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By hopeless - 27/06/2011 14:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML

agreeclassic 9 774

vote type 1 54 176

By arekusa - 23/06/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

agreeclassic 33 341

vote type 1 3 503

By TJ - 06/04/2012 11:10 - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

agreeclassic 26 256

vote type 1 10 443

By Jesse from - 03/08/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

agreeclassic 7 250

vote type 1 39 008

By whatsername92 - 01/02/2013 03:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

agreeclassic 36 571

vote type 1 4 571

By imsorrylove - 31/03/2010 04:44 - United States

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

agreeclassic 14 220

vote type 1 33 149

By Anonymous - 29/03/2011 23:58 - Canada

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

agreeclassic 39 964

vote type 1 3 991

Almost made it

By anon9876542 - 20/08/2009 11:02 - Australia

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one-hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200 metres from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door, I peed my pants. FML

agreeclassic 23 107

vote type 1 45 472

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 17:09 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the store. Because we have no car, we had to walk four miles in the 115 fahrenheit weather. It didn't click until we were standing outside the door with a metric shit-tonne of ice-cream, that we'd have to tear ass back home to keep it all from melting. FML

agreeclassic 8 270

vote type 1 30 242

By tubedout - 23/07/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML

agreeclassic 54 486

vote type 1 6 356

By fullalove - 10/12/2014 18:34 - United States

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

agreeclassic 34 158

vote type 1 7 808

fullalove app_comment_confession_title

fullalove 23

Thursday 11 December 2014 1:46

Hey guys. Let me start off by saying how excited I am that I got published! Obviously there is a story behind fml. My husband and I have been together since I was 14, and married since 19 (I'm 21 right now). We have No problems communicating with each other, but we just recently lost a set of twins, which has been really hard on both of us. We have both been dealing with it in our own way, and at times it feels it is tearing us apart. We both have sat down and attempted to work things out together, but at the moment it feel as if nothing will ever be the same. I have shut him out from time to time, which I definitely have tried not to do, but sometimes it feels as if I need to work things out with myself. As for the article, him and I got into it this morning, and I left for work angry. When I got off, I turned on my phone to see the link, which I clicked to the unfortunate page. I did read through it, and it's sad to say I was guilty of a few. I will be working on myself, because I love my husband, and I don't want this tragic event to be the end of us.

By wtf3456 - 31/08/2011 09:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

agreeclassic 31 889

vote type 1 3 890

Outlaw

By thanksdad - 03/07/2012 01:20 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my dad was helping my fiancé and me move. On the way, someone sideswiped the trailer. When the police came, we found my dad had a suspended license, no insurance, and a broken tail light. No one else could drive a manual, so we were stuck in a parking lot for 3 hours. Thanks, dad. FML

agreeclassic 21 949

vote type 1 5 717

STOP TALKING

By SlickMcK - 05/06/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

agreeclassic 43 596

vote type 1 4 347

By Ineedjustice03 - 25/03/2011 11:55 - Singapore

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

agreeclassic 48 748

vote type 1 4 192

By toothpaste - 19/01/2012 12:17 - Australia

Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML

agreeclassic 32 434

vote type 1 2 317

By squeltorey - 03/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

agreeclassic 21 831

vote type 1 11 185

Gross

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, in the middle of class, I sneezed out the biggest, wettest booger I have ever seen in my life. I'd used the inside of my elbow to cover my nose, but I neglected to notice that my hair had fallen over my shoulder. I couldn't get it all out of my hair and I don't think any believed me when I said it was hair gel. FML

agreeclassic 28 190

vote type 1 5 975

By Anon - 03/10/2009 11:43 - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 56 631

vote type 1 5 211

By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

agreeclassic 13 812

vote type 1 71 758

By _kyleG_ - 16/06/2015 05:54 - United States - Avondale

Today, my father finally achieved his long-held goal. He has legally disowned me. FML

agreeclassic 35 405

vote type 1 3 256

_kyleG_ app_comment_confession_title

_kyleG_ 34

Tuesday 16 June 2015 18:57

An explanation is probably in order here. I am mentally and socially handicapped, brainwashed, and a worthless burden. My father is a pillar of the community, a family man, and loves his poor, misguided child dearly. -according to dear old dad, at any rate. So, fact check: I've just graduated high school with a 3.9 and lots of AP credits. I'll be going to college on academic scholarship as a biology major this fall. I'm currently working full time in auto finance. Also, I'm dating the most beautiful girl in the world. My father(or ex-father?) is an abusive passive-aggressive narcissist. The last time I saw him, the police had to intervene so I could leave school without being forced to go with him. He didn't want to pay child support any longer, so the moment I turned 18, he filed for emancipation. I have a court date in about a month, to get rid of the bastard's name and take my mother's maiden name. I'm happy, and this is all for the best. Thank you all for your kind words- this community is awesome :)

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

agreeclassic 44 384

vote type 1 17 239