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I am the OP and am going to clarify the original post because in trying to keep to the letter limit, the tenses got confusing. I originally dated the brother "A" for a month and half. He has a very common last name. After we finally slept together he immediately went missing, which happened to be before I could meet a large portion of his family. Now 6 months later on a different blind date with brother "B" we were talking about respective families. Almost immediately the stories started to ring very familiar. He was telling a story about his brother who worked for him and it became abundantly clear that I had heard the same story only from a different perspective. Since there is a yuck factor with dating brothers and I am not really into creating family drama needlessly I am bowing out.

By anyomous - 26/06/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I bought tickets for my friends and me to go to a concert. While I was in the shower, they ditched me and took my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 902

You deserved it 4 448

Making a scene

By becca1417 - 01/09/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed, "Holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 778

You deserved it 45 407

Pubeblocked

By PubelishedAuthor - 15/03/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 771

You deserved it 33 361

By maryfaithh - 27/01/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 520

You deserved it 26 009

By newlywed - 27/02/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 084

You deserved it 13 479

By dani1104 - 29/01/2010 08:49 - United States

Today, my window fell out of the wall, landed on my head, and shattered. I waited 6 hours to get 23 stitches in the emergency room. When I got home, I found a bill. I owe my landlord $130 to replace the window. They won't fix it until I pay up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 886

You deserved it 2 311

dani1104 tells us more.

dani1104 0

Saturday 30 January 2010 1:47

So I'm not lying. The window repairman came today (after I paid $130) and said that some spring or something in the window frame was worn out. Boston had some very strong winds the day the window fell out, which pushed it out of the frame. I was on the floor doing a puzzle of Fenway Park if you needed to know.

News to me

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I was texting my friend. He has a history of depression, which we were talking about, and somehow, he turned the conversation to, "If we ever broke up, I would kill myself." I didn't even know we were even going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 270

You deserved it 3 008

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 04:03 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 676

You deserved it 6 240

Sexy

By Anonymous - 23/05/2014 02:36 - United States - Rockland

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 682

You deserved it 17 205

By PoorCar - 20/09/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 301

You deserved it 2 365

By Kendra_Nine - 16/01/2013 18:28 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 730

You deserved it 31 105

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 573

You deserved it 14 776

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 735

You deserved it 8 241

By HorcruxDelight73 - 26/05/2012 23:00 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice. When their car pulled up, I jumped in. It was really quiet, so I looked up, only to find I had gotten in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 325

You deserved it 10 689

HorcruxDelight73 tells us more.

HorcruxDelight73 3

Sunday 27 May 2012 8:55

This was actually my FML, everyone. No, it wasn't a pedophile, THANK GOD. It was a couple, and they said "Umm...can we help you?" and I was like, "Sorry! I thought you were my friends!" Then got out awkwardly. They had the same car. It wasn't my fault.

By JacktheRussian - 08/04/2013 00:33 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 42 466

By crashingdown - 29/05/2010 05:28 - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 101

You deserved it 14 597

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 3 603

By creedonfied - 06/11/2012 20:27 - United States - Billerica

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 329

You deserved it 2 998

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 358

You deserved it 2 670

By iliveintexas - 01/09/2012 14:09 - United States - Tyler

Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 858

You deserved it 1 861

iliveintexas tells us more.

iliveintexas 0

Friday 7 September 2012 4:39

Hey everyone, in case you're wondering, I have NOT sprayed the nests yet (my dad has informed me there are around 10 nests), but I will be sure to record it, because I am an idiot. PS: Thank you all for the helpful comments, I am aware that I should wear long pants and a long shirt. However (for my favorite comment), in Texas, it is hard to find a cheap steel-forged suit of armor, as well as to craft one. More soon, David (iliveintexas, and author of this FML)