Money: Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake... - FML

By hailey - United States - Bethesda

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

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Time for the ER

Fairytale ending

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:03 - United States - Kenton

Thanks, mom

Today, my mom saw me holding a plant and told me to walk around with it, to replace all of the oxygen I waste. FML

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By fail - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML

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By Jake - United States

Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Considerate boyfriend

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

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By fthis - United States

Me me me

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML

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By Helseac

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

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By whattheactualfuck - South Africa - Durban

Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML

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By La Guigne - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

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By Anonymous - France - Beausoleil

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML

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By hailsatan666 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out through Instagram that the guy I'm dating has a wife and two kids. FML

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By smileydays - Canada - Merritt

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

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By Eh.. - Israel

Today I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles at smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number and she said "nah" still haunts me. FML

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By cakefete2 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was reviewing documents at work, only to find one of my coworkers has been signing off on paperwork, claiming he's been walking one of the residents daily. Aside from being a double leg amputee, the patient died two weeks ago. The state review board comes this week. FML

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By hoolagirl4422 - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

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By jakestorm

Blockages

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

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By Emma-Louise - France

Today, the only positive thing my ex boyfriend left me was my pregnancy test. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 05:05

Quite the catch

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

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By JulietMarie - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

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By mayerstexmex69 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

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By -_- - United Kingdom

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

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By James

Anxious

Today, I began worrying I have social anxiety, all because while getting dressed I convinced myself that everyone would talk about me behind my back if I wore a striped shirt. FML

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By magnolia - United States

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML

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By dvddtraveller - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the local clinic and I met a really cute guy. We hit it off quite well, and he asked me out. It's like The Fault in Our Stars, but instead of cancer, we have STDs. FML

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By OutOfMyMind - United States - Port Richey

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

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By marriedlesbian

Today, after a dangerous and painful emergency caesarean, I received an SMS from a guy I turned down for a date, saying he was crying and so excited to meet 'our' baby. I've barely even shaken hands with this guy. FML

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By ohmy - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

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By oppafucktardstyle - United States - Waterloo

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

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By litup - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML

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By Wenny - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2021 07:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Eleven Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media

Today, I recently broke up with a girl I care greatly about to spare her having to deal with my mental health issues. Facebook keeps updating me with everything she does. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dog got out and ran off at 8 p.m., so I had 11 friends and family looking in the freezing cold night for it until 11:30 p.m. Turns out, the dog was locked in the garage the whole time. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML

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By Dopeydancer - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend's mum publicly shamed him on Facebook after she caught him having sex under her roof today. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except me. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm over 300 miles away right now. FML

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By holliefall - United States

Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

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By cass - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

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Top comments

By llamafish | 25

#5233180 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:09

At least you have good taste.

By Psycho_Babydoll | 26

#5233190 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:13

Count your blessing you didn't subconsciously buy the High School Musical soundtrack. That would sting.

COMMENTS

By llamafish | 25

#5233180 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:09

At least you have good taste.

Reply

whoisthisgirl | 4

#5233341 - Monday 10 December 2012 13:07

I have to put in a password every time I buy something.... Is there a option where it isn't needed?

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5233577 - Monday 10 December 2012 15:00

23- sometimes if you buy things close together, it won't ask you multiple times.

Reply

WritingWrongs | 8

#5233582 - Monday 10 December 2012 15:00

It might not be iTunes. Maybe it's Google play or maybe she has the bandcamp app.

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5233803 - Monday 10 December 2012 16:25

57- I think it's safe to say that OP probably bought it on iTunes....

Reply

randomperson85 | 2

#5236329 - Tuesday 11 December 2012 4:53

OP probably typed the password asleep

Reply

HahaHokayThen | 10

#5236652 - Tuesday 11 December 2012 7:50

In sleep he sang to me, in dreams he came....

Reply

k_ninjaa | 9

#5393720 - Tuesday 5 March 2013 12:10

You have restrictions enabled.

By NandraniDevi | 3

#5233186 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:12

Yea... You might want to look into that... Maybe someone is helping you out with these late night purchases....

Reply

Ryan_Jaxson | 8

#5233602 - Monday 10 December 2012 15:09

Or your latent talent of typing an iTunes password while asleep.

