Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 189

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 122

20/07/2011 22:17

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 347

You deserved it 2 621

Miscellaneous

Stop talking!

BO Central

Join in the fun

14/04/2009 08:51

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 117

You deserved it 9 256

01/06/2011 05:43

Today, my girlfriend and I were driving to a costume party. On the way, we got into an argument and she kicked me out of her car. I had to walk around the city center in an Iron Man outfit trying to find the party venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 478

You deserved it 9 431

18/07/2009 06:03

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 901

You deserved it 51 485

14/01/2013 05:52

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 829

You deserved it 3 473

20/06/2011 08:12

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 848

You deserved it 15 246

02/03/2013 18:32

Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 490

You deserved it 48 088

11/09/2018 22:00

Today, while delivering pizza, a customer got mad at me and accused me of not having a GPS, then cussed me out and hung up. The address he gave me was a parking lot with 6 cars, none of which were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 700

You deserved it 145

23/11/2009 01:35

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 037

You deserved it 29 470

08/09/2013 23:20

Today, my 16-year-old daughter burned all her baby photos because they were unflattering and made her "look fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 355

You deserved it 4 408

25/03/2011 03:36

Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 606

You deserved it 9 705

12/02/2019 12:25

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 184

You deserved it 10 757

18/03/2009 03:40

Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 855

You deserved it 61 941

* backs away slowly *

By tima - 27/06/2018 01:30

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 844

You deserved it 850

12/08/2013 18:54

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 552

You deserved it 7 006

01/03/2010 01:53

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 665

You deserved it 2 431

23/11/2014 12:52

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 248

You deserved it 2 970

27/03/2011 01:28

Today, after 3 years at my job I received a 14% raise. I was informed I will be transitioned from hourly to salary. I will now be making $1500 LESS than I made last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584

You deserved it 3 344

02/09/2015 15:41

Today, I finally got the results of months of extensive psychological testing to determine why I did so well in my course but performed so terribly on the job. Turns out I'm autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 873

You deserved it 1 745

30/07/2010 04:40

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 031

You deserved it 33 390

10/10/2009 17:53

Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 969

You deserved it 2 909

22/06/2012 16:14

Today, my new roommate woke me up at noon to bitch about my "selfish sleeping habits" and how they ruin her ability to invite anyone over. I work the graveyard shift at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 228

You deserved it 2 084

Parenting is exhausting

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2015 05:43

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 218

You deserved it 2 858

23/08/2013 07:40

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 791

You deserved it 10 499

24/01/2011 19:43

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 584

You deserved it 4 795

Jog on

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 10:59

Today, my husband told me that the only reason he took up jogging 4 years ago was because my mother moved in next door to us and he knew it would kill my sex drive. We haven’t had sex in 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 454

27/07/2011 04:50

Today, I learned it's best not to piss off your mom when she's cutting your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 289

You deserved it 42 226

20/04/2009 06:27

Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 555

You deserved it 7 937

16/11/2010 01:54

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 471

You deserved it 6 512

22/04/2013 13:22

Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 182

You deserved it 3 759

23/07/2014 00:43

Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 682

You deserved it 3 939

01/06/2012 14:29

Today, I had so much to do, I didn't know where to start. So I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 980

You deserved it 46 562

10/04/2015 18:04

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 491

You deserved it 2 634

22/10/2011 13:25

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 440

You deserved it 64 272

15/04/2017 19:00

Today, I re-sat an expensive exam I'd flunked 6 months previously. The same impossible multiple choice questions appeared, which I'd been unable to find the answers to, even with all my textbooks and the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 255

You deserved it 746

21/02/2009 07:34

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 103

You deserved it 58 179

A lot on my plate

By BrokeAndLonely - 26/07/2021 15:01

Today, after seven months of job-searching, I got another rejection. This is after a breakup, a job loss, the deaths of my grandfather and best friend, tax issues, 3 years of dealing with a severe phobia, family issues, and a pandemic. Plus, now I can't buy the flat I fell in love with. Someone up there hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 124

09/06/2009 13:36

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 474

You deserved it 5 683

24/07/2012 18:33

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 333

You deserved it 3 071

17/11/2010 03:43

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 940

You deserved it 57 523

05/05/2011 03:30

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 434

You deserved it 4 891

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Top comments

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:10

gtm: grand theft mailbox

topdawg255 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:06

thats y u install brick mailbox

Comments

topdawg255 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:06

thats y u install brick mailbox

The_Weirdo 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:08

That's why you put bombs in your mail box.

