Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to...

By me - United States

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28207

You deserved it

3188

Favorite

Miscellaneous

That's what a druggie would claim

Show me where it hurts

Lose the boyfriend, not the weight

By civic4life - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. I asked for a newer car because my car right now sucks. I got a book on photography. I don't own a camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19587

You deserved it

55443

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40361

You deserved it

6567

Favorite

By tammylauraine - United States

Today, after handing out several résumés for several jobs, I realized that I forgot to add my phone number to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11167

You deserved it

31792

Favorite

By babygirllxo - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36431

You deserved it

7134

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26006

You deserved it

2437

Favorite

By Pissy pants

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3080

You deserved it

177

Favorite

By cait - United States - Edmond

Today, within one day of meeting me, my stepmom decided to break up with my dad. Her reason being, "I love you, but I just can’t put up with the kid." I’m 'the kid'. I’m 28 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1716

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By Jenna - United States

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32893

You deserved it

5583

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13929

You deserved it

25242

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69479

You deserved it

15943

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 08:08

Dead wrong

Today, I attended my husband's funeral and my son carried out the eulogy, which basically turned into a character assassination, ending with "and I hope Hell is hot enough for you, old man." Almost our entire family agreed with every word he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1439

You deserved it

374

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after failing my Ls twice in the previous weeks, I finally passed. As I got home, I went for a drive with my dad. I smashed my mums car into an old ladys fence and ended up in her backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8563

You deserved it

37742

Favorite

By m - United States - Stamford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38780

You deserved it

5835

Favorite

By askprussia - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23078

You deserved it

1498

Favorite

By imscrewed - Canada - Toronto

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15183

You deserved it

85760

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29198

You deserved it

2568

Favorite

By Jack - United States - Asheville

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13902

You deserved it

1337

Favorite

By fuckingfloridahowihatethee - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39315

You deserved it

5377

Favorite

By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9517

You deserved it

25645

Favorite

By herzausstein - Belgium

Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28564

You deserved it

7077

Favorite

By Anonymous - Malta

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

195938

You deserved it

34527

Favorite

By trp007 - United States - New Castle

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22252

You deserved it

42535

Favorite

By pridekills - United States - Mulberry

Today, my co-worker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29073

You deserved it

8986

Favorite

By Dakota

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2827

You deserved it

821

Favorite

By Ignorant

Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6748

You deserved it

840

Favorite

By Mister_FML - 12/8/2020 08:01

Didn't think it through

Today, I was at my new store, fixing it up. I was about to leave, so I took my clothes off to let the dirty ones dry, as I had other clothes in my car. I walked to the back of my store and the back door locked. The car was locked. I was in my boxers with no phone and no way to go home for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

744

You deserved it

1231

Favorite

By Danielle - 25/10/2020 11:02

Barf

Today, I threw up during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1014

You deserved it

155

Favorite

By katie_sadface - Canada

Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30184

You deserved it

2981

Favorite

By Needsanewjob - United States

Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15452

You deserved it

55232

Favorite

By mulligan - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12773

You deserved it

2790

Favorite

By David - United States - London

Today, my boss found out I had applied for a much better paying job. He told me I'd do a better job and make more money there. Then he fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15555

You deserved it

2272

Favorite

By reasonablysingle - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14249

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1232

Favorite

By Caz

Today, I got on the Megabus for a 6-hour journey from London to Plymouth. I then realised I'd forgotten to fill up my water bottle and charge my iPod. It's a fully packed, sweaty hot loud coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2263

You deserved it

1272

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45756

You deserved it

3302

Favorite

By it's just hair

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3899

You deserved it

725

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51664

You deserved it

10034

Favorite

By ouchieouch - United States

Today, I burned myself while cooking, so I asked my mom to get the burn cream while I waited in the kitchen. While I was waiting, I absentmindedly set my hand on the hot stove, earning myself a second burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9339

You deserved it

42697

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43713

You deserved it

2756

Favorite

By Ew. - United Kingdom

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21804

You deserved it

9192

Favorite

By zazzleface - United States - Bergenfield

Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31180

You deserved it

2353

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By surferchick96 | 0

#1687060 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:05

well that might not have been the show they payed for...

By sinnedrebel | 0

#1687078 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:10

you should have improved and went straight into your best hulk hogan skit.

COMMENTS

By m311 | 6

#1687048 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:03

ouch

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1687226 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:41

Bet the show got high ratings. If you a chick that is.

jpest17 | 5

#1687460 - Friday 12 November 2010 13:43

sweet!

JustStopSucking | 0

#1687519 - Friday 12 November 2010 13:56

I'll bet neither audience member was awake to notice.

RebelHeart7 | 0

#1687581 - Friday 12 November 2010 14:22

ahahahahahahah this comment made my day

By Rynow | 7

#1687055 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:04

p4p

IceCreamm_fml | 14

#1687064 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:06

guts bro

By KVloveBC | 0

#1687058 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:05

ohh oo!

tanner11111 | 0

#1692021 - Saturday 13 November 2010 5:33

oh yea take it off!

By surferchick96 | 0

#1687060 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:05

well that might not have been the show they payed for...

Toiga | 0

#1687545 - Friday 12 November 2010 14:10

A free Nude show perhaps?

TexanDanny | 2

#1689663 - Friday 12 November 2010 19:26

^they payed = not free

cactuspancake | 0

#1698771 - Sunday 14 November 2010 9:12

yeah it would be nice to know the genders of ppls posts... because sometimes you imaging the genders wrong and it's not as funny haha

By sinnedrebel | 0

#1687078 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:10

you should have improved and went straight into your best hulk hogan skit.

laxgirl3 | 0

#1691087 - Saturday 13 November 2010 3:10

I think you mean imporovised. (:

cufaoil | 11

#1692289 - Saturday 13 November 2010 6:55

improv'd or improvised... you both failed

By 0671241409 | 0

#1687082 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:10

well....did u at least have fun?

By smokeymcpottt | 3

#1687085 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:11

I'll give you a rope. Don't worry, you'll feel better soon.

Pyrozog | 0

#1689603 - Friday 12 November 2010 19:18

lol

By asshole2900 | 0

#1687089 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:12

hehe derka derka

By Quest_ | 13

#1687100 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:14

Awesome!!!

By MrSassypants | 32

#1687116 - Friday 12 November 2010 12:16

OP should've played along and at the end say it was all part of the play.