Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt...

By colorfulgina - United States

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

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36257

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Thanks for the miracle

Parental guilt

By cheekymac - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

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34000

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By SoftwareDev - South Africa - Johannesburg

Should've stayed home, basically

Today, after getting booked off work for being sick, I go to work anyway. On the way home, I stop by a colleagues fairwell, being the paranoid type of guy I make sure my car is locked about 3-4 times and head in. Later I get home to find my laptop has been stolen from my boot with my medication. FML

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4263

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595

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

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35794

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By sstahpp - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, while I was taking a long relaxing shower, the shower head decided to fly off and hit me in the face. The dentist couldn't stop laughing. FML

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22429

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29335

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2237

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By sauce - United States

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

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28336

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2020 14:00

Eye-bleach please

Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1378

You deserved it

227

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By steph2052 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while chatting. He asked me what high school I went to and where I moved from. I have lived here my whole life, he was my crush for four years, and was in my classes throughout those years. He doesn't believe me. FML

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41289

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3932

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

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29537

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16777

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By brittbrat4 - United States

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

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21250

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By anonymous - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

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29332

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59571

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By mellielynnemily - United States

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40564

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4420

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By FML - United States

Today, I received a ticket for not having my headlights on. The cop who pulled me over had a broken headlight. FML

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31724

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4928

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out skating with a guy I really like. I put on my best moves, to impress him. I ended up slicing his lip open with my skate mid-jump. His lip is now wired shut by twelve stitches. FML

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17859

You deserved it

36288

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By FingerBang - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13029

You deserved it

34023

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By iammike - United States

Today, I saw two cute girls walking my way as I was parking my car. Trying to impress them, I got out and attempted to coolly walk to the sidewalk. I tripped on the curb, scraped both my knees, and was laughed at all the way until I got back inside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13595

You deserved it

35870

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34773

You deserved it

23546

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By wellfuckyoutoo - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26596

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1741

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML

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2417

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677

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By gdog10122 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39083

You deserved it

2654

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By technical - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27860

You deserved it

2358

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61728

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14961

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By Charles - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71337

You deserved it

5664

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By anon - United Kingdom - London

Today, a notification from Tinder popped up on my girlfriend's phone, 'Congratulations, you have a new match'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28649

You deserved it

2337

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By scorned_jacketless_lady - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42226

You deserved it

16528

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By MdT - South Africa

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200 picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

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49688

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3678

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By dinosaurman - Canada

Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

191805

You deserved it

9952

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By Mommabear

Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months old, she doesn't need the money!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3820

You deserved it

223

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By Ben - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

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42116

You deserved it

4671

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By coloradoman - United States

Today, while flying on American Airlines back from visiting family, a new born puked its breakfast all over my HP mini, knocked my orange juice ino my lap, and than coughed up another layer on top of it all. I couldn't change my pants because of we were about to experience turbulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40414

You deserved it

3091

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By wowza - United States

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29389

You deserved it

2453

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By human

Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1443

You deserved it

217

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By no - United States - New York

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8755

You deserved it

941

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the middle of class, I sneezed out the biggest, wettest booger I have ever seen in my life. I'd used the inside of my elbow to cover my nose, but I neglected to notice that my hair had fallen over my shoulder. I couldn't get it all out of my hair and I don't think any believed me when I said it was hair gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28079

You deserved it

5937

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my wife and I went shopping for new glasses at a local store, but we didn't really get to actually buying one. On our way back, she warned me that my glasses of choice should in no way be 'those big arty ones'. When I asked her why not, she told me that I 'look gay enough already'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44649

You deserved it

6317

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By Anonymous

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1520

You deserved it

249

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my 43 year old wife has been having a cyber relationship with a 14 year old kid on Halo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46935

You deserved it

4470

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By RuinedTheMood - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47648

You deserved it

13284

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent about 10 minutes searching frantically for my cell phone, while holding it up to my ear and talking to my friend about my plans tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11803

You deserved it

42035

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By clumsylobster - Australia - Perth

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

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49744

You deserved it

3535

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Top comments

By wtfismyfml | 0

#717037 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:15

probably the closest your going to get to it now

By sportsnut | 0

#717059 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:24

not too subtle but you may have gotten the message across

COMMENTS

By Hulege | 0

#717027 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:11

How is this an FML? Might be a tiny bit embarassing, but .. meh..

BigBadBulldog | 0

#717172 - Sunday 13 December 2009 0:33

And hell if I was the crush I'd kinda like it haha

ididitmyself | 0

#717220 - Sunday 13 December 2009 1:07

i think this is a good thing, not a bad thing lol

deathmajestic | 0

#717257 - Sunday 13 December 2009 1:30

lets add dialouge

"oh shit, wheres my pencil
ah there it is
*leans*
CrAsH

"why bonjour monseuir le cocke, what a surprise to bump into you today"

humorizer | 14

#717616 - Sunday 13 December 2009 5:26

I know I'm being a tad bit inappropriate, but maybe he'll be impressed by what you can offer?

Othello22 | 4

#717663 - Sunday 13 December 2009 5:59

nice sound effects XD i was thinking more of a dramatic "ka-boom", i'd be so embarrased!!

wh4t3v3R | 0

#720343 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 0:42

I expected that to end with LoveML not FML.

fuckass | 0

#720470 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 2:30

LMFAO

megamandude455 | 10

#1013227 - Monday 31 May 2010 2:04

hey 27, his crotch. his nuts. put 2 and 2 together.

bobbybill0519 | 7

#1226716 - Thursday 12 August 2010 6:51

i can even do it on my ipod n u should too :P

FweakofCydonia | 40

#6494794 - Sunday 27 December 2016 20:05

I'm imagining a follow up:

"Today, my face accidentally fell into my crush's crotch. He got a boner. FML"

By soccer4ever7 | 0

#717030 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:11

that sucks!

MagicMeds | 0

#717550 - Sunday 13 December 2009 4:36

At least she found a new pencil.

SpankyMcThrust | 6

#717833 - Sunday 13 December 2009 7:57

I lol'd heartily XD

GuitarJunkie6258 | 0

#720725 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 4:58

Nice puns

By Phil594 | 0

#717032 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:13

your lucky.

dakotalesmercy | 6

#1010338 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:42

lick it!!!!

I would <3

mxij | 13

#5813226 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:06

He's*

By wtfismyfml | 0

#717037 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:15

probably the closest your going to get to it now

By diorable | 0

#717043 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:17

lol i woulda crackeddddd up at you.

By dracer | 0

#717048 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:18

Best way to break the ice, perhaps?

facilitator | 0

#3014702 - Monday 1 August 2011 15:18

hope you didn't come off too desperate

By vamp_rina_babii | 0

#717057 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:23

wow heres a
*hug

Shereen15 | 0

#717227 - Sunday 13 December 2009 1:12

lmao

By sportsnut | 0

#717059 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:24

not too subtle but you may have gotten the message across

By musicislife1995_fml | 0

#717063 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:26

you ought to be ashamed of yourself, most people take it slow but noooo, you go straight for the prize.

for those who don't understand sarcasm, that was an example

By FMLoverAgain | 7

#717066 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:27

perfect incident!