Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later,...

By Anonymous - 17/2/2015 19:17 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML

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Intimacy

Serious times

Breaking Badly

Great guy

By Em - 15/10/2009 06:12 - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

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By WhyM3¿?¿ - 31/3/2019 04:00

Today and so far not a good year. I'm still taking care of my mom who is sick from cancer and I seem to be the only one to help her (I'm the youngest btw). I pay the bills, clean, cook, work, bathe and feed my mother I'm exhausted I'm only 18... But it's not that my sis called me SELFISH Today...FML

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By hey-o - 23/2/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date I asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "I see you got rid of you mustache." FML

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By DocKreso - 28/6/2013 21:59 - Croatia - Split

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

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By why - 14/3/2014 23:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

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By lauren - 8/7/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

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By coughcough - 14/7/2013 05:35 - United States

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

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By moosemay - 19/1/2016 17:03 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

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By Nutellalover - 19/10/2012 14:19 - Germany - Hennef

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

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By MagnusDeus - 7/6/2015 15:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

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By loser - 9/5/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 14:01

Free money for me, but not for thee

Today, my dad refuses to let me inherit all of his money, which might just put a roof over my head when I’m older. *His* money? Well, actually, he inherited it. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 21:03 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

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By a.white - 11/12/2013 11:58 - United States - Cheltenham

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

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By ryjacs - 3/6/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

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By someone - 2/9/2009 11:00 - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 02:00

Team breaking

Today, I went on a work team-building day at a snow park. Thirty minutes in, while I was climbing out of a slide, my 210 lb coworker ploughed into me in a donut ring. He obliterated my ankle and I've now got three months in a cast to look forward to. So much for the building. FML

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By youonlyneed2squares - 24/9/2014 04:10

Today, as I was lying in my bed eating my dinner, my roommate says to me: "I don't know how to say this, but we need more towels. The room is flooding." FML

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By oconron - 6/3/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

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By You're NOT getting lucky today hun - 12/10/2012 09:27 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML

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By skidoosh - 14/7/2011 01:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years still refuses to memorize my phone number or remember my birthday because he says there is a limited amount of space in his brain and he does not want to push any important information out. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2013 18:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

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By frenchgirl - 23/11/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

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By Monika - 5/5/2011 21:04 - United States

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

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By Tris - 12/9/2019 16:00

Talk is cheap

Today, my co-workers keep making fun of me because I said, “You’re very so welcome.” They say it's not proper grammar, but honestly I can’t find anything that says I’m wrong. FML

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By salad - 28/4/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

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By 12yearsoldapparently - 6/7/2015 23:02 - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

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By honor sucks - 27/11/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom's Facebook wall confessing my "love" for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I'm considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML

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By Wifewithquestions - 26/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Clarksville

Mysterious

Today, I found male enhancers hidden in the back of the car, which I'm assuming are my husband's, but we haven't been having sex. FML

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By Bilibók Renáta - 16/8/2019 14:00

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

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By rawr117 - 10/6/2017 04:00

Today, while working at the local paintball place, I noticed a girl without the safety on her paintball gun. I approached and reminded her to put the safety on, to which she replied "Don't worry im not going to shoot you." And then she did. It hit my happy sacks. FML

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By smellybelly - 2/3/2012 06:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

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By Radio GaGa - 27/10/2014 16:25 - Canada

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

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By theatreluver - 5/1/2011 03:15 - United States

Today, it was opening night for the play where I was, for the first time ever, one of the leads. I went on stage with a loud and energetic entrance. I came in two scenes early. FML

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By beckzx58 - 6/8/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

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By JeezyCherieze - 11/4/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2017 23:15 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

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Top comments

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6205289 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 0:16

Who the hell just gives a handjob anyway? That's about as exciting as cheating on your diet with broccoli soda.

By gracehi | 31

#6205291 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 0:16

Hey, you can't expect your sister to go all the way on a first date. What kind of a girl do you think she is?

COMMENTS

By MissyPastaCreeps | 16

#6205270 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 0:09

Wow...

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6205517 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 5:03

Counter with a blowjob...

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#6205529 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 5:17

ya my sister did the same thing to me. . except he was my fiance. fuck family.

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6207481 - Friday 20 February 2015 6:11

I think he did just that.

By UserOfTheMind | 24

#6205271 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 0:10

Ouch. That sucks op! I hope you dumped him.

KeannaLove | 32

#6205314 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 0:32

Yeah it just rubbed OP the wrong way.

kmaheynoway | 25

#6205391 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 1:42

It rubbed her boyfriend the right way, though.

sarahthepony | 5

#6205475 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 4:28

That's the best thing I've read all day.

anonymous100000 | 17

#6205546 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 5:40

and disowned your sister

mackdeezy | 21

#6205640 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 8:37

Welp, ive got to hand it to your sister... not cool at all

Although, not as much as she's handing it to your boyfriend.

By kstephens2326 | 15

#6205275 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 0:11

Aww that sucks so bad. Not only is he a jerk but your sister doing something like that to you also. I'm sorry op

JayVicious | 20

#6205476 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 4:28

her sister is a jerk for jerking him off

PSYqualiac | 17

#6217819 - Sunday 1 March 2015 12:46

#53 What a jerk off!

By jkp1291 | 25

#6205276 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 0:12

Actually that's a pretty good question. If the fuckers gonna cheat, he better 'cheat.' Now it's just awkward.

Ms_ValS | 27

#6205359 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 1:13

Yeah if only he had fucked her sister on the dinner table while the family ate. Then she'd have a reason to be angry.

jkp1291 | 25

#6205413 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 2:16

Exactly

JayVicious | 20

#6205478 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 4:29

well that would be dinner and a show.

badgercheese94 | 16

#6205590 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 6:54

Actually its better for the cheater to only get a handjob in a real situation, as it is less likely to get an STD which could be transferred to the girlfriend

mackdeezy | 21

#6205642 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 8:38

I think you're being a tad too hopeful OP still wants to be with this guy, much less fuck this guy

Mauskau | 35

#6205701 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 9:49

If it's a handjob why even bother? Just do it yourself :s

By gary8082 | 14

#6205283 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 0:14

What a jerk off!

maximus_prime | 24

#6205777 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 11:47

His name might be Hancock and her sister misunderstood.

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6205289 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 0:16

Who the hell just gives a handjob anyway? That's about as exciting as cheating on your diet with broccoli soda.

lochiamochia | 25

#6205458 - Wednesday 18 February 2015 3:55

If OP's sister is in middle or high school, it would make more sense that she may start off at a hand job. But it's hard to imagine that they hadn't been together prior to this event.