Iamnotmyself 17

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:10

Thad why I hide a midget in there. Haven't fed him in a while though...

TheRealBruce 12

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:11

hey 3 have you seen the butterfly effect bombs and mailboxes don't mix

x_KL_x 7

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

#3 I think people have FAR greater concerns than stealing your mailbox.

Mr_Saikaly 35

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:34

What would anyone benefit from stealing mailbox?

littlemissFYL 5

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:40

"You Got Mail." haha I'm just messing with ya, your mailbox was stolen :-)

AuburnBoi17 5

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:42

7 best comment ever

zekecastro 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 10:24

how can you rip a mailbox? lol is it made of paper :P

PDeffinP 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 10:27

yes it's was made of paper..if that man hadn't "ripped it" the rain would have gotten it for sure.

TheRealHouse 7

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Thursday 21 July 2011 11:49

At least he didn't "Verizon" away with it

EpicPear 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 12:20

^ Do you mean "Sprint"?

dolphincheddar 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 14:39

I guess he really wanted the falice you ordered

TheRealHouse 7

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Thursday 21 July 2011 14:45

EpicPear, OP said they did "sprint" away with it. That's why I said Verizon it's not everyday you see a (T) Mobile mailbox :)

EpicPear 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 15:25

^ Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make you look bad. :3

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Thursday 21 July 2011 16:56

This guy takes stealing other people's mail way too seriously.

_Oblivion_ 12

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Thursday 21 July 2011 17:11

51 Go back to Mexico along with your unhumorous comments, we dont need your stupidity.

poy2x 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 17:42

they get a mailbox

rogergraton 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 18:11

a mail box for free. no?

kellanlvr 1

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Thursday 21 July 2011 18:20

maybe someone stole his mailbox..so now you must go steal someone else's!

knightsfb 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 7:22

now you have an excuse for not paying your bills...

iPoopMusic 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 7:40

I wonder what the president puts in his mailbox.

Happismiley2010 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 11:03

noooo

cookie_3008 4

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:08

Well, how do you think it worked?? ^_^ ..(8)"WAIT!! ...wait a minute Mr.Postman!! (8)"

BeatlesObsessed 12

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

Beatlesss.?

cookie_3008 4

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:17

*nodding* Oooh yeaaahh... =)

cookie_3008 4

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:21

Although I think it might be "STOP!" first.. LOL *sighs*.. oh well.

BeatlesObsessed 12

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:22

That wasn't supposed to be a question mark, it was supposed to be a heart! Oh well. :)

maliki32 7

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:09

must've been one nice mailbox lol

sandyandellie 5

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Friday 22 July 2011 5:59

okay, that made me laugh. :)

newlove_fml 0

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Friday 20 January 2012 4:32

That's a nice mailbox you have there. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it.

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:10

gtm: grand theft mailbox

atthegates 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 5:39

good morning sir. enjoy the next 30 years wondering why someone would do this.

TheNeonDuckie 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 11:13

OP should file a police report! OP: " Hi, I'd like to report a stolen mailbox" Police Operator: " Ma'am, can you please describe the mailbox"

LemonBlue 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:11

poor guy probably just wanted to go mailbox smashing...he just couldn't afford a bat

Wandering_Ninja 8

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:21

or a car

The_Weirdo 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:25

Or a life.

HeavyScout 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 10:20

Or a (insert witty comment here)

TheRealHouse 7

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Thursday 21 July 2011 11:52

Or a witty comment

YaboyVinnie 21

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Hacking goes real life.

hannahtaskey 9

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Makes me wonder what was in the mailbox...

skye_343 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:39

The very secret of life, obviously.

TheRealHouse 7

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Thursday 21 July 2011 11:54

Everyone knows the answer is 42. the question is.. what is the ultimate question?

Beebow_fml 5

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Yes, next time grab a brick from your bed and run after him.

odi_et_amo 4

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

Worded very similarly to the FML about the person finding their cat dead on their lawn...

JenDanielle917 13

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

You've got mail, oh damn...

DKjazz 20

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Thursday 21 July 2011 15:46

You've got fail.