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(I didn't know how to get it to comment as the OP...) For those of you who are asking how I didn't know, she had never brought it up in conversation. We only recently started dating and she hadn't mentioned it at all. She knew that I was afraid of clowns and admitted later on that she thought I was kidding. I guess it could be worse, when I made an excuse to leave and we talked about it later, she suggest we stay at my place instead.

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, my car wouldn't start, so I had to wait for AAA. Then, hurrying to pick up my brother, I got a $161 speeding ticket. Twenty minutes later, I got a call from him saying he didn't need a ride anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 681

You deserved it 6 781

By facepalm - 14/06/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 968

You deserved it 35 802

By llmd - 10/08/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 659

You deserved it 4 000

Make it stop

By SnuggieOverload - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 324

You deserved it 3 794

Deep fake

By ohtheshame - 02/05/2011 08:34

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 998

You deserved it 10 770

Foot in mouth #366

By Anonymous - 14/04/2011 01:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 003

You deserved it 7 462

Help!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 054

You deserved it 3 158

By Anonymous - 15/11/2012 14:54 - United States - Erie

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 557

You deserved it 49 570

By Vince - 09/12/2011 19:38 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 082

You deserved it 3 243

By Anonymous - 02/10/2014 04:47 - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 920

You deserved it 35 698

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 09:07 - United States

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 778

You deserved it 3 946

By HazingNight - 02/07/2014 20:46 - United States - Minnetonka

Today, my girlfriend asked me where I've always wanted to settle down, and I told her that Italy had always appealed to me. She snorted and told me what a bad idea that was, because "you don't speak French". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 197

You deserved it 6 906

HazingNight tells us more.

HazingNight 4

Thursday 3 July 2014 5:08

funny cause that's not even close to her name. why seek attention. and BTW i just found out she has a learning disability

By muffins69 - 18/09/2010 02:34 - United States

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 530

You deserved it 9 559

By hopeless - 27/06/2011 14:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 774

You deserved it 54 176

By arekusa - 23/06/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 341

You deserved it 3 503

By whatsername92 - 01/02/2013 03:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 571

You deserved it 4 571

By fuck teh poleese - 12/02/2012 21:50 - United States

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 016

You deserved it 29 551

By Anonymous - 29/03/2011 23:58 - Canada

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 964

You deserved it 3 991

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 20:27 - United States

Today, my friends told me, "Don't worry about your bad acne. It kind of looks like the pattern the avatars have on their heads." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 439

You deserved it 2 738

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed that I got a £60 parking ticket so rang my friend to rant about it. I then got pulled over by the cops for using my phone, and was fined £120. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 551

You deserved it 71 087

Stuck with you

By Lance - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with Super Glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 191

You deserved it 54 017

Brain fogged

By boohoo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Amstelveen

Today, I was on a date with a very intelligent and handsome guy. I was so nervous that when he was telling me about his twin sister, I asked him if they were identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 782

You deserved it 21 366

Grooming

By kdehshaden - 30/04/2012 08:25 - United States

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 660

You deserved it 56 898

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my brother, a plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 997

You deserved it 2 333

Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 207

You deserved it 296

Today, my workplace is doing a "time and a half" day for the Fourth of July. Take a wild guess at who is the only employee who's not scheduled to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 177

Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 543

You deserved it 6 691

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 870

You deserved it 4 097

Today, I walked out the bathroom and saw my girlfriend peeing in a mug. She said that's the mug she uses when she can't hold it anymore. That's the mug I put my coffee in every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 213