Miscellaneous: Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 53

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 1 017

30/08/2010 10:34

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 351

You deserved it 37 194

This Charming Man

Triage

Facebook's moderation sucks

Morning conversation

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went into the bathroom only to discover my dad on the pot. “Oh, sorry”, I say and turn to leave. His reply, “Oh I don’t mind. Just having a shit here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 152

04/09/2009 06:23

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 848

You deserved it 3 655

20/01/2011 02:58

Today, I was in the Cafeteria at a table near the guy I like. He was playing around with a ball with a couple of his friends. They dropped it, and it rolled over next to my foot. When I bent down to pick it up, I smashed my head against a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 618

You deserved it 5 006

14/02/2019 16:32

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 099

You deserved it 29 901

21/01/2009 17:56

Today, I went to the bathroom and didn't realize my skirt was tucked in my ugliest underwear until I reached the elevator. Thanks for not telling me girl-in-the-yellow-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 371

You deserved it 5 068

14/10/2012 05:29

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 209

You deserved it 1 882

16/08/2014 04:30

Today, my car got towed. My money is in my car and they won't let me open my car to get money until my car is "released". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 178

You deserved it 5 217

Today, on Maury…

By MIA - 15/09/2019 06:03

Today, my husband of four years finally told me he has an eight-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 159

Ouch.

By Zaak - 25/03/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 523

You deserved it 6 450

16/07/2013 01:42

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 322

You deserved it 23 545

14/06/2016 15:23

Today, my mom took away my car, phone, dog, laptop and college fund because I told her she lets me down sometimes. I'm moving to Arizona for college in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 036

You deserved it 2 541

11/10/2012 20:37

Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 120

You deserved it 2 716

20/05/2017 12:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 997

You deserved it 2 116

26/05/2017 17:00

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 612

You deserved it 392

That's a mother

By Anonymous - 23/02/2020 20:00

Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 486

You deserved it 302

11/08/2010 19:19

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 7 222

18/02/2010 09:51

Today, after 25 years of marriage and 2 children, I was served with divorce papers. It turns out my 51 year old, soon to be ex, has been having an affair with the 24 year old tutor I hired to help our daughter bring her grades up. They are in love and want to start a new family together as soon as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 124

You deserved it 2 862

07/02/2010 00:09

Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 053

You deserved it 3 513

07/05/2011 11:54

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 730

You deserved it 3 284

03/12/2008 05:04

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 128

You deserved it 7 917

01/11/2013 14:17

Spicy

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 202

You deserved it 4 275

I don't want to do this anymore…

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 08:01

Today, I was in charge of my team at work but I asked for a demotion, because I was so stressed that I started having nightmares. I feel like everyone freaked out after quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 106

12/02/2019 16:00

Today, after a dangerous and painful emergency caesarean, I received an SMS from a guy I turned down for a date, saying he was crying and so excited to meet 'our' baby. I've barely even shaken hands with this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 385

You deserved it 223

29/07/2009 05:53

Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 461

You deserved it 15 897

Living in another world

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 14:08

Today, I played The Sims just so I'd know what it was like to live alone, own a home, and have a well-paying job that didn't slowly kill me from the inside out. It was the happiest I've been in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 94

07/06/2012 17:42

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 565

You deserved it 39 041

17/05/2010 02:24

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 646

You deserved it 3 841

Purple rain, purple rain

By wtf?! - 30/05/2020 05:00

Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 253

01/01/2013 15:20

Spicy

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 435

You deserved it 4 371

04/04/2011 17:36

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 264

You deserved it 44 434

03/08/2009 02:40

Today, I finished my internship working in a government lab. I got paid $4000 for the summer. I was talking to my cousin, who said that when he worked as a carnie last summer he made $8000. I get paid half as much for doing research as a carnie does for serving people sno-cones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 674

You deserved it 5 661

15/03/2009 00:07

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 241

You deserved it 9 828

15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 659

You deserved it 4 661

25/10/2011 12:42

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 858

You deserved it 21 256

30/12/2011 17:27

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 023

You deserved it 3 055

15/12/2010 11:58

Today, I went to the Salvation Army to donate some clothes. As I was handing over the 4 huge bags that I had carried for 10 blocks, while 6 months pregnant, somebody stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 943

You deserved it 3 727

11/06/2015 14:37

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 818

You deserved it 2 609

21/02/2010 17:54

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 006

You deserved it 3 243

25/02/2017 21:45

Today, I had to explain to a customer that she can't use the bathroom while going through the drive-thru. I still don't understand what exactly she had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 740

You deserved it 420

24/01/2011 02:47

Today, my boyfriend tickled me. In between laughs, I warned him that I was going to pee myself. He didn't believe me. After I actually did, he suggested we use a "safety word" from now on so that he will know when I'm being serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 868

You deserved it 4 762

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:07

You, sir, are a wimp. I'm not sure you are ready for solid food -- ask Momma to pop out her titty for you.

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:03

u must have really wanted that cookie?!

Comments

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:01

ydi!!!!

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:14

"MY COOKIE."

StopTheFuckinCar_fml 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:20

ydi for being that weak

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:21

fail

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:21

It's all right, let the cookie monster have what he wants.

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:22

lmao, at least you know he'd survive in prison,"that's my coockie bitch".

