12

Agreed! I'm mostly an abs and arms girl, personally, but the total package is best. And speaking of package, well, that goes without saying.

TenebrificTurtle 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 14:23

Mercy... it goes without saying, but not without praise. Depending on the quality of the package. If mine does not get delivered over night then I am a very grumpy girl.

Intoxicunt 5

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Monday 26 October 2009 14:31

Lmao. Let's have an orgy. Ok?

monster_tamer 11

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Monday 26 October 2009 21:12

^ THIS. Guys need long hair! 8D

TenebrificTurtle 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 22:35

Its like a romance novel.

Intoxicunt 5

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Monday 26 October 2009 22:43

My brother has long hair and could use a girlfriend. ;)

TenebrificTurtle 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 22:49

But does he look good in breeches, an unbuttoned shirt and take pictures for the cover of books standing in front of a fan with a scantily clad girl?

Intoxicunt 5

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 5:49

Nope. You got me there. Fabio is married though, I think.

ManUpFucker 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 2:03

Crap, I hope you girls keep this to yourself. I really don't like tight pants or long hair and if this is the new in thing I might have to apologize for making fun of Pride and Prejudice to my cousin.

ireply_w_lyrics 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:11

"...My heart has a history Of hurtin' those who mean the most to me Before you get too close to me I think you oughta know While other hearts are holdin' on While other loves are growin' strong My heart has a history of lettin' go..."

TenebrificTurtle 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 12:56

"Most relationships seem so transitory They're all good but not the permanent one Who doesn't long for someone to hold Who knows how to love you without being told Somebody tell me why I'm on my own If there's a soulmate for everyone.."

Cristaderzi 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:21

Dont feel bad I'm thirty years young and I have yet to to finf mr right...

halle_44 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:24

Its cool ur time will come....the first four answers are obviously from guys such pervs

Peroxide 3

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:31

We're not pervs, we just want you to show us ya tits

cmac86 23

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:36

welcome to my world.

FerrariCake 2

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:38

Maybe you can hook up with her first ex-husband... if you're into guys who cry when they get married.

gr3y_fml 1

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:41

So everyone at the wedding is surprised no one has married you. Sounds like a compliment, they should've saved their breath.

BeeSkwaird 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 17:47

It seems to say all the single people asked her. Weird.

Intoxicunt 5

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Monday 26 October 2009 9:54

judgeymcjudge 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 10:19

Seconded! Why the hell would you be jealous of a thirty year old for already being divorced? Two guys have cried over their vows? Big deal. Doesn't mean shit when one of them ended up not being able to stand her.

Tubasaurus 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 11:33

Agreed. OP has nothing to be ashamed of, only her sister does.

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Monday 26 October 2009 10:32

This requires me to quote a text from last night: "Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"" Yes, it is THAT important.