Reply

jokinstan | 4

#5233707 - Monday 10 December 2012 16:04

Agreed op, I doubt that actually happens. Sounds like a very suspicious case of sleep walking. I'd do a little investigating.

Reply

spekledworf | 18

#5234134 - Monday 10 December 2012 18:12

I've done something like this once, except I spent over $200 on Amazon, buying a combination of apocalypse survival gear and makeup. I think my sub conscience is trying to tell me I should at least look decent for the end of the world.

Reply

kawaiichick | 9

#5236414 - Tuesday 11 December 2012 5:42

Setting up a surveillance camera should do the trick.

Reply

Jordath_Fil | 11

#5275391 - Monday 24 December 2012 8:13

Paranormal activity ... 7?

By michaeljcaboose | 7

#5233188 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:12

Congratulations! You subconsciously love musicals! Probably time to take your credit card off of iTunes unless you think you might sleep walk to Walgreens and buy a gift card...

Reply

LaughinStock | 16

#5233388 - Monday 10 December 2012 13:29

Well damn at least Op didn't buy cat facts or Kim Jong II facts, those are expensive.

By Psycho_Babydoll | 26

#5233190 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:13

Count your blessing you didn't subconsciously buy the High School Musical soundtrack. That would sting.

Reply

drunkandfml | 11

#5233232 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:24

...or the new Justin Bieber album...

Reply

drunkandfml | 11

#5233237 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:24

...or the new Justin Bieber album...

Reply

1awliet | 8

#5233354 - Monday 10 December 2012 13:10

Or even worse, the new Ke$ha album.

Reply

hilda_kitty | 16

#5233412 - Monday 10 December 2012 13:43

Or much worse, the Jersey Shore series.

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#5233430 - Monday 10 December 2012 13:48

Or all of that combined.
It offends the eyes, ears and wallet.

Reply

rattusrattus | 18

#5233666 - Monday 10 December 2012 15:41

Or Jersey Shore High School Musical starring Justin Bieber.

I love that my brain is a source of nightmares. *shudders*

Reply

awebb21 | 7

#5233696 - Monday 10 December 2012 16:02

Or the Friday song by Rebecca Black

Reply

Zomg_Okay | 26

#5233817 - Monday 10 December 2012 16:28

That's enough horrible "entertainment" suggestions for today, folks. I want to sleep tonight.

Reply

Psycho_Babydoll | 26

#5233962 - Monday 10 December 2012 16:59

Screw it, I meant to say 'blessings'. Forgot the S. Damn typo.

Reply

xXHollowIchigoXx | 17

#5236240 - Tuesday 11 December 2012 4:06

Or the new "It's thanksgiving" song by Nicole Westbrook, the wannabe Rebecca Black.

Reply

red_headforlife | 15

#5236549 - Tuesday 11 December 2012 6:43

Or even worse. Ready? Miley Cyrus songs.

Reply

zero91 | 4

#5236756 - Tuesday 11 December 2012 8:37

i still pick miley cyrus songs over justin , rebecca black songs

By nnnope | 26

#5233202 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:16

At least it's good music...though if I were you I'd stop sleeping next to the iPod.

By bwzwally8 | 15

#5233208 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:16

Phantom Of The Opera is a classic. The movie was pretty good as well. Love it.

By IWATCHYOUSLEEP | 7

#5233210 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:17

What's next, Peter Pan?

By aerogxt | 7

#5233217 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:19

You need help.

By Pleonasm | 34

#5233219 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:19

The answer is Somewhere over the Rainbow.

By chocolateisyum | 12

#5233221 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:19

Just log out of your iTunes account! You probably won't remember you password in your sleep, and therefore won't be able to purchase expensive albums. Voila!

Reply

Psycho_Babydoll | 26

#5233229 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:24

If one can make expensive random purchases, one can remember ones password. Probably.

Reply

owo_fml | 9

#5233268 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:37

Especially since you need your password to buy things on iTunes!

Reply

chocolateisyum | 12

#5233272 - Monday 10 December 2012 12:40

11 & 16 - Yeah I guess, I probably should have thought my comment through before pressing send. Sorry!