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:23

More like FHL, YOU got a cookie!! :-D

idkmyusername 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:25

OP~are you the guy that got his candy stolen by the baby? :0 but seriously dude, you need to man the fuck up, pop your shoulder back in, put a bandaid on your knee and go buy yourself a fucking cookie

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:29

he's older of u of course he'll win

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:33

oh it's on.

NuyoRicanGirl 3

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:41

LMAO that's what u get for trying to take a cookie from ur lil bro u r bad u should have let him have it and could have avoided getting hurt by a kid =) I would have fought u if they were skittles mmmmm

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:43

must have been a good cookie huh?

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:47

YES, cookie monstah FTW.

cOOkiEzRgOOd 22

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Monday 30 August 2010 17:24

thts my cookie...

cOOkiEzRgOOd 22

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Monday 30 August 2010 17:25

that is seriously my cookie

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Monday 30 August 2010 17:39

YDI because you're 26 and got ur ass kicked by ur 14-year-old brother, however, FYL because you're 26 and got your ass kicked by your 14-year-old brother.

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Monday 30 August 2010 18:09

serious about a fucking cookie much?

boyguydudemalema 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 18:34

ur friggin 26, grow a pair, get a job and your own damn cookie, sheeesh

boyguydudemalema 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 18:36

buy you*

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Monday 30 August 2010 18:43

Hey dumbass! Yeah you, #33. The OP's BROTHER is 14 and HE is 26. I love people who fail at reading. :) Agree with 30.

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Monday 30 August 2010 18:48

19&20 ftw!! op that's just sad and way beyond the fail marker

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Monday 30 August 2010 19:02

omg this is so something my boyfriend would do...

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Monday 30 August 2010 19:09

maybe you should have acted your age?

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Monday 30 August 2010 20:26

Act his age? No matter how old you are it's always worth fighting for the last cookie.

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Monday 30 August 2010 20:29

lol so true so very very true!!!!^^^

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Monday 30 August 2010 21:32

great job you got injured fighting over a cookie what I find funny though is that your 26 god grow up

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Monday 30 August 2010 21:50

And that's how the cookie crumbles.

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Monday 30 August 2010 22:27

agree wit # 47! what kind of 26 yr old has to fight for a cookie?!?!

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Monday 30 August 2010 22:38

I hate that people are telling him to grow up because he fought over a cookie. Everyone has their moments and he wanted that damn cookie.

englishhottiexx 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 22:59

fat ass just let go of the cookie :/

lexielovesyou 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 23:02

hahaha lmfao`(:

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Monday 30 August 2010 23:38

Why would you fight over cookies on your Internet Explorer? JK. What kind of cookie was it? Peanut butter?

diirty_brunette 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 0:30

I'll live on the prayer that you'll AT LEAST drop a crumb or a sprinkle my way :D

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 5:18

That's like a burn inside of a burn that's a 2nd degree burn ohhhhhh. ahaha that 70's show <3

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 6:04

don't fuck with a dudes cookie! YDI!

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 6:42

ydi for being fat and sacrificing urself for a friken cookie

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 8:21

81 I believe you have a boyfriend but when you talk about him in EVERY FUCKING COMMENT it seems less believable huh?

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 10:30

sexi pic

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 12:14

ydi. go exercise fatass.

brutal_banger 10

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Friday 2 December 2011 1:27

Dirty brunette you sound kinda like a bitch "i swear have road rage" and you make retarded duck faces at 28??

Rowdey 10

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Friday 25 May 2012 4:28

Chill 186, she didn't do anything to you...

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Wednesday 11 July 2012 3:14

How is this a YDI????? it's the last cookie!!

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:02

Little brother win! lol

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:03

u must have really wanted that cookie?!

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Monday 30 August 2010 17:29

damn bro drink milk

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Monday 30 August 2010 17:40

??

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Monday 18 October 2010 8:29

wow ur cool

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Tuesday 14 August 2012 10:36

I fought over a cookie... Till I took an arrow to the knee

alwaysawesome 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:04

give him the damn cookie, he's 14

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 0:54

NO. YOU FIGHT FOR THE COOKIE TIL THE END. CAUSE WHO KNOWS? THAT COOKIE MAY BE THE BEST ONE YOU'VE EVER HAD. Unless it's oatmeal raisin, then fuck the cookie.

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:04

must have been one yummy cookie!

JeffGoesRawrr 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:06

o___o Hmm. Why Do You Still Live With Your 14 Year Old Brother If Youre 26.?

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:08

Who said they lived together?

deafeningsilence 8

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:13

Maybe OP was visiting her parents.

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Monday 30 August 2010 19:20

15, OP is a dude..

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Monday 12 November 2012 14:50

you don't necessarily need to live with someone if you want their cookie, she might as well have been visiting.

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Sunday 27 January 2013 18:45

Why Do You Type Like This?

perdix 29

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:07

You, sir, are a wimp. I'm not sure you are ready for solid food -- ask Momma to pop out her titty for you.

m1j3 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:13

LMFAO

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 10:42

Perdix, you sir, fucking win!!

misxmarshmellow 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:07

Lol

glorialaura21 8

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:14

lmfao!

XxFallenbladexX 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:08

You want a cookie that bad? You're hardcore! Either you haven't eaten in days or your just stupid. (my guess- stupid)

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 1:36

He had a hardcore case of the munchies. xD

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Thursday 28 October 2010 8:35

lol, nice One 125

oldenuff2party 3

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Monday 30 August 2010 16:09

pussy