The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Ninjas are everywhere

By Nancy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone had cut off half of my ponytail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 635

You deserved it 4 598

Long road ahead

By Catcrap! - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Rialto

Today, I'm moving from Arizona to Washington State with my 2 cats in my car. I've only just left and just learned that one cat gets carsick and the other stress farts. Only 956 more miles to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 634

You deserved it 6 516

By not as scarred as he should be - 18/10/2012 18:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 785

You deserved it 3 346

By mykhael - 21/08/2013 18:58 - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 156

You deserved it 7 484

By Mike - 17/12/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 116

You deserved it 54 744

By Shawty - 03/11/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 5 847

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because her mom said she would buy her a pug if she did. I got dumped for a dog, and an ugly one for that matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 690

You deserved it 6 990

By AnnaNick - 14/02/2010 02:19 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 994

You deserved it 10 370

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, my aunt informed me that she thinks I'm faking the debilitating disease I've had for the past 13 years. Apparently she thinks I just don't want to go to college or get a job, and that I like living on disability. She also added that my entire extended family agrees with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 742

You deserved it 6 064

Kinda weird

By god - 29/04/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Livingston

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 388

You deserved it 5 580

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 307

You deserved it 7 681

Shame! Shame! Shame!

By Clive81 - 17/02/2015 20:02 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 418

You deserved it 10 316

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 483

You deserved it 3 790

Nice guy

By sucksatlove - 25/07/2013 23:20 - United States - Sewell

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to, "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 035

You deserved it 7 713

By busybuzzybee - 17/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 581

You deserved it 2 857

By A. - 14/10/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 352

You deserved it 3 598

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 890

You deserved it 5 102

By yup okay - 19/08/2010 15:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he finds his car more attractive than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 997

You deserved it 6 878

By Anonymous - 02/03/2012 15:54 - United States

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 341

You deserved it 3 732

By koolkidx3 - 24/02/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 344

You deserved it 3 075

By Anonymous - 02/12/2012 18:55 - United Kingdom - Southwold

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 522

You deserved it 2 574

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 05:51 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 520

You deserved it 4 090

Good one, mate

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 12:44 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 329

You deserved it 4 782

By vsf - 02/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 061

You deserved it 6 611

By suckstobefat - 22/01/2012 06:10 - Canada

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 782

You deserved it 7 227

Get Back

By DiskJockey - 05/08/2009 01:37 - United States

Today, I learned a valuable lesson, never leave your "Let It Be" album, which you paid $489 for on eBay out on your desk. My brother also learned something, old records make for very breakable, one use frisbees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 086

You deserved it 11 932

By nosexforthee - 23/01/2015 19:25 - United States - Katy

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 677

You deserved it 7 999

By sounfair90 - 27/05/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I felt left out by the fact that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships, and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a Facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay when he started hitting on my made-up Facebook guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 767

You deserved it 21 434

By f*cks_sake - 13/05/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 426

You deserved it 11 113

By Lonely Gay - 22/02/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 534

You deserved it 5 402

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 461

You deserved it 24 878

Today, my husband filed for divorce. He also put himself “In a relationship” with my daughter on Facebook. She turned 18 a few days ago. He says it’s no big deal because, “at least I waited until she was legal.” The spineless idiot just doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 117

You deserved it 169

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 754

You deserved it 2 908

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 783

You deserved it 82 749

Wait for it... Wait for it... Holy crap!

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 235

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 4 409