Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked...

By cheddar - 20/7/2011 22:17 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

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33305

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Miscellaneous

Family values

KoBabe

Buzzing the tower

By jshum - 13/9/2016 15:02 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

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13119

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1916

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

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18483

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39311

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By MissQ - 20/6/2020 17:01

That's a great look!

Today, I was trying to learn how to whistle. On the elevator ride up to my room, I was experimenting with tongue placement and mouth position. At the height of my facial contortions and probable spitting, the elevator doors opened to reveal the guy I've been crushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1040

You deserved it

545

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By Hoobfoob - 19/6/2017 04:00

Today, my car was totaled. It was so new, I haven't even made the first payment on it yet. FML

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4595

You deserved it

563

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By moopymoplady - 29/11/2011 00:44 - Canada

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

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29194

You deserved it

5604

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By Tim - 7/8/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

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31619

You deserved it

3348

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By Tiak - 30/3/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML

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86051

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16691

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By Ari - 8/9/2018 23:30

Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML

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2760

You deserved it

347

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2010 03:06 - United States

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

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22975

You deserved it

4276

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By Ribonuke211 - 12/8/2020 02:02

Territorial pissings

Today, I was menaced by a shirtless crackhead with an aluminum bat for, "parking in the wrong parking lot" - not parking spot, parking LOT - while delivering pizza to one of many nearby apartment buildings. I'm not allowed to carry a weapon to defend myself, unless I wanna shell out $75 for a Mag flashlight. FML

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1249

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By whoanoa - 10/3/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24345

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3192

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By spaz - 14/3/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30824

You deserved it

13658

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2018 15:00

Today, my stepmother proved once again that she likes to play favourites. She has no job, so anything she gifts comes from my dad’s account. On my last birthday, I got £5 on a cheap card. Today, my step-brother's birthday, he got £400 and an iPad. He’s 4 years old. FML

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4355

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221

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By Late marriage - 24/8/2017 14:00 - Australia

Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception. Later, when I asked him why, he said, "I was playing Legend of Zelda and had to finish my quest." He thinks this is an eligible excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3905

You deserved it

924

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By Animal_aide - 7/1/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31914

You deserved it

2943

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By heartbroken - 8/2/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, after a huge heartbreak and a night of crying, I wake up to an empty house. I go in the kitchen to make breakfast and see a note on the counter saying "We heard you crying last night and didn't want to hear you complaining this morning, so we went to the mall. -Mom" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42393

You deserved it

8327

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

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34635

You deserved it

3487

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By anonymous - 5/4/2012 21:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

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7629

You deserved it

28758

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By FireoftheFuture - 2/5/2013 11:02 - United States

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

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30886

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By Depressed - 14/7/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41960

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3566

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By crushed - 23/5/2020 02:00

What about me?

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

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1572

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221

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2013 22:38 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

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31332

You deserved it

3273

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2013 15:13 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML

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52256

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13642

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By thewhompingwillow - 1/9/2012 17:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38658

You deserved it

11850

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By humanshield - 10/4/2016 16:49 - United States - Rockland

Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML

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20150

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5087

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By thesmartone - 21/6/2012 03:44 - United States

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

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25911

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4807

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By haley - 16/11/2018 14:00

Today, while in a parking lot, I accidentally cut someone off out of pure nervousness as I'm a new driver. I got out of my car to apologize, and they responded by beating me and my car to a pulp with a baseball bat. FML

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3405

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426

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By lhazel - 17/9/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

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23137

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2053

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By not living happily ever after - 2/12/2014 17:02 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I deleted a load of junk that was messing up my mother's computer. I don't know how I'm going to tell her I accidentally wiped out all of her wedding photos. FML

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23407

You deserved it

31309

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

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29779

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2453

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 02:31 - United States

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

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36206

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By Rejected - 3/10/2016 16:00 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I told my wife that she gets 100% of me and I keep nothing from her. She told me she doesn't want it and that I should get counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10594

You deserved it

1250

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By good job bf - 11/1/2013 04:06 - United States - Southampton

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

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49055

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2869

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By wowawesome - 18/7/2019 16:00

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1442

You deserved it

325

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:19 - Australia - Perth

Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML

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15375

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2012 23:19 - United States - Topeka

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

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24347

You deserved it

1724

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By Chels - 4/12/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I had an elderly man come to my cash register. His total came to $15.50 He handed me $5 in nickels and dimes. A full roll of quarters. Before I could take the roll, he bust it open, making me count it. After that was all counted he was 50 cents short. So he handed me a $10 bill. FML

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40002

You deserved it

2922

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By Triple F - 7/3/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML

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23021

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40131

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By oface13 - 16/4/2012 08:12 - United States

Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54073

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By Ava777 - 20/2/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

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11722

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59424

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Top comments

By BIEBERSLAYER | 10

#2943677 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:10

gtm: grand theft mailbox

By topdawg255 | 0

#2943654 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:06

thats y u install brick mailbox

COMMENTS

By topdawg255 | 0

#2943654 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:06

thats y u install brick mailbox

The_Weirdo | 10

#2943665 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:08

That's why you put bombs in your mail box.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2943679 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:10

Thad why I hide a midget in there. Haven't fed him in a while though...

