Kids and Holidays: Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts...

By yen

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

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Kids

Holidays

Instadrama

Basic Instinct

Moving on

By use your brain mother - United States - Springville

Today, I told my mom I was going hiking with a couple of friends and wouldn't be back for 4 or more hours. Not even 2 hours later, she called the cops and reported us as missing. She didn't realize that we wouldn't have service up the canyon so we could call her back. FML

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By poopooppachuu - United States

Get it now?

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

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By Sam

Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML

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By jwz - Netherlands

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

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By DF - Israel - Rehovot

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

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By YoushouldsaythattoHER

Today, a guy was telling me how his girlfriend considers me a "perfect beauty". Not getting such compliments every day, I felt extremely flattered... Until he started to explain in great detail why he couldn't disagree with her more. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

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By DezyCoCo - United States - Penfield

Today, I spent 2 hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for 10 seconds to come back to my 2-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

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By stpdaziandude - United States

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

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By crappy_day - United States

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

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By aprilfooled - United States

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

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By perfect - Canada - Whitby

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

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By lukey_G - United States

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

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By ... - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

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By Googleit - Canada

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

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By Maju - Netherlands

Dumb, but relatable

Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML

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By beno - United States

Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML

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By ER1C - Canada

Whoops

Today, as I was walking my dog around the block, I fell in the splits position on wet dirt and ripped my pants right on the front. I then had to walk home casually holding a chihuahua on my crotch hoping I would not run into anyone. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

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By joe - United States - Easton

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

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By jazopalchris - Australia - Mount Gambier

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while on vacation, I got fired for not working a shift I wasn't scheduled for. Even after texting my boss a copy of my vacation approval letter, she still fired me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after 2 years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

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By howniceofyou - Canada

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. They grabbed and lifted me in the air, about to throw me in the pool. My iPhone was in my pocket, so I screamed "MY PHONE!" They paused so I could gently throw it onto a deck chair. It bounced, hit the concrete, and cracked its screen. FML

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By Nikki - United States - Newark

Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said "I am going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML

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By MLZ - United States

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

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By belly the jelly

A job well done.

Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML

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By Congrats to me - United States - Canton

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

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By Ohgodhelpme

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me out for the first time. It's a good thing he did it over Facebook, because I started shaking and almost threw up. I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week. FML

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By howler - United States

Make it rain

Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML

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By SoggyPancakes - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

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By ismerf19

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wichita

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

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By samantha246 - United States

Today, I was pulling out of my driveway, and was being aware of the flowers I had just planted. I moved my head to look out my window as not to hit them, not realizing my window was up. I then hit my head break my nose and drive over the flowers. FML

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By Etown - United States - Evansville

Today, a friend texted me to get a ticket and go to the theme park with her tomorrow. I bought a ticket and didn't hear from her until 5 hrs later to say she was sorry, but she doesn't think she'll be going. It was $65 and non refundable. FML

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7698763 - Tuesday 25 September 2018 10:57

*waits for the inevitable "There's nothing wrong with your son believing in Santa. He can believe in anything he wants. And he can be a brony, too!" rants*

By Mightytall | 35

#7705411 - Monday 8 October 2018 8:27

You know, parents play a big role in the children’s development.
You must have kept your son in quite a tight bubble.
Does he have friends?
Does he know how to tie his own shoelaces?

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7698763 - Tuesday 25 September 2018 10:57

*waits for the inevitable "There's nothing wrong with your son believing in Santa. He can believe in anything he wants. And he can be a brony, too!" rants*

By RichardPencil | 30

#7705273 - Sunday 7 October 2018 22:42

You’re talking Christmas in the first week in October? You all deserve each other!

By Abbusser | 9

#7705329 - Monday 8 October 2018 0:44

Wait... WHAT?

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7705344 - Monday 8 October 2018 2:37

Ah, the greatest Christmas gift to a 20-something. Reality.

By blue_ecureuil | 20

#7705345 - Monday 8 October 2018 2:37

How cute!

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7705351 - Monday 8 October 2018 2:51

your fault he still believes in santa😂

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7705370 - Monday 8 October 2018 5:46

Whaaaaatt !??

Santa is not real?!? Oh my!!!

By Mightytall | 35

#7705411 - Monday 8 October 2018 8:27

You know, parents play a big role in the children’s development.
You must have kept your son in quite a tight bubble.
Does he have friends?
Does he know how to tie his own shoelaces?

By wtfdaemon | 3

#7705655 - Monday 8 October 2018 17:48

Holy fucking shit your son is an unabated idiot. Shit, even retarded kids have that shit figured out by 18. Doesn't speak well for your parenting skills in teaching him critical thinking and basic reasoning.

By Chazzster | 20

#7705753 - Monday 8 October 2018 21:23

Unless your son has a very serious developmental disability, YDI for not having told your son the facts of life a very long time ago.