Miscellaneous: Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to...

By me - United States

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

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Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

There's no helping some people

Modernity

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

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By Larry - United States

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

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By nerd_man01 - United States

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

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By Third trimester - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

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By EllieJ

Today, I opened a cupboard and a brick fell on my head. The same brick my mum put up there to "keep it out of the way". FML

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By helosthisshit - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

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By thunderthighs644

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

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By anonymous - 15/11/2020 05:02 - United States

Don't blame me

Today, I got suspended from school for smoking in the stairs. I'm grounded for a month without my phone, TV or any type of social connection. All of this would seem like a fair enough punishment if I actually smoked, but instead I just smell like my parent's second-hand smoke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, to save money, I wanted to fix my own leaky roof instead of hiring someone. When I got on the roof, the ladder fell. As it was falling, it broke three windows and snagged the siding of my house ripping over half of it off. FML

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By jobless - United States

Lay the blame

Today, a guy came into my gas station, showed me the gun on his hip, and asked me to kindly empty the register. My asshole boss claimed afterwards that because we live in an open carry state, and because the guy didn't point the gun at me, that there was no actual robbery and I just gave him free money. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

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By fmfb - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook and changed our relationship status to single just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML

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By Lola

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

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By Hugh - 3/4/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Suspicious minds

Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML

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By Lucy - United States - La Mesa

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

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By replaced - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

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By dumpedfornoreason - United States - Normal

Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, during the worst flu we've ever had, my wife and I have to go out into thirty-below weather to get firewood because the furnace broke down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Andover

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

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By single and not mingling - Canada

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

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By gunman - United States

Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

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By Dreamer - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

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By jdch_99 - United States

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

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By BloodyMarry - United States

Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML

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By ananomoose - United States

Rush job

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

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By poop hands - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Aspley

Today, for my birthday my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML

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By RectalSteve - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at a family gathering, it emerged that my now ex-fiancé has been sleeping with his brother's girlfriend for some time now. A fight broke out, the police were called, and more than one of his relatives are blaming me for him cheating with her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pratt

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

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By Anonameow - United States - Nanticoke

Today, I'm recovering from surgery. Every time I laugh, it hurts so badly I start to cry, which hurts even worse and makes it difficult to breathe. The painkillers I'm on make everything seem funny. I laughed so hard at a dumb pun that I nearly passed out. FML

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By lights on forever - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

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By chaoticnh - Austria

Today, I found out how it feels to have my groin catch fire due to a magic trick going wrong. FML

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Top comments

By surferchick96 | 0

#1687060 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:05

well that might not have been the show they payed for...

By sinnedrebel | 0

#1687078 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:10

you should have improved and went straight into your best hulk hogan skit.

COMMENTS

By m311 | 6

#1687048 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:03

ouch

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1687226 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:41

Bet the show got high ratings. If you a chick that is.

jpest17 | 5

#1687460 - Friday 12 November 2010 13:43

sweet!

JustStopSucking | 0

#1687519 - Friday 12 November 2010 13:56

I'll bet neither audience member was awake to notice.

RebelHeart7 | 0

#1687581 - Friday 12 November 2010 14:22

ahahahahahahah this comment made my day

By Rynow | 7

#1687055 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:04

p4p

IceCreamm_fml | 14

#1687064 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:06

guts bro

By KVloveBC | 0

#1687058 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:05

ohh oo!

tanner11111 | 0

#1692021 - Saturday 13 November 2010 5:33

oh yea take it off!

By surferchick96 | 0

#1687060 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:05

well that might not have been the show they payed for...

Toiga | 0

#1687545 - Friday 12 November 2010 14:10

A free Nude show perhaps?

TexanDanny | 2

#1689663 - Friday 12 November 2010 19:26

^they payed = not free

cactuspancake | 0

#1698771 - Sunday 14 November 2010 9:12

yeah it would be nice to know the genders of ppls posts... because sometimes you imaging the genders wrong and it's not as funny haha

By sinnedrebel | 0

#1687078 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:10

you should have improved and went straight into your best hulk hogan skit.

laxgirl3 | 0

#1691087 - Saturday 13 November 2010 3:10

I think you mean imporovised. (:

cufaoil | 11

#1692289 - Saturday 13 November 2010 6:55

improv'd or improvised... you both failed

By 0671241409 | 0

#1687082 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:10

well....did u at least have fun?

By smokeymcpottt | 3

#1687085 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:11

I'll give you a rope. Don't worry, you'll feel better soon.

Pyrozog | 0

#1689603 - Friday 12 November 2010 19:18

lol

By asshole2900 | 0

#1687089 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:12

hehe derka derka

By Quest_ | 13

#1687100 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:14

Awesome!!!

By MrSassypants | 32

#1687116 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:16

OP should've played along and at the end say it was all part of the play.