TheRealBruce | 12

#2943684 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:11

hey 3 have you seen the butterfly effect bombs and mailboxes don't mix

x_KL_x | 7

#2943698 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

#3 I think people have FAR greater concerns than stealing your mailbox.

Mr_Saikaly | 35

#2943900 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:34

What would anyone benefit from stealing mailbox?

littlemissFYL | 5

#2943936 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:40

"You Got Mail."
haha I'm just messing with ya, your mailbox was stolen :-)

AuburnBoi17 | 5

#2943957 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:42

7 best comment ever

zekecastro | 0

#2944165 - Thursday 21 July 2011 10:24

how can you rip a mailbox? lol is it made of paper :P

PDeffinP | 0

#2944184 - Thursday 21 July 2011 10:27

yes it's was made of paper..if that man hadn't "ripped it" the rain would have gotten it for sure.

TheRealHouse | 7

#2944406 - Thursday 21 July 2011 11:49

At least he didn't "Verizon" away with it

EpicPear | 0

#2944481 - Thursday 21 July 2011 12:20

^ Do you mean "Sprint"?

dolphincheddar | 10

#2944818 - Thursday 21 July 2011 14:39

I guess he really wanted the falice you ordered

TheRealHouse | 7

#2944827 - Thursday 21 July 2011 14:45

EpicPear, OP said they did "sprint" away with it. That's why I said Verizon
it's not everyday you see a (T) Mobile mailbox :)

EpicPear | 0

#2944933 - Thursday 21 July 2011 15:25

^ Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make you look bad. :3

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2945410 - Thursday 21 July 2011 16:56

This guy takes stealing other people's mail way too seriously.

_Oblivion_ | 12

#2945492 - Thursday 21 July 2011 17:11

51 Go back to Mexico along with your unhumorous comments, we dont need your stupidity.

poy2x | 0

#2945671 - Thursday 21 July 2011 17:42

they get a mailbox

rogergraton | 0

#2945845 - Thursday 21 July 2011 18:11

a mail box for free. no?

kellanlvr | 1

#2945883 - Thursday 21 July 2011 18:20

maybe someone stole his mailbox..so now you must go steal someone else's!

knightsfb | 0

#2949300 - Friday 22 July 2011 7:22

now you have an excuse for not paying your bills...

iPoopMusic | 0

#2949370 - Friday 22 July 2011 7:40

I wonder what the president puts in his mailbox.

Happismiley2010 | 0

#3001022 - Saturday 30 July 2011 11:03

noooo

By cookie_3008 | 4

#2943662 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:08

Well, how do you think it worked?? ^_^
..(8)"WAIT!! ...wait a minute Mr.Postman!! (8)"

BeatlesObsessed | 12

#2943738 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

Beatlesss.?

cookie_3008 | 4

#2943759 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:17

*nodding* Oooh yeaaahh... =)

cookie_3008 | 4

#2943812 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:21

Although I think it might be "STOP!" first.. LOL *sighs*.. oh well.

BeatlesObsessed | 12

#2943817 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:22

That wasn't supposed to be a question mark, it was supposed to be a heart! Oh well. :)

By maliki32 | 7

#2943672 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:09

must've been one nice mailbox lol

sandyandellie | 5

#2948974 - Friday 22 July 2011 5:59

okay, that made me laugh. :)

newlove_fml | 0

#3912264 - Friday 20 January 2012 4:32

That's a nice mailbox you have there. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it.

By BIEBERSLAYER | 10

#2943677 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:10

gtm: grand theft mailbox

atthegates | 0

#2948889 - Friday 22 July 2011 5:39

good morning sir. enjoy the next 30 years wondering why someone would do this.

TheNeonDuckie | 0

#2950928 - Friday 22 July 2011 11:13

OP should file a police report!

OP: " Hi, I'd like to report a stolen mailbox"

Police Operator: " Ma'am, can you please describe the mailbox"

By LemonBlue | 0

#2943680 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:11

poor guy probably just wanted to go mailbox smashing...he just couldn't afford a bat

Wandering_Ninja | 8

#2943810 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:21

or a car

The_Weirdo | 10

#2943846 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:25

Or a life.

HeavyScout | 0

#2944139 - Thursday 21 July 2011 10:20

Or a (insert witty comment here)

TheRealHouse | 7

#2944410 - Thursday 21 July 2011 11:52

Or a witty comment

By YaboyVinnie | 20

#2943688 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Hacking goes real life.

By hannahtaskey | 9

#2943690 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Makes me wonder what was in the mailbox...

skye_343 | 0

#2943929 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:39

The very secret of life, obviously.

TheRealHouse | 7

#2944416 - Thursday 21 July 2011 11:54

Everyone knows the answer is 42. the question is.. what is the ultimate question?

By Beebow_fml | 5

#2943704 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Yes, next time grab a brick from your bed and run after him.

By odi_et_amo | 4

#2943732 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

Worded very similarly to the FML about the person finding their cat dead on their lawn...

By JenDanielle917 | 13

#2943746 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

You've got mail, oh damn...

DKjazz | 20

#2944992 - Thursday 21 July 2011 15:46

You've got fail.