Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked...

By cheddar - 20/7/2011 22:17 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

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33288

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Miscellaneous

DINOSAURS!!

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 24/9/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML

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41676

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By sandy - 17/3/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was completely naked in my boyfriend's bed. Suddenly his mom yelled that she was coming in so that she could get to the attic. I pulled a blanket up to my neck, hoping she would think I was cold. She had to step over my bra and panties on her way to the attic. FML

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22077

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90399

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By Dave - 19/12/2018 18:00

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

1981

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607

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2019 12:00

Today, my older, temporary coworker comments every time I yawn, sneeze, cough, leave my desk to use the restroom, and on what I eat at lunch, laughing the whole time. It’s driving me crazy. Only 8 more weeks. FML

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1887

You deserved it

139

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By reallyupset - 29/11/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML

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32849

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3521

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By JT - 26/9/2015 13:08 - Luxembourg

Today, after my sister's wedding, a bunch of people were dancing. I noticed my grandma sitting alone and looking sad. My grandpa died last month, so feeling bad for her, I asked if she'd like to dance with me. She seemed a lot happier, until I accidentally caused her to fall and break her arm. FML

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28668

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By Unknown - 7/7/2011 15:12 - United States

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

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51191

You deserved it

27409

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By ...... - 16/5/2012 22:29 - United States

Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML

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18396

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32057

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 08:25 - United States

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9090

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68005

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By CouldBeALoser - 17/9/2016 18:26 - United States - West Tehama County

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12818

You deserved it

1057

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By 1DisGR8 - 14/11/2018 13:30

Today, while writing a midterm, my period came unexpectedly. Too bad my male professor was the one to notice and not me. FML

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2846

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166

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By Kilimanjaro - 3/4/2012 04:41 - France

Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23952

You deserved it

6000

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By Greg - 28/10/2013 21:53 - United States - Livonia

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

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49082

You deserved it

3266

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML

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35217

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7406

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By kisyfrot - 18/12/2008 03:38 - France

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15225

You deserved it

26945

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By tsakashvili - 26/5/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

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59707

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18854

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 23:00

Sibling rivalry

Today, I found out my dad gets my younger brother a Big Gulp from 7/11 every time he mows the yard. I mowed for three years straight and never got anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1242

You deserved it

142

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By Ummm - 3/8/2016 19:45 - United States - Wheaton

Today, I was on a second date with a guy. Things got a little handsy and he pulled down his pants to reveal a micro-penis. He then smiled and asked me to be his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19902

You deserved it

2837

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By leelee50 - 10/2/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

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45009

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9526

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By silverspud - 13/6/2015 01:22 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

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34170

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By suhleedah18 - 24/4/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24737

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4950

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By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 21/9/2019 20:00

Mixed signals

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2014

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130

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By SpanishInFrenchClass - 6/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

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29658

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5392

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By Nightshade823 - 10/11/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML

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13197

You deserved it

1077

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By itssdianaa - 29/6/2010 03:18 - United States

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

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11900

You deserved it

27781

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By indecentcameraexposure - 5/9/2009 21:14 - Canada

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

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8895

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47865

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By whut - 23/12/2014 20:58 - United States

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

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30064

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3046

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By lovedoesnotexist - 24/9/2015 11:52 - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

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37340

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1916

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By thedoc - 15/7/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56350

You deserved it

6907

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By CassieMarieee - 10/12/2011 06:28 - United States

Today, I had to jump into my car while it was still moving. Apparently, just because you put it in park and turn it off, doesn't mean it won't take off towards a ditch without warning. FML

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24921

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8776

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML

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31141

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By Sky - 25/7/2018 01:30

Today, since my parents always told me that I was welcome to come home whenever I want or need, I decided to stop by. They'd changed the locks and wouldn't let me in. FML

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3380

You deserved it

298

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By nsJ - 15/7/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

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49971

You deserved it

3509

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2012 05:21 - United States

Today, my oven decided that it was going to lock and clean itself right in the middle of cooking my steaks. FML

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31537

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2017 12:00

Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML

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3595

You deserved it

355

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By library book - 10/7/2014 05:27 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I went to the public library for the first time ever. The librarian told me I couldn't get a library card because I had an outstanding balance of $130.00 from 1995. I was born in 1991. FML

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51948

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By b.fritz - 24/9/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

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15588

You deserved it

1165

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By catlady - 9/1/2012 16:56 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my anniversary. I've been a single cat-lady for exactly one year. FML

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30678

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2012 11:18 - United States

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

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26750

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By Foxy - 10/1/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

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23505

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Top comments

By BIEBERSLAYER | 10

#2943677 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:10

gtm: grand theft mailbox

By topdawg255 | 0

#2943654 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:06

thats y u install brick mailbox

Comments

By topdawg255 | 0

#2943654 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:06

thats y u install brick mailbox

The_Weirdo | 10

#2943665 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:08

That's why you put bombs in your mail box.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2943679 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:10

Thad why I hide a midget in there. Haven't fed him in a while though...

