Miscellaneous: Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of...

By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 087

You deserved it 30 337

Miscellaneous

Mistaken identity

Sorry Nana

The bitch is back

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 01:44 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 351

You deserved it 27 843

That shirt is FIRE!

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my shirt caught on fire when I was burning paper for my ancestors at the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 337

By looking - 25/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 326

You deserved it 17 598

By Elizabeth - 09/01/2009 11:40 - United States

Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 420

You deserved it 26 569

By Anonymous - 27/12/2012 22:54 - Australia

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 091

You deserved it 3 131

By afather - 14/06/2015 13:41 - United States - Worthing

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 281

You deserved it 6 505

By Anonymous - 13/04/2013 00:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 481

You deserved it 18 410

By IHateBeingAStudent - 12/02/2012 09:43

Today, a little girl I give horse-riding lessons to told me she had saved up $8.00 for her own pony. I laughed and thought how cute she was, then realized that was more than I have in my own savings account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 211

You deserved it 12 663

By TCRII - 13/06/2018 15:52

Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 427

You deserved it 371

By carwife - 21/08/2010 04:13 - Canada

Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 530

You deserved it 7 610

By boreed - 27/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 973

You deserved it 4 368

By fatman - 10/08/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 622

You deserved it 11 490

By ALLALA - 04/04/2009 23:34 - Canada

Today, my husband and I were watching TV. An info-mercial came on for a diamond cross necklace that had the lord's prayer engraved inside of it. As the commercial ended I said, "who in their right mind would actually buy that?" Turns out, my husband would, for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 862

You deserved it 24 328

By arace15336 - 22/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 730

You deserved it 5 108

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 04:23 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 357

You deserved it 5 467

By Anonymous - 09/08/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 473

You deserved it 3 146

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 671

You deserved it 4 472

By Battlebarney - 22/09/2016 10:58 - United States - Washington

Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 421

You deserved it 1 938

By trustyourfamily - 14/09/2015 22:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 957

You deserved it 2 256

By Anonymous - 23/11/2009 09:54 - United States

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 722

You deserved it 38 694

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 272

You deserved it 79 572

By Angry and Confused - 29/06/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 050

You deserved it 2 942

By singingintherain - 01/07/2017 20:00

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 868

You deserved it 679

By Laloose - 26/12/2008 07:53 - France

Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 973

You deserved it 28 135

By Anonymous - 10/05/2015 12:16 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend's mum publicly shamed him on Facebook after she caught him having sex under her roof today. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except me. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm over 300 miles away right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 183

You deserved it 2 484

By Nicholasand - 23/11/2009 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it's now 1pm in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 144

You deserved it 60 760

By apparentfatty - 11/11/2011 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 250

You deserved it 7 111

By Shianna - 28/05/2012 22:00 - United States - Holden

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 003

You deserved it 13 631

By StinkyDogs - 27/03/2011 10:06 - United States

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 642

You deserved it 11 216

By ohno. - 19/08/2009 08:44 - Canada

Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 375

You deserved it 5 668

By bride2be - 14/02/2011 02:22 - United States

Today, I received my first wedding present in the mail. I opened it immediately and called the sender to say thanks. She yelled at me for opening it and, because she shipped it to me by mistake, requested it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 842

You deserved it 3 365

By lily - 18/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was about to kiss my boyfriend in a courtyard when a soccer ball hit me in the head, hard. My boyfriend remarked that it made a "hollow sound" when it hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 177

By facepalm - 06/06/2012 08:06 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 3 032

By Anonymous - 02/01/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only part of my body that has had a reduction in size from changing my diet and working out isn't my stomach or my thighs but my already undersized breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 275

You deserved it 3 265

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 099

You deserved it 3 886

By parenting sucks - 01/07/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 520

You deserved it 5 337

Break a leg

By Anonymous - 30/12/2021 05:01

Today, like every other day of my life, I have hypermobility. I had an important dress and tech rehearsal for a production due to start tomorrow. Guess what day my ankle decided to give out midway down a flight of stairs, leaving my foot rapidly swelling… FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 75

By naps aren't what they used to be - 27/04/2013 22:05 - United States

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 036

You deserved it 25 898

By zaneey - 17/01/2009 18:41 - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 660

You deserved it 42 623

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 201

You deserved it 6 387

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Top comments

FATSQUIRELL69 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:23

lmfao hahah your dad is funny, hes just probably joking around, most parents do that

breenntt 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:23

lmao. this made my day.

mahimalil 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:22

poor u must suck

sam_08_fml 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:51

Truth hurts OP but that's life for ya. Get over it!!!

gabdogg 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 17:37

haha

Britney_0 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 19:10

lol funny dad fyl

sloppyflow 1

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Sunday 17 October 2010 20:31

op dad is the coolest dude I ever heard

st0815 9

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Sunday 17 October 2010 23:42

Well, it was definitely a sucky gift. No thought at all what his dad might like, no money and no effort spent, and to top it of the implication that his dad makes many big mistakes. Who wouldn't love a gift like that? OP: rather than whining about this on FML - spend some thought on a proper gift to make it up to your dad.

stephanie0613 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 8:03

Ummm does anybody know how to take a joke now a days? Ughhh.

yucayucatan 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 10:56

are you kidding? his dad is AWESOME !

Person000 0

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Sunday 21 November 2010 7:42

so you wanted him to take a joke, but when he did the exact same thing you, you go crying on fml about it?

mahimalil 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:12

✯ *./ * .* .*♫*. , • '*♥* ' • , '*• ♫♫♫•*' ' *, • ' ♫ ' • ,* ' ' * • ♫ *♥* ♫• * ' * , • Merry' • , * ' * ' •♫♫*♥*♫♫ • ' * ' ' ' • Christmas . • ' ' ' ' ' • ♫♫♫*♥*♫♫♫• * ' ' .x♥x

FATSQUIRELL69 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:23

lmfao hahah your dad is funny, hes just probably joking around, most parents do that

Mesocoollike 8

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Sunday 17 October 2010 17:22

And if he's not?

iGreen_Day 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 17:54

OP, you walked right in to that one. ydi for not seeing it coming

LosAngelesSon 8

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Sunday 17 October 2010 18:14

damn op get a sense of humor and move on!

SteamySecrets 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 18:44

lol..that's hilarious. You got owned and disowned

SummerGirl331 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 18:55

my sister has one of those and I did the same too her, but I was joking, and she knew I was. it was really funny though. haha and op don't worry about it :)

breenntt 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:23

lmao. this made my day.

yourWIFEandKIDS 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:23

Ouch.

Perversive 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 17:49

Chelsea Grin :D.

anorexicbarbie 8

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Sunday 17 October 2010 19:02

Or a Glasgow smile. :)

Anextase 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 20:26

51- the bands name is Chelsea Grin. :)

freaky592 2

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Monday 18 October 2010 7:41

personally I think she kinda deserves it for being such a cheapo and buying her dad a gift from the dollar store.... yes, Thad where you buy them.

baltomushishi 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:24

haha thats actually kinda funny . i bet he was just giving u a hard time

TheSofaKing 7

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:25

I guess that YOU are the big mistake. Pop got you good.

dwold91 3

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Friday 22 October 2010 7:44

Thanks for that.. None of us would understand this FML without this comment.

shaunosullivan11 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 16:27

lol, OP, he was probably just joking around... don't take it to heart.. and if he wasn't... don't be sad, you too can make a mistake of your own one day