TheRealBruce | 12

#2943684 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:11

hey 3 have you seen the butterfly effect bombs and mailboxes don't mix

x_KL_x | 7

#2943698 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

#3 I think people have FAR greater concerns than stealing your mailbox.

Mr_Saikaly | 35

#2943900 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:34

What would anyone benefit from stealing mailbox?

littlemissFYL | 5

#2943936 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:40

"You Got Mail."
haha I'm just messing with ya, your mailbox was stolen :-)

AuburnBoi17 | 5

#2943957 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:42

7 best comment ever

zekecastro | 0

#2944165 - Thursday 21 July 2011 10:24

how can you rip a mailbox? lol is it made of paper :P

PDeffinP | 0

#2944184 - Thursday 21 July 2011 10:27

yes it's was made of paper..if that man hadn't "ripped it" the rain would have gotten it for sure.

TheRealHouse | 7

#2944406 - Thursday 21 July 2011 11:49

At least he didn't "Verizon" away with it

EpicPear | 0

#2944481 - Thursday 21 July 2011 12:20

^ Do you mean "Sprint"?

dolphincheddar | 10

#2944818 - Thursday 21 July 2011 14:39

I guess he really wanted the falice you ordered

TheRealHouse | 7

#2944827 - Thursday 21 July 2011 14:45

EpicPear, OP said they did "sprint" away with it. That's why I said Verizon
it's not everyday you see a (T) Mobile mailbox :)

EpicPear | 0

#2944933 - Thursday 21 July 2011 15:25

^ Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make you look bad. :3

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2945410 - Thursday 21 July 2011 16:56

This guy takes stealing other people's mail way too seriously.

_Oblivion_ | 12

#2945492 - Thursday 21 July 2011 17:11

51 Go back to Mexico along with your unhumorous comments, we dont need your stupidity.

poy2x | 0

#2945671 - Thursday 21 July 2011 17:42

they get a mailbox

rogergraton | 0

#2945845 - Thursday 21 July 2011 18:11

a mail box for free. no?

kellanlvr | 1

#2945883 - Thursday 21 July 2011 18:20

maybe someone stole his mailbox..so now you must go steal someone else's!

knightsfb | 0

#2949300 - Friday 22 July 2011 7:22

now you have an excuse for not paying your bills...

iPoopMusic | 0

#2949370 - Friday 22 July 2011 7:40

I wonder what the president puts in his mailbox.

Happismiley2010 | 0

#3001022 - Saturday 30 July 2011 11:03

noooo

By cookie_3008 | 4

#2943662 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:08

Well, how do you think it worked?? ^_^
..(8)"WAIT!! ...wait a minute Mr.Postman!! (8)"

BeatlesObsessed | 12

#2943738 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

Beatlesss.?

cookie_3008 | 4

#2943759 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:17

*nodding* Oooh yeaaahh... =)

cookie_3008 | 4

#2943812 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:21

Although I think it might be "STOP!" first.. LOL *sighs*.. oh well.

BeatlesObsessed | 12

#2943817 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:22

That wasn't supposed to be a question mark, it was supposed to be a heart! Oh well. :)

By maliki32 | 7

#2943672 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:09

must've been one nice mailbox lol

sandyandellie | 5

#2948974 - Friday 22 July 2011 5:59

okay, that made me laugh. :)

newlove_fml | 0

#3912264 - Friday 20 January 2012 4:32

That's a nice mailbox you have there. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it.

By BIEBERSLAYER | 10

#2943677 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:10

gtm: grand theft mailbox

atthegates | 0

#2948889 - Friday 22 July 2011 5:39

good morning sir. enjoy the next 30 years wondering why someone would do this.

TheNeonDuckie | 0

#2950928 - Friday 22 July 2011 11:13

OP should file a police report!

OP: " Hi, I'd like to report a stolen mailbox"

Police Operator: " Ma'am, can you please describe the mailbox"

By LemonBlue | 0

#2943680 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:11

poor guy probably just wanted to go mailbox smashing...he just couldn't afford a bat

Wandering_Ninja | 8

#2943810 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:21

or a car

The_Weirdo | 10

#2943846 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:25

Or a life.

HeavyScout | 0

#2944139 - Thursday 21 July 2011 10:20

Or a (insert witty comment here)

TheRealHouse | 7

#2944410 - Thursday 21 July 2011 11:52

Or a witty comment

By YaboyVinnie | 20

#2943688 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Hacking goes real life.

By hannahtaskey | 9

#2943690 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Makes me wonder what was in the mailbox...

skye_343 | 0

#2943929 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:39

The very secret of life, obviously.

TheRealHouse | 7

#2944416 - Thursday 21 July 2011 11:54

Everyone knows the answer is 42. the question is.. what is the ultimate question?

By Beebow_fml | 5

#2943704 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Yes, next time grab a brick from your bed and run after him.

By odi_et_amo | 4

#2943732 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

Worded very similarly to the FML about the person finding their cat dead on their lawn...

By JenDanielle917 | 13

#2943746 - Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

You've got mail, oh damn...

DKjazz | 20

#2944992 - Thursday 21 July 2011 15:46

You